Gwyneth Paltrow Is Publishing a Rude-Ass Cookbook

Goopster Gwyneth Paltrow has written another cookbook which she has mockingly titled: It’s All Easy: Healthy, Delicious Weeknight Meals in Under 30 Minutes.

Oh, IS IT ALL SO EASY, GWYNETH? I’m largely pretty indifferent towards Beyoncé’s good friend, but it is rather amazing how almost single everything this woman does to appear more down to earth backfires on her.

When you are very rich and famous and have all the resources and help in the world, calling shit “easy” isn’t is probably not the way to go. Via GrubStreet:

Gwyneth’s fans have been asking for a cookbook that will help them get healthy, yet wonderfully delicious meals on the table during hectic weeknights. So, finally, this essential cookbook features over 125 recipes that can be made in under 30 minutes that are surprisingly tasty and contain little or no sugar, are low in fat, and many have no gluten.

Perhaps this is just a touch of bitterness on my part because “30 minute meals” regularly take me 45 minutes to an hour to prepare. Also, I see through your goopy world-play. “Surprisingly tasty” for having no sugar, fat or gluten means they’re just a few steps above eating a paper bag.

We all know how Gwyneth operates—what with her frail grasp on the reality of human beings with a net worth under $50 million. Even so, she always takes things just a step too far:

So before you reach for the phone for take-out (often with too much fat and sugar), open this book and find the solution for healthy, yet delicious meals every night of the week.

Nah, girl. Something that requires a cookbook will literally never be easier than tapping open that Seamless app and waiting for your Thai food to arrive.

It’s not that damn easy, Gwyneth, but if you’re willing to give me all your money and free time, I would be thrilled to give it a try. Call me.