CAT DIALS 911 Is the Ultimate Summer News Story

Forget a slow news day—summer is the slow news season. Politicians, celebs and bigwigs aren't doing anything but chilling at their second and third homes. Coverage thins to two categories: sudden catastrophes (plane crash, plane crash, plane crash) and "hell, just go with it." Here is the ultimate example of the latter: A cat in Sarasota, Florida, dialed 911.

That is the whole story! Zeke, a shelter feline given free reign of the office who likes to walk on gadgets, crank-called emergency services. And ABC 7 turned this into an entire news segment. It doesn't get any more summer than this. Peak summer news. Stare deep into the id of the July news cycle:

Things to love about this video and its spread across the Internet:

  • The reporter: "There's an old saying: Curiosity killed the cat." Seriously, somebody buy this man a beer: "You could say Zeke here is so desperate to find a new home, he called for help."
  • That this happened at an animal shelter called "Cat Depot." CAT DEPOT.
  • The shelter boss: "We're like—oh my gosh, we think Zeke called 911."
  • The headline on the online version: "Sarasota cat calls 911 to report e-meow-gency."
  • The New York Daily News headline: "Florida cat dials 911 from animal rescue facility." Florida Cat, the beloved pet of Florida Man and Florida Woman.

Zeke's lack of remorse is total:

CAT DIALS 911 Is the Ultimate Summer News Story

Imagine the pitch meeting that produced this piece of journalism. A bunch of reporters sit around a battered conference room in a TV station, wilted thanks to insufficient air conditioning. Their options for the evening broadcast: a whole lot of nothing. They look to the boss, who sighs, bows his head, runs his hand through his thinning hair. "Fuck it. Go with the cat who called 911."

Actual news will return September 1.