Happy 4th of July! On this holiday, Taylor Swift would like to remind you that she is free. Free from the tyranny of not having thousands of people cheer for her all the time. Free from the oppression of not getting to dress like the ringleader of a psychosexual nightmare circus. Free to hire a woman with a bedazzled red violin for her personal orchestra.

I had high expectations for the "Red" music video. I thought to myself, "There's probably going to be a horse, the anguished murmurings of a young woman's heart maybe, fireworks?, a wig if I'm really lucky..." But no. There was just Taylor in concert and the greedy, reaching hands of Taylor's eager fans. At first I wondered, "Where is the bucolic setting? Where is the tender romance between children? Where is Vanessa from Gossip Girl?" By the end, though — I will confess to it — I was moved. But I also cry every time I think about the Budweiser Clysedale commercial, so I'm probably not the best judge.

Seriously, though: if you have millions of adoring devotees, why not commemorate their screams of glee? If I were to put all my fans in a room and videotape them, the footage would be of my mom checking her Instagram and a confused pedestrian who mistook me for the girl from Paramore. So good for you, Taylor. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep wearing that circus blazer.