Here's What Us Weekly's 'Exclusive' Photo of Kris Jenner Looks Like

The Kardashian-Jenners are currently on vacation in St. Barts with their all their best paparazzi friends, and Us Weekly was given the privilege of exclusively publishing photos of their adventure. In a post entitled “Exclusive Photos: Kris Jenner, 59, Rocks a Tiny Bikini During St. Barts Family Vacation” you’ll find an image of Kris Jenner so astonishing that your head might spin until decapitating itself and hovering like a scary drone into the mesosphere.

Though we cannot publish it here, we can provide you with a detailed description.

In the center, taking up approximately 25% of the image, is the body of a smiling, living “Kris Jenner, 59, rocking a tiny bikini” while walking down a sandy beach and staring out at the ocean. Draped on her shoulders is a semi-transparent, fringed black shawl that appears to be screaming, “I’m proud of this body, America! Why would I cover it all up?” On her left earlobe is what appears to be a large diamond or diamond-like stone she isn’t afraid of losing, on her fingers are two broad golden rings (or perhaps it’s just yellow washi tape), and held in her right hand is a white hat that appears to have never been worn. She is barefoot—with her right leg planted firmly in the sand, and her left leg raised mid-step.

This is a happy woman. A proud woman. This woman is Kris Jenner, 59. She is rocking a tiny bikini during a St. Barts family vacation, and you can see her here.