Images via Carponizer.

Close readers of this space will recall that for several years now, I’ve dreamed of modeling for the German Carponizer calendar, which is a calendar featuring photos of nude women posing seductively with fish. I’m sorry to share that for the third year in a row, I will not be featured in the Carponizer calendar, published by Hendrik Pöhler and available for purchase on Amazon.

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For those who have missed this thrilling tale, here is a description of the only calendar you’ll need for 2017 (and 2016...and 2015) via Google Translate because I still do not speak German:

The erotic Carponizer Carp Calendar 2017 is definitely one of the most extraordinary ideas to present this magnificent fish in an attractive setting. Carponizer has also succeeded this year, every month of the year with courage to create the extraordinary. Twelve magnificent carp will be presented in 2017 with no less attractive women according to the theme. To achieve this impressive result, twelve capitale carp were trapped with great caution in the first step. During the shoot, two competent caretakers were responsible for the well-being of the scaly main actors. Of course, it was also taken care that the magical human models felt as comfortable as possible in the wet element and on the dry. The convincing end result of the shoot consists of twelve impressive and always worth seeing picture motifs for the Carponizer carp calendar 2017. The calendar is a real “must have” for every passionate angler and fish lover. The erotic moments are set aesthetically and artistically in the carp calendar 2017 and give not only the angler tent a special charm. The individual motifs are just as perfect as a purposeful wall decoration. Whether you choose it yourself or as a tasteful gift: the Carponizer Carp Calendar 2017 does not just make men’s hearts beat faster. High-quality recordings deserve an at least as noble frame. For this reason, the Carponizer carp calendar 2017 was printed on top-quality offset printing paper. A spiral binding ensures the visually attractive connection of the 30 x 45 centimeter large motif leaves. Now bigger than 30 x 45 cm. Packed in a blister pack. Unique in the quality of the recordings and the print. No comparison to the other available calendars !!

I do have exciting news though: without prompting, I was kindly sent two copies of of the calendar, one for home and one for work (my colleagues love it!). It is indeed quite large, with beautifully printed high-quality images featuring women displaying a range of emotions about having to touch a slippery fish. They must enjoy it, as several of them seem to be back from previous years.

I can’t say what will happen in 2017, but as you can see, things are clearly percolating.