How Much Is That Ass? A Price Guide for Every Cosmetic Procedure

Did you ever wonder how much Nicki Minaj paid for that ass? Or what Kim Kardashian's face costs her? What is the maintenance fee for Real Housewives? Here, we have an entire catalog of price points on every cosmetic procedure you've ever heard of (and some you haven't).

Perhaps it's because of a recent spate in plastic-surgery based reality shows or the insidiousness of Kardashian Kulture that's led to cosmetic procedures being so normalized that most of us have a secret, hypothetical wish list of little things we would get "fixed" if we had the money. Or maybe the list isn't so hypothetical—15.1 million cosmetic procedures were performed in 2013 alone (up 3 percent from 2012), and there's been a particular spike in butt lifts. It would seem that we actually are morphing into a dystopian satire like that of Brazil.

Still, the described recovery periods of some these procedures seem particularly awful and illuminate how surgery isn't really a "quick fix" of anything.

The following info is based on "fair prices" from the Healthcare Bluebook as well as estimates, statistics and post-op instructions from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS). It's important to remember that with anything cosmetic (hair, makeup, etc.) there's a certain level of artistry involved that could affect the total price. In other words, you get what you pay for!


Breast Implants

Facility fee: $1,680
Physician fee: $3,400
Anesthesia: $809 (90 minutes)
Extras: $700 more for silicone instead of saline
Total: $5,889

Recovery time: 2 - 6 weeks
After surgery you "may experience difficulty raising your arms." You can go back to work within a couple of days to a week, depending on what you do for a living. You can't really exercise for the first couple of weeks and then after that you have to "take care to be extremely gentle" with your new boobs for at least a month.


Breast Lift

Facility fee:$1,763
Physician fee: $3,990
Anesthesia: $809 (90 minutes)
Total: $6,562

Recovery time: 2 - 6 weeks
You can return to work in about a week, depending on your job. You're supposed to avoid sexual activity for a minimum of one or two weeks or even longer. After that, you're advised to "be extremely gentle" with your breasts for the next couple of weeks.


Breast Reduction

Facility fee: $3,707
Physician fee: $2,141
Anesthesia: $1,315
Total: $7164

Recovery time: 2 - 6 weeks
You can return to work in about a week. You may not be able to wash your hair "for a while," because you will not be allowed to raise your hands over your head.


Butt Augmentation

Facility fee: $2,298
Physician fee: $4,600
Anesthesia: $1,315 (2 hours)
Extras: Implants or fat transfer could be $3000 or more
Total: $8,214

Recovery time: 3 - 4 weeks
The recovery period is longer and more painful because you need your butt to do the most basic physical activities, like walking or standing. You have to lie on your stomach exclusively for the first three days, including in the backseat of the car on your way to your first post-op visit. You can't even return to your desk job, drive, or go to the movies for at least two to three weeks.

"No sitting will be permitted for the first ten days (except for toileting)," according to the ASAPS. When you finally are allowed to sit again, you can only do so on a pillow for the next two months. Doctors advise that you not shop for new clothes for at least three months because of swelling. You can begin exercising again after eight weeks.


Butt Lift

Facility fee: $2,162
Physician fee: $4,580
Anesthesia: $809 (90 minutes)
Total: $7,551

Recovery time: 2 - 4 weeks
Just like butt implants, butt lift surgery is extensive and it will be up to a month before you can resume normal activities. Full healing will take several months.


Eyelid Surgery

Facility fee: $1,496
Physician fee: $2,750
Anesthesia: $809 (90 minutes)
Total: $5,055

Recovery time: 10 - 14 days
You'll have bruised, black eyes for a week or more. The first two days post-op should be spent at home and patients are instructed to "avoid activities that may dry the eyes, including reading, watching television, wearing contacts, and using a computer." Normal activity can resume after about two weeks.


Facelift/Neck lift

Facility fee: $3,006
Physician fee: $5,460
Anesthesia: $1,315 (2 hours)
Total: $9,781

Recovery time: 1 - 2 weeks
After surgery, you have to sleep with your head elevated at 45 degrees for two weeks. And it's really important to not sleep on your side or stomach. You aren't allowed to bend forward or bend over. You can't drive or go back to work for at least a week. You can't go swimming or do any other kind of strenuous exercise for at least a month.


Brow Lift

Facility fee: $1,496
Physician fee: $3,050
Anesthesia: $605 (60 minutes)
Total: $5,151

Recovery time: 1 - 3 weeks
You have to sleep with your head elevated for a week. You can return to work within a week, but can't drive for two weeks post surgery.


Thigh Lift

Facility fee: $2,142
Physician fee: $4,480
Anesthesia: $1,315 (2 hours)
Total: $7,937

Recovery time: 10 - 14 days
You can't walk or drive for the first two to three weeks post surgery. The first 14 days should only involve "light" activities. You can't jog for the first six weeks.


Upper Arm Lift

Facility fee: $1,851
Physician fee: $3,570
Anesthesia: $809 (90 minutes)
Total: $6,230

Recovery time: 1-2 weeks
You must have a responsible adult take you home and remain with you continuously for at least 24 hours after surgery, according to the ASAPS. It will be at least one or two weeks before you can return to work and 10 days before you can drive. You can start exercising after a month.


Tummy Tuck

Facility fee: $1,228
Physician fee: $4,840
Anesthesia: $605 (60 minutes)
Total: $6,673

Recovery time: 2 - 3 weeks
Fully recovering from a tummy tuck procedure actually takes about six months or more. The first week will be the worst, pain-wise, and you will still feel like you are recovering for about two to three weeks. You can return to work after about two weeks.


Liposuction

Facility fee: $1,258
Physician fee: $2,540 (for one region of the body)
Anesthesia: $605 (60 minutes)
Total: $4,403

Recovery time: 3 - 10 days
You can return to work within a few days, but should wait "a minimum of six weeks" before exposure to sun and heat, because of the possibility of swelling. You need to wear a compression garment over the treated area for four to six weeks to control swelling.


Fat Grafting

Fat grafting or fat transfer works like other injectable fillers, but are more permanent. The process involves removing fat from one part of the body and then injecting it into another.
Extras: The cost of liposuction to obtain the fat
Total: $2000

Recovery time: 1 - 2 weeks
There is significant swelling and bruising during the first week, and "you will not be ready to see others socially or professionally" for at least 10 days, according to the ASAPS. "Most people who have very little time off from work take one week off, including two flanking weekends. Those who can afford two weeks off or more are even better positioned to return to work. By the third week you will begin to look more like yourself."


Nose Job

Facility fee: $3,335
Physician fee: $2,668
Anesthesia: $1,013 (2 hours and 30 minutes)
Total: $7,015

Recovery time: 1- 2 weeks
You'll have a splint and bandages on your nose for a week to 10 days. It takes up to two weeks before most of the swelling and bruising go away. You can return to work relatively soon after surgery, if you don't mind walking around with a giant bandage on the middle of your face. Exercise can usually be resumed within three weeks.


Chin/Lip Implant

Facility Fee: $1,778
Physician fee: $2,030
Anesthesia: $605 (60 minutes)
Total: $4,413

Recovery time: 1 - 2 weeks
You can return to work within a week. You have to sleep face-up position at a 45-degree angle for at least a week. Because there will be sutures inside the mouth, you may be restricted to a soft-food diet for up to 10 days. After six weeks you can resume exercising and other "vigorous" physical activity.


Vaginal Rejuvenation

Facility fee: $8,783 (inpatient, 2 day admission)
Physician fee: $1,607
Anesthesia: $783 (2 hours)
Total: $11,173

Recovery time: 5 - 7 days
Bed rest the day of surgery is recommended and you can return to work within a week, depending on your activity level. No sex for a month.


Botox

Total: $455

Recovery time: Almost immediate, but there might be some bruising that will resolve in about a week. You have to be careful to not touch or massage the injected area afterward because it could inadvertently spread the Botox to unintended areas.


Fillers

Restylane: $560
Radiesse: $860
Collagen: $400

Recovery time: 1 -3 days
It will take about a week for any swelling or bruising to clear up. In that time, you might be advised to not wear makeup.


Non-surgical Fat Reduction

VelaShape: $1,100

Recovery time: 1-2 days
It could take a few days for redness or swelling to subside, but you can return to all normal activity immediately.


Chemical Peel

$560

Recovery time: 1 day - 2 weeks
Your recovery really depends on how deep of a peel you get. A light peel might involve a little bit of redness, but you can return to work immediately after. A medium to deep peel will involve a lot of redness and some scabbing for up to two weeks. You might actually not want to be seen in public in that time.

Image by Sam Woolley, source images via Shutterstock.