Yesterday, Beyoncé released a preview of her upcoming "Grown Woman" video and it's a measly 12-seconds. Are you serious, Bey? 12 fucking seconds and you expect to have us bowing down, salivating and — I'm sorry, hold on. There's someone at my door, but I'll be back to finish this rant in just a second.
Okay. Anyway, I take back everything that I said before and not because it was the Illuminati who just stopped by and definitely not because they punched me in the face several times and threatened to hurt everyone I love. What? Black eye? Oh, this old thing? No, that just happened when I watched 12-seconds of the wonderful new Beyoncé video and became so thrilled that I had to smash my face into a doorknob a few times in order to calm down. Hahaha. I'm such a klutz! Huh? My finger is chopped off? Oh, yeah. This is no big deal at all. I did this myself when I saw how good — NO — how great she looked as a platinum blonde. Well, I am going to go lay down NOT because I am dizzy from blood loss, but because I'm dizzy with all of the excitement I feel about how Beyoncé is really at the forefront of this whole 90s revival. BEYONCÉ IS THE BEST.