Something dark happened the day after Thanksgiving, and it wasn’t the realization that Black Friday is indeed a thing that people you love and care about might love and care about. In some households, still-very full individuals awoke to find that the band of teen boys attending their Thanksgiving dinner had thrown out the gravy and the cranberry sauce. Now there was no garnish with which to garnish their post-Thanksgiving sandwiches.

That’s just one woman’s tale. The rest of you seemed to have better days. Many went basic, but ate their sandwiches so quickly they didn’t take photos of the evidence prior to consumption. Others hollowed out dinner rolls to allow more space for the toppings. Some tried creative types of bread, like croissants, or tortillas. One used turkey skin as a wrapper. Another turned their mashed potatoes into latkes and used those as the bread. Genius.

There were those who took the influence of the grilled cheese and ran a mile. Those who managed to get a casserole between two pieces of bread. Those who made leftover ham muffins, cause why not? Those folks who set up a bowl of gravy for dipping. Those who created flavor combos I’d never even dreamed of: Turkey and cream cheese. Pretzel rolls and cajun dressing. Cranberry mayo. Cucumber and feta. Harvarti, brie and szechuan sauce?

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But we’re not here for the plebs, as hard as all their work was and will continue to be. We’re here for royalty. So here’s this year’s royal family:

Bastard Son of the Thanksgiving Leftovers Sandwich goes to the Pilgrim Napoleon from Kyle:

The Pilgrim Napoleon:

Layer in following order-

Flattened stuffing patty, sautéed on both sides to crisp up; Reheated Turkey; Gravy; Craisins; Flattened and sautéed sweet potato and pecan patty; More reheated turkey; Gravy; Another stuffing patty; Gravy; Craisins.

Garnish with leftover carrots, so it has some redeeming nutritional value (optional)

Snotty Sister of the Thanksgiving Leftovers Sandwich goes to John Star, who provided no photo but more than enough description for the imagination:

Thick sliced duck fat infused turkey breast, crispy Trader Joe’s apple smoked bacon, real Gruyere Swiss, Fuerte avocado, fresh scissor cut home-grown baby romaine, and home made virgin olive oil mayo with a dash of smoked paprika & fresh lemon peel with ground Tellicherry black pepper... filed in perfect order between two thick slices of convection flash toasted buttery-soft & tangy Bourdin San Francisco Sourdough.

Cocopop has been crowned Queen of the Thanksgiving Leftovers Sandwich, with this simple but classy beauty:

Behold, Motherfuckers-

Turkey breast and smoked Provolone on a buttered French roll, broiled, with gravy.

That in the front? That’s melted cheese dripping into gravy.

But King of the Thanksgiving Leftovers Sandwich, it seems, must go to Aaron, who sent his in via email with the message, “I’m so proud of my sandwich and I don’t understand how to use Kinja.” That’s fair, Aaron—your devotion stands and is recognized with the ultimate honor.

The sandwich is made from:

Two thick toasted slices of Challah: one piece is lightly mayoed, the other piece is lightly cranberry sauced.

On the bread I’ve stacked:

Garlic and sweet potato mashed potatoes (the one sweet potato makes it a pleasing pale orange color).

Grilled shredded brussles sprouts and prosciutto

Chestnut and sausage stuffing

Melted monterey jack cheese

Shallots soaked in red wine vinegar

Fried pepperoni (EFF.TEA.DUBS)

Re-heated shredded turkey (dark meat)

Re-heated Gravy

Two slices of melted American Cheese

Hot Peppers

Pickles

Another layer of mashed potatoes

Vinaigrette Cabbage Cole Slaw

I’m sure some of your readers will call this sandwich overkill and claim that the fried pepperoni is cheating or gilding the lily. No one can judge me but god.

Is this thing even edible? Who’s to say. Well at least one person: Aaron. Aaron’s to say. Congrats to Aaron, and remember: when it comes to sandwiches, we’ll all winners.


Contact the author at dries@jezebel.com.