Image via screengrab / Yumi

Today I was made aware of a luxury meal-delivery service called Yumi. The service, which the website likens to Postmates or Blue Apron, serves up locally sourced dishes made with fresh ingredients like japanese sweet potatoes, chia seeds, and quinoa. And it’s all for babies.

Here’s the thing though: I would eat all of it. Seriously, I would. First of all, everything here is healthier than what I eat in a week. One of these “blends” offered called “Spirulina Smash,” which I’ll remind you is literally baby food, and is made of blueberry, spinach, coconut milk, quinoa, banana, chia seeds, dates, spirulina and wheat germ oil. That sounds like a pretty good smoothie to me! I’ve also never consumed spirulina in my life! I would like to be as strong and healthy as these beautiful rich babies who consume Yumi. Yes, yes I would.

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Second of all, I’ve tried the whole meal delivery box thing. The ones where they give you exactly one carrot for this, two cilantro leaves for that. And frankly it’s exhausting. Why would I cook a delicious meal with real foods that nourish me, a person of adult proportions, when I could eat it pulverized and shipped in tiny little glass jars directly to my door for $35 a month? I’m a woman on the GO. Fuck a yogurt, give me MUSH.

Also solids are so 2016. Everyone is drinking juices and smoothies and soylent all day anyway, which is basically baby food. So I’m not afraid to be out here, living my truth, and eat the real deal. So Yumi, if you’re reading this, holler.