Photo via waranya_photo/Shutterstock.

You stand at the counter of your local muffin spot. It’s the sort of day where it’s only 9 a.m. and your neck is already sweating. Though an admitted caffeine fiend, of course you don’t want hot coffee; you want iced. Or do you? No, you do not. You want iced tea, the only drink suitable for these circumstances.

There is a temperature window where iced coffee is optimal. We’ll call it 67 to 80 degrees. (Maybe 85 if your lifestyle is car centric and your air conditioner works magnificently.) Beyond that? You are tempting fate, my friend. Wouldn’t it feel so much lighter, so much more refreshing, to sail out the door of Pret a Manger with an enormous iced tea clutched in your humid hand, ice cubes rattling cheerfully against the plastic? A nice iced black tea provides the caffeine jolt you require, without that weird sweaty feeling.

Note that, despite being Georgia born and raised, I did not say sweet tea. There is too much sugar in sweet tea to drink if you are planning on walking anywhere afterward; it will slosh around your stomach and you might as well have just had a bucket of heavy cream. Or, worse, a Dr. Pepper. However, a fruit tea—a nice peach, perhaps—can be wonderfully refreshing. Nor does this rule encompass those weird bottled teas. That Pure Leaf shit doesn’t taste right, and I’m certainly not talking about Snapple.

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You don’t have to buy the overpriced 16-ounce cup at your local coffee spot, either. Get yourself a glass pitcher from IKEA or wherever, pop in some water and the teabags of your choice, ice and refrigerate, and suddenly you are Ina Garten. You will feel like you are sitting on expensive patio furniture looking out over your pristine green lawn even if you are leaning into a box fan from your local discount store. Heaven.

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The corollary to this law is that above 86 degrees, popsicles are better than ice cream.

Just some thoughts; take them or leave them.