Vogue has released a fun little video wherein we observe columnist Princess Elisabeth von Thurn und Taxis—or “TNT,” her much more relatable nickname—pretend to shop for beds.

“It has to be durable. Not too soft, not too hard; not too expensive, but not cheap, environmentally friendly,” TNT intones re: her mattress requirements, on what might be the first subway ride of her life.

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She tests out a $100,000 bed, asks “What is Sleepy’s?” and then jumps on all of the mattresses in Sleepy’s, asks several MTA plebeians what they look for in a mattress, asks a carriage horse what he looks for in a mattress, climbs onto a child-sized bed in Ikea, jumps up and down in a room full of inflatable breasts, and then comes to this final, world-rocking conclusion:

I wonder if the perfect mattress is actually an illusion! Maybe there isn’t such a thing as a perfect, perfect bed.

Then she finds a pea.

Can someone explain?


Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.