Eva Longoria wears glasses. Eva Longoria wears glasses. Eva Longoria wears glasses. This is something you should repeat over and over until you believe it. If you don’t, Eva Longoria will not only come after you, she will not rest until you have been completely destroyed. Eva Longoria is light, Eva Longoria is love, and Eva Longoria wears glasses. You hear that, Australian journalists?
The reason we’re even debating whether Longoria wears specs to correct her sight—”Actually,” I imagine her saying, “it’s about ethics in glasses journalism”—is because an Australian reporter recently called the actress out for advertising for Specsavers when she doesn’t wear any sort of corrective eyewear herself. Jenna Clarke, a writer for the Sydney Morning Herald, accused Longoria of being “shameless” in her false advertising and, in a move that actually made me gasp out loud, she referred to Desperate Housewives as being for grandmothers. Those are fighting words.
Here’s an excerpt from Clarke’s piece:
...then closer to home we had Eva Longoria, the star of Desperate Housewives (don’t remember it? Ask your nan about how popular it was like a decade ago) in town representing a budget eyewear chain, but according to photographers that have been snapping her for close to 15 years - she doesn’t wear spectacles.
And, also this:
Back in 2012 she was the ambassador for a cat food, which would have been a great brand alignment had she owned a cat. At the time I wasn’t offered an interview to chat about scratching posts, wet pet food or the importance of pet rescue and adoption but an “in-depth Q&A” about “Eva’s personal passions”.
Longoria, who had nothing to say about cats but was livid about being attacked for being “shameless,” struck back at Clarke, sending her an open letter via tweet accusing the reporter of not being a diligent journalist because she’d never seen Longoria in glasses before. Turns out that the actress, producer, and director doesn’t need glasses to walk a carpet—she just needs them to read.
I don’t know what’s better: an actress trying put a “lifestyle journalist” in her place (uh, who else would write about Eva Longoria?) or the fact that she ends her very, very thorough repudiation of Clarke’s allegations with an ad for Specsavers. That’s commitment!
Clarke, who was not expecting an onslaught of hatred from those that are desperate for Longoria to follow them back, said that the story had been blown completely out of proportion and that it wasn’t fair of Longoria to set all seven million of her followers on her (although she called Longoria a liar to everyone who reads Eva Longoria news on The Sydney Morning Herald). Longoria responded by saying Clarke had completely missed the point of her open letter. And then, in an argument that Clarke could have made about the publicity she brought Longoria, the actress actually pointed out that the hate the reporter was receiving from Longoria’s fans was the most attention she’s ever gotten on the internet. And then everyone on the internet kind of just shook their heads and deleted their Twitters because if it hadn’t been clear before it was finally clear now that nothing good ever comes from getting involved with social media.
Longoria is still waiting for an apology from Clarke, but she isn’t likely to get one. While the Sydney Morning Herald published an update to the piece correcting Clarke’s assertions, Longoria wants more. The star’s last salvo was a picture of herself in glasses, proving to the world that she really, truly does wear them. Although, if we’re going to be honest, it does look like she’s just trying them on for the first time, doesn’t it? I mean she’s got that awkward “I just got these glasses” look that most of us had when we were in middle school and came in one morning hoping no one would notice our “fun new look” as my sixth-grade teacher called it.
The ball’s in Clarke’s court, but it looks like she just wants all of this to die. Lesson learned: don’t go for Eva Longoria unless she sends for you.
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Image via Getty