Ah, Ian. The shining star of this season of The Bachelorette: tall; in possession of an excellent head shape; a former model; went to Princeton; is a former track star who survived a horrible car accident; does charity work; can sing. But don’t just believe me—let him tell you himself!

When Ian was first introduced to viewers of the show/Kaitlyn, he seemed too good to be true, and apparently that’s because he was. Quiet and reserved, he said in his intro video, “If I could choose the Bachelorette I wanted to date, it would absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts, be Kaitlyn. I feel like she’s genuine, I feel like she’s thoughtful. I’m so excited. I’ve always want a wife, I’ve always wanted a family. This is the opportunity to really find that.”

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How quickly things change! In last night’s episode of the show, Ian grew alarmingly restless and tired of not getting enough attention from Kaitlyn, deciding that the best thing to do, since he couldn’t handle competing with more than a dozen other men for her affections, was to make it clear how much he wasn’t into her.

Here are some of the things he said last night, first to the camera. Stand by; it’s lengthy (and should be noted, was likely edited together in some fashion by the Bachelor producers), and below, his best comments with emphasis.

I’d say that this is the first time in my life that I feel like I’m flying under the radar. I don’t even know if she knows I’m here. I think a lot of women like me. I don’t think that’s ever been an issue for me. And then I come here and I feel like I’m not being liked by the girl that I’m here to impress and I don’t understand why Kaitlyn wouldn’t want me — Princeton graduate, former model that defied death and has been around the world a couple of times.

I don’t think that Kaitlyn understands the full extent of what I am, and who I am is a catch. Good-looking guy, smart, I think that’s why I would make a good Bachelor. I think if I was on the other side of the coin, that if I had 25 options, that it would be something that would definitely work out. I don’t think that’s something wrong with me, I think that’s something wrong with her. I’m kind of just tired of rejection at every corner and I want to go home.

The Alamo is a place where Texans made their last stand for Independence, and San Antonio is a place that I gonna be my last stand in this journey.

My patience is at the end. Against all my logic, Kaitlyn doesn’t want someone like me, and it’s frustrating. If one of these lames are better than me, then just pick one of the lames. I bring so much more to the table than any of these guys here. I have a good job, good education, charisma, brains, looks. If that wasn’t impressive enough, then I don’t know what else is impressive here. I could be the Bachelor. I think I am a very eligible Bachelor, in this country and in this world. I am an enigma and who I am is a gift that you unwrap for life.

I’m not here to be with Kaitlyn. I don’t find Kaitlyn interesting. Kaitlyn just seems like she’s here to make out with a bunch of people and just have a good time. Like, I have a good time in my own life. And I meet chicks, and I have a lot of sex in my own life. I’m in a place where everybody is bowing down to this girl — it’s terrible. I need to get my confidence back because it just got fucking run over with a train here.

Tonight is the pivotal moment of the entire situation. I know Kaitlyn’s not interested in me. There’s not a chance that this situation could work out. I’m pretty over it.

Kaitlyn wants to hear the truth. But I don’t think Kaitlyn can handle the truth. She’s not half as hot as my ex-girlfriend. So when I get my time with Kaitlyn, I’m leaving it all on the table.

And then here’s what he said straight to Kaitlyn’s face, in one beautiful diatribe:

I heard what you said about being honest, being honest with you. And you told me to share my feelings with you, and I look around the house and I look at you and I kind of feel like everybody’s on vacation from life. And, for me, this isn’t a vacation. I came here for love, and I came here to find a wife. And it’s really difficult for me hanging around a group of guys that are telling fart jokes, making poop jokes, making sex jokes, and they have all the movie quotes, and that’s what works for you. But that’s not what works for me. And it’s that surface level stuff that I really try to break through. And that deep person is who I am. And it’s tough for me, because I came here to meet the girl that had her heart broken and was devastated by Chris Soules, not the girl who wanted to get her field plowed by Chris. I feel like I’ve found that you’re still that girl and I feel you are here to make out with a bunch of dudes on TV. And bringing Nick in, I don’t question his intentions, I question your intentions. I really see you as a surface level person at this stage. I wonder if you’re really that shallow, because I don’t see anything beyond the surface.

TL;DR: Ian didn’t like how the game was played, how he had to pursue a woman for the first time in his life and that there was competition for her. Rough stuff.

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We didn’t see Kaitlyn who sent home at the end of the cocktail party where their conversation took place, but since Ian basically wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, there’s no reason to think he’s sticking around. Especially because he tweeted this last night, among several other obnoxious things.

Sorta seems like Kaitlyn’s face when Ian was talking to her sums this all up for us.


Contact the author at dries@jezebel.com.