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When it comes to holidays, the theory is generally that you can never have enough of them. Though one Arizona lawmaker might be pushing the limits of that rule. During a conversation on the floor of the Arizona House Rep. Richard Miranda proposed a Latino American Day in Arizona, to celebrate the accomplishments of the state's many latino residents. That seems harmless enough, but a heated debate ensued, and after a while Rep. Ash jumped in to say, "I'm supportive of this proposition. I just want them to assure me that when we do become in the minority you'll have a day for us." Ohh, interesting idea... More »
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Earlier this month, the Pew Research Institute announced that fewer than half of Americans are currently married, the lowest rate ever recorded. In a frantic effort to save marriage, every single fucking person in the whole world got engaged over Christmas. Newly betrothed, you are all heroes. More »
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What are your plans for today? If you said, "having sex," then you've got lots of company. (Although hopefully you're not doing it right this second. You don't want to be rude!) It turns out that the period between Christmas and New Year's Day is a time when a huge amount of babies are conceived. A study found that 9 percent of all conceptions in the United States occur in December. And the most common birthday is September 16th, which just happens to be about 9 months from right now. So, who knows what unexpected gifts this Holiday season could end up delivering to you. More »
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Christmas is over! Now that all the joy (and pain) of spending hours on end with one's family and consuming ungodly amounts of food is wearing off, it's time to go back to thinking about the true meaning of the holiday season: stuff! More »
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In the course of holiday shopping, you'll inevitably come across some gifts you didn't even know existed. But what about the flipside — gifts that really should exist, but for some reason do not? Below, a list of gifts we'd really like to see — manufacturers take note! More »
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Dana Zemack has been making stick figure comics since she was 12. This week, she made one just for us. More »
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Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, which, in my day, would've meant killing two birds with one stone and only having to go to church once this week. But not in 2011, The Year of the WTF. Rather than rolling out the red carpet for Baby Jesus's magic birthday, some churches are actually canceling or scaling back services on Sunday so that their parishoners and clergy can spend the day doing more Christmassy things like opening presents, eating, and watching Wal-Mart commercials with The Nutcracker Suite playing in the background. More »
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Apparently the more elaborate the wrapping, the higher the expectations — and if you're giving a little something simple, you maybe shouldn't wrap it at all. You bet your bows and ribbons Yale University's Center for Customer Insights did a study on this! More »
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For me, a big part of the pleasure of giving a loved one a gift is in the wrapping. I'm not planning to give or receive many gifts this year — I have enough stuff, for real — but I get such a kick out of wrapping presents that the rest of my family tends to delegate all their gift-wrapping to me. With a few mugs of mulled wine and a podcast or two on the stereo, it's fun and an easy way to be creative on a small scale. And you don't have to spend a bunch of money on paper and ribbons, either. You can wrap great-looking presents with stuff you probably already have on hand. More »
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Today on The View, Mario Cantone and Joey McIntyre sang a straight man/gay man version of "Baby It's Cold Outside," except they changed the words to "Buddy, it's cold outside" and it was the worst thing ever. NKOTBWTFBBQ. More »
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Maybe it's the stress of endless social obligations, maybe it's the diminished daylight hours, and maybe people are just a bunch of Santapunching Scrooges. No matter the reason, every year, it seems as though a rash of appropriately decorated seasonal violence erupts during the holiday season. Here's this year's rundown of Fe-le-le-le-lelonies. More »
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Much unlike many a magazine editor who recommends you buy all sorts of crap that they most likely got for free, your Jezebel staff doesn't get jack shit (other than books, unsolicited). And that's how it should be. But on our own time, in our personal lives, we still buy stuff. So this is Worth It, our recommendation of random things that we've actually spent our own money on. These are the things we buy regularly or really like, things we'd actually tell our friends about. And now we're telling you. More »
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With massive hordes of people flying and bad weather predicted, there's a good chance you might find yourself stuck in an airport this holiday season. Whether you're there with an extra hour to kill or you're stuck for days on end because of a weather apocalypse, the airport is a tedious, crowded, and soul-deadening place. If you're lucky, you'll have access to some sort of special Ambassador's Club, but if you are forced to spend any time among the hoi polloi, here are some fun strategies to help you enjoy your trip and keep you from totally losing your mind. More »
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Is your fondest holiday wish to permanently alienate one of your nearest and dearest? Are you looking for a way to ensure that your relatives never invite you to another festive family celebration? Well then perhaps you should follow this advice from the BBC: "Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas." More »
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We've all wondered how exactly Santa Claus manages to deliver toys to millions of children around the world in just a single night. His journey clearly defies all logic, and yet each year otherwise rational adults go to great lengths to preserve the image of Santa Claus as a chimney-diving hero for the younger folks in their lives. Now this cute new video from the Mediastation explains the scientific realities of Santa and his round-the-world mission. More »
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While lots of holiday parties are mostly about fun, togetherness, and hot cider, they may also include expressions of the host's religion. Below, a few tips for attending parties of faiths different from your own — and for hosting a friendly, meaningful affair. More »
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Hopefully Sasha and Malia Obama won't be going online or turning on the TV in the next few days, because every news outlet in America is reporting on what President Obama bought them for Christmas. This afternoon Obama took Bo to Pet Smart and bought him a bone and a chew toy for $41. Then he headed to Best Buy, where he bought the Wii game Just Dance 3 and two $50 iTunes gift cards. "The girls beat me every time on these dance games," he told reporters. "You'll never get a picture of me [playing] because I get graded F every time." More »
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Weeks worth of toiling and thousands of votes, and it's down to this: the moment of Great Reveal. You've chosen which audio blight deserves the title of Worst Christmas Song of All Time! And, the winner is... More »
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While installing central heating in his Dublin, Ireland home, John Byrne found a letter to Santa Claus written in 1911 by two children, 10-year-old Hannah Howard and her 7-year-old brother Fred. The children placed the letter on a shelf inside their fireplace, and miraculously it remained there for decades and was only slightly burned. In the letter Hannah writes, "I want a baby doll and a waterproof with a hood and a pair of gloves and a toffee apple and a gold penny and a silver sixpence and a long toffee." Sadly, if people of the future find our letters they won't be half as lovely, since we usually asked for stuff like Skip-It and Totally Hair Barbie. More »
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After several arduous days of rending our eardrums with awful holiday songs, we've about reached the end of our journey. That's right, folks: today's the day we choose the champion of our December Madness tournament and officially choose The Worst Christmas Song of All Time. More »
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Thinking of getting someone in your family a nice pair of slippers this Christmas? How bourgeois of you! If you were truly sophistiqué you would shell out nineteen American dollars for a pair of Restoration Hardware's "luxury plush foot duvets." Perhaps you cannot decide what to give that special person in your life and despair that you will ruin Christmas by buying a DVD collector's set? Restoration Hardware has just the thing — a "handwoven rope" you can hang yourself with for only $99 (warning: rope is for "decorative purposes only" and may not be structurally sound enough to support your angst-riddled corpse). Tired of that dumpy fir tree stinking up your living room? Go green and get a "driftwood tree" to guilt-trip your tree-murdering guests. More »
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We've done it. We've almost completed our sonic journey to the center of Christmas's butthole. From 30 bad songs, we've now narrowed it down four finalists, and today you get to decide who moves on to the Championship. Let's get to voting! More »
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Does this time of year always make you feel a bit under the weather? It might be your Christmas tree's fault! Of course, it could also be your overzealous consumption of holiday punch and your constant diet of buttery cookies. But it's probably that damned tree that you paid like 65 bucks for and then dragged all the way home, only to find out it's actually a pine-needled menace, just waiting to irritate your respiratory system and prevent you from getting the most out of your New Year's Eve date. More »
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In this big bah-humbug world of ours, it's hard to find a story that defies cynicism. But these tales of anonymous "guardian angel" shoppers who have been paying off the KMart layaway balances for poor families trying to buy Christmas presents for their kids is one of those bawl-inducing items that will make even the smallest of hearts grow three sizes. Hope you've been properly stretching and lubricating your tear ducts, because these are doozies. More »
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Whether you've got a drinker or two on your present list, or have judged yourself in need of a little holiday cheer, alcohol is a holiday gift-giving staple. It's widely available, and everyone — well, everyone except maybe alcoholics — loves getting it. Here is a selection of the alcohols I've most enjoyed in the past year, and some alcohol-related accessories that — although never as cool as receiving booze itself — are not dumb. More »
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Only one more voting day to go until we're down to the Frightful Four in our Search for the Worst Christmas Song Ever. Let's rip your least-beloved holiday classic to shreds like the wrapping paper covering that rock tumbler your parents never gave you. The time to vote is nigh! More »
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Have you had trouble getting into the holiday spirit this year? Perhaps this yuletide message from former presidential candidate and probable sleazeball Herman Cain will put you in the mood. Don't forget that this is the time of year to sing weirdly patriotic Christmas tunes, read aloud from the Bible to your allegedly wronged wife, and wish everyone "all the best in this lovely, forgiving and peaceful season." Emphasis on the "forgiving." More »
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The search for the Worst Christmas Song Ever is closer than ever to crowning its champion. We're down to the final 8, and we need your votes to decide which holiday song deserves to be roasted on an open fire. Let's get to it! More »
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I don't have any children (that I know of, heh) and very few of my close friends have kids, but I believe that children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way. Which means you want kids to be smart and interesting and creative and so on, and not just pawns in a corporate conglomerate chess game, where every cartoon is a secret marketing ploy for a made-in-China non-bio-degradable thingamajig that will only be entertaining for three hours on December 25th. As a kid, I spent a lot of time in museums, and I think some of the best presents for kids can be found in an institution devoted to arts or sciences. Yeah, that's right, I'm one of those people who believes in edjumacational gifts, okay? Here are some suggestions… More »
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With each passing holiday season, you get a little older until you wake up one Christmas morning trapped in the frozen clutches of your life partner, whose heart gave out sometime after you both fell asleep watching It's a Wonderful Life.  If your nieces, nephews, kids, and grandkids spent years denying your old age by getting you stuff like gym memberships and windsurfing boards, you would have never seen it coming.  Though there are certain privileges that come with getting old like shoplifting with impunity, swearing loudly in public, and retiring, most people still think of inexorable organic decay the way Sam the Lion does in The Last Picture Show: ridiculous.  If you're stumped with what to get an aging relative this year, you might opt for a gift that defies the traditional concept of stolid old age, like skydiving lessons or a Nintendo Wii.  Those are fine (if patronizing) choices but if you really want to do your parents, your aunts and uncles, your grandparents, and that forty-something Gen X cousin you have because your Aunt Jeanie and Uncle Raymond didn't use condoms when they started dating in high school all a favor, get them something that will politely remind them that, at their age, death can come at any moment so they should do what a lot of mature, older people want to do once their kids have grown up and their lives have more or less stabilized: chill the fuck out and maybe go on a sweet cruise in the Caribbean. More »
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Apparently Spanx thinks our troops are looking a little less than svelte lately. So they've sent them a thoughtful Christmas present — some shaping undershirts to help them "feel support in a whole new way." More »
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As Christmas approaches, so too do we approach finding which holiday tune is the most terrible. Let your too-small heart shrink three more sizes and bury yourself with a sprig of holly in your heart and these terrible songs in your ears: Unsweet Sixteen voting continues right now. More »
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The first round of our quest to find the most awful Christmas song has concluded, and deck my halls with soundproof earmuffs, were there ever some upsets! Now, your votes are more important than ever as we pit the winners of the first round against each other in a battle for their crappy survival. Onto round two! More »
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You can put your pepper spray away because this year there's no toy deemed hot enough to trample fellow shoppers over. Heavily promoted items like Angry Birds toys and Lalaoopsy dolls haven't really caught on, and retailers like Target and Walmart are stocking less merchandise. They're also relying more on classic toys so they won't have to sell off shelves upon shelves of Furbys come January. This may be a sign of the nation's economic troubles, but on the plus side kids' expectations are low, so you can just slap a bow on that Monopoly game tucked in the closet or give your child the cardboard tube she really wants. More »
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Justin Bieber will not rest until he's offended every group on the planet. With the first two songs off his Christmas album he angered Boyz II Men fans, then anyone who's found themselves singing along to "All I Want For Christmas." Now he's going after the steampunk lovers. More »
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It's tough to buy for the friend who has everything — but what about the friend who hates everything? Never fear: we have suggestions to help you melt your most curmudgeonly buddy's frozen, twisted heart — or at least help her revel in its twistedness. More »
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Last week, we asked for your help in our search for the shittiest ditty currently filling us with Christmas Sneer. Before we move on to the second round of voting, we've got a new bracket full of new Jingle Hells for you to vote on. Onward and downward! More »
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Apparently the toy elf that goes with the book The Elf On The Shelf is "all the rage" this Christmas, especially since CBS aired an animated special in November. But as far as we know, the elf does not carry a meat cleaver and brutally hack people to death. And what's with the candy cane blow job? Leave it to the folks at Next Media Animation to turn a sweet family story about striking fear into your children into a horrid, bloody tale. Nightmare before Christmas, indeed. More »
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On the third day of December Madness, my true love gave to me: eight songs-a-sucking. After two days of bravely listening to terrible Christmas songs, we're one day closer to crowning the Worst Christmas Song Ever. Let's get on to the next set of Holiday Horrors, and onto the next round of voting. More »
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The Cleveland Clinic has issued a list of risk factors for holiday depression, and if you are alive, you basically have all of them. More »
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