Your Worst Roommate Ever

Welcome to Pissing Contest, a weekly story sharing circle for the the ass-draggiest time of the afternoon on the ass-draggiest time of the last day between you and the weekend. Every week, we'll ask a question, you'll share stories, and we'll pick a winner that's featured in the next week's post. It's like a pyramid scheme of outdoing each other!

Living with roommates is always an adventure. Sometimes it's a fun, cool adventure that is safe for kids, like the movie Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Other times, it is a harrowing, scary adventure that makes you wish you weren't a person anymore, like the movie The Human Centipede. Let's talk about that.

This isn't the first time we've asked for jaw-dropping, skin crawling tales of your roommates from hell, but since a few years have passed, there's been more then enough time to have an entirely fresh set of Bad Roommate stories. We're not talking sometimes leaving underwear balled up on the floor of the bathroom after she gets done showering. We're talking dries his skid marked skivvies on the kitchen radiator because he doesn't have enough quarters to do laundry. We're talking cat stealing, genitalia flashing, gun toting, hallway puking nightmare people who just so happen to share an address with you.

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But before we get to that, let's talk about last week's Pissing Contest of Weird Hittings-On. Great stories were shared by one and all, but this time, there was a clear winner. Take it away, janetstclair,

On a late summer/early fall evening, I was getting ready for bed in my dorm room in Australia, where I was studying abroad.

My computer made an "uh-oh" noise that any ICQ user would recognize. It was a message from my guy friend a few floor away - the only person I knew with a TV in their room. "Something is happening in the US - you should come down here." I went down to his room just in time to watch the second plane crash on 9/11. I sat on his bed, crying quietly watching it happen from half a world away. My friend put his arm around me, I assumed for comfort. Then his hand snaked lower, and he copped a feel and went in for a kiss.

Yep. He decided that watching live footage of a disaster happening in my home country was the best time to make his "move."

To quote Madeleine Davies, who spotted the story early and predicted it would emerge triumphant, "Nothing beats 9/11."

Now, to the windows. To the walls. Etc.