There’s little to be said when a new movie gets successfully promoted. The actors show up for interviews, give PR-approved soundbites about what an honor it was to work on the picture, and go home a little richer while the rest of us—the hideous normals—move on with our lives...or at least onto something more entertaining. But when a press tour goes terribly? That’s an entirely different story.

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We’re currently living in what—to me, as a parasite of the industry—feels like one of the longest droughts in celebrity gossip to occur in years. We can blame it on all-to0-effective publicists or on phrases like “misquoted” or “out of context,” but, whatever it is, the fact remains that these are dire times. I mean, we’re currently reporting on exes Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner being polite to one another—I can’t fathom anything more boring, but that’s how desperate we’ve all become.

This is why I’m so grateful to actor Henry Cavill who, HEROICALLY, is currently turning the Batman v Superman press tour into the biggest promotional shitstorm since Fifty Shades of Grey.

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Besides his looks, there is absolutely nothing particularly good, likable, or substantive about Cavill, the man. He spends interviews going on and on about his hot teenage girlfriend, fully admits that he got into acting for the money and not the craft, has a hard time understanding sexism, and—most puzzlingly—weighed in on the #OscarsSoWhite debate by suggesting that enforced diversity is, in its own way racist. His public persona is just isn’t jiving—which is why it’s been so much fun to watch him crash and burn harder and hotter than the planet Krypton.

Let’s take a little look at some of his finer moments over the past few weeks:

In an interview with Man of the World (a men’s lifestyle and shopping magazine that I’ve never heard of, though it features a variety of smokin’ male babes), Cavill delved into why he acts:

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“I’m slightly wary of saying this, because it can be frowned upon, certainly by members of my community and people outside my community, but I’m not just doing this for the art. The money’s fantastic and that’s something which I deem — and again, it is frowned upon — very important.

“...You’ve got to enjoy life! I mean, you’ve got to. When I’m making money I’m spending it on nice stuff, whether that be lavish holidays for me and my friends or just seeing something and going in a shop and saying, ‘Yeah, I want that for the house,’ I’m buying it. Spending money on my friends, buying dinner for everyone, drinks for everyone, it’s a nice place to be, and I like people to feel cared for.

“People will be calling me a cock as they’re reading this, but travel’s great as long as you’re going first class. I mean, traveling to New Zealand in economy, it sucks. Especially if you’re over six feet. But first class? I’m not going to ever pretend to be coy about that. I love it.”

First of all, let me say that I love this quote. It’s so honest, so easy to resent. All actors should talk this way, ESPECIALLY if they’re going to be this inconsistent about it. From his profile in DuJour:

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And though Cavill’s a regular on red carpets around the world and has even lent his face to fragrance campaigns for the fashion brand Dunhill, he says the trappings of life as a movie star aren’t the most appealing part of his job. “Do you want to be famous?” he asks. “Then you shouldn’t be an actor. If you’re trying to be famous, you’ve lost before you’ve even begun. You might as well apply for [the reality series] Big Brother.” Instead, he prefers the opportunity to take on projects he thinks are exciting, to work with people he finds inspiring and to have downtime to indulge in video games or a trip to the pub—even if his drinking is occasionally interrupted by fans brandishing smartphones. “If people want to take a photo, that’s fine,” he says. “But they’re going to get a photo of me drunk.”

But back to his interview with Man of the World and, who knows why, his thoughts on the #OscarsSoWhite debate. Heads up, they’re very dumb!

“I honestly believe that every year there are people passed over who should have been nominated, and that there are people who shouldn’t have been nominated who are. And I don’t think anything has ever changed in that respect…But, that said, this year in particular, there seems to be a serious lack of black guys and girls being nominated.”

Okay, Henry. I’m with you. I’m with you.

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“Maybe the solution is to have more diversity in the members. But does that mean we are saying that to have more black academy members would result in more black nominations? Is that not racist itself?”

Aaaaaand you lost me, but I appreciate you weighing in all the same.

In another interview, he shared some thoughts on catcalling and double standards:

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In an interview with The Sunday Times, the 32-year-old English actor claimed women exhibit “double standards” when it comes to catcalling.

“I do think there’s a bit of a double standard, you know.

“I mean, if a girl shouts something like ‘Oi, love, fancy a shag?’ to me as I walk past I do sometimes wonder how she’d feel if a builder said that to her. Although, of course, I wouldn’t feel physically threatened, as she might.”

Glad he came to that conclusion, but—speaking of double standards—perhaps Cavill should shut his pretty mouth? Because comparing the situation of an apple to the situation of an orange never makes much sense? Or—why not—he can keep talking. Like I said, I’m having a great time!

Perhaps the best part of the whole press tour is Cavill’s seeming assurance that he’s charming the pants off America through each and every interview. Like, here he is on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, defending Superman’s disguise (a pair of glasses) by going to Times Square in a Superman shirt and noting that no one recognizes him.

Maybe that’s because not everybody slogged through The Tudors like I did, motherfucker! You’re not that famous here yet! But give it time, my charmless prince. Give it time! One day—if you try hard enough—the world will recognize you and you’ll finally be happy.

We have less than a week left of Batman v Superman promotions, but a whole LIFETIME remains for Henry Cavill to say dumb things. Let’s just hope that he never, ever listens to a publicist. Bless his heart.


Image via Getty.