As you probably know, The Longest Ride bucked its way into theaters today. Co-stars Scott Eastwood and Britt Robertson have been promoting the ever-loving heck out of the new Nicholas Sparks adaptation, everywhere from The Hollywood Life to Watch What Happens Live! But the oddest Longest Ride #promo can be found on the film’s official Tumblr, a thoroughly bizarre collection of photos, videos, and animated GIFs whose perceived intentions of making making the film seem romantic have ended up doing...well, I’m not sure exactly, But it’s certainly not that! Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

As you might expect, there’s a lot about love. What love is:

What love changes:

What love requires:

So love is everything and love changes everything, but it also requires giving some of everything up. Another thing love requires? Staring at your lover for infinity.

Another thing about love is that, whenever possible, it should be silhouetted by shapes.

Animal shapes:

Man shapes:

But never, ever female shapes. Ghost shapes are fine though!

Shapes are a great way to sell a movie. You know what else is a great way to sell a movie? This:

“Alan Alda is in it?” a teen shrieks at her friend while scrolling through her Tumblr dashboard. “We’ve gotta buy tickets now!” Thankfully, that interaction was dramatized with this masterpiece:

After the film’s premiere, images were posted from a GIF photobooth, a staple at all cool events. There were people who understand how to use GIF photobooths:

And people who didn’t:

I’m so glad The Longest Ride’s official tumblr exists, and I hope it is updated until the end of time. There’s so much I have to learn about love, uncomfortable staring, and Alan Alda.

Images via Tumblr.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.