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It’s so freaking hot. All anyone wants to do is gnaw on a frozen lump of fat and temporarily cool off the inside of their damn mouths. No wonder there’s so much screaming about ice cream lately.

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We have this gelato drama unfolding at the Gold Coast’s Mariano Park, where people are petitioning a local stand to change their gelato supplier to Amarino from Black Dog gelato. There is a literal petition, according to DNA Info, with “A LOT” of signatures:

Brian Dryer, a Gold Coast resident for nearly 20 years, called the pink stand an “IKEA shack” with inadequate signage and “no smiles at counter it’s terrible.”

“Watch the gelato there once it was served as Gazpaucho [sic],” wrote Cara Kempton, another neighbor.

The park “needs to be updated end of story. We don’t deserve what is being offered right now as dessert,” said Judi Steinreich, who appears to be one of those leading the charge leveled at Bow Truss owner Phil Tadros.

“Coffee is one thing and it’s good coffee. The dessert and supplemental items need to be updated and added to. We understand the Gelato there now is not [Tadros’] business and can be modified which it needs to be as soon as possible. Sanitation is improper, service improper and temperatures improper,” Steinreich said.

The owner of the stand, Phil Tadros, has compared the rigamarole to a kind of Best In Show farce, and says that despite complaints, they sell out of their tasty treats regularly.

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Meanwhile, in NYC, eating ice cream from your bodega is supporting petty crime and also filling your gut with rancid bacteria. According to the New York Post, Gristedes billionaire John Catsimatidis has offered a $5,000 reward for info leading to the apprehension of a ring of ice cream thieves who have been ripping off his grocery stores, then selling the Daz to your local deli as a small profit:

“They keep stealing it because it’s an easy item to sell,’’ Catsimatidis groused to The Post on Thursday, adding that he suspects most of the thieves are junkies.

“The bodegas buy it, they encourage it,’’ he added.

A Bonnie-and-Clyde duo coolly hit up Catsimatidis’ Gristedes store in Chelsea on Tuesday, stuffing 80 cartons of Häagen-Dazs and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream into four bags before making for the door.

In the last year there have been 250 reported ice cream complaints, and 130 arrests. Bootleggers also supposedly let the ice cream melt, having nowhere to store it before reselling. That’s when all the bacteria gets nasty reproducing. Enjoy your spoonful of death and drama, summer babies.