Jezebel: Guantanamo

Dick Cheney Sez: "Don't Worry, Be Happy"

Megan Carpentier — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 10:00:00 EDT

Dick Cheney thinks: The Gays should be happy with whatever states choose not to discriminate against them; Americans should be glad George Tenet didn't have worse intel about the link between Saddam and Osama; and the Guantanamo detainees should be happy we didn't summarily execute them. [Time, CNN, MSNBC]

Sarah Palin's Luxury Clothes Ruled Totally Legit

Megan Carpentier — Wed, 20 May 2009 10:00:00 EDT

The Federal Elections Commission dismissed a complaint about the use of campaign money to pay for Governor Sarah Palin's clothes, so she's in the clear on that one. Now about donating them... [Anchorage Daily News]

Getaway?

Sadie Stein — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:20:00 EDT

Images of Miss Universe, Miss USA at Guantánamo. [New York Times via Miami Herald] More »

Leona Helmsley's Dog May Not Talk, But He Can Sort Of Explain The Recession

Moe — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:00:00 EDT

Today's evidence the economy is going straight to the Inferno: 600 Starbucks stores are closing, which will leave a gaping hole in the anchor of countless strip malls and exurban power centers. Oil prices have sunk car sales and rentals to historic lows, and the fact no one is traveling anymore has left casinos struggling to pay the power bills. How did the whole world collapse so quickly? If only Leona Helmsley's dog could talk, folks! (Nobody knows the trouble Trouble has seen.) See, fundamentally not much has changed, but the nature of the market is to exaggerate. Oil prices, which should maybe be around $100 a barrel, have been driven up by speculators. GM stock is at a 53-year low over car sales that are only at a 10-year low. Casinos are power-greedy structures that are generally loaded down with a few billion dollars in debt before they even open and there are 11,500 Starbucks locations that will stick around to sate your dependence on caffeinated milkshakes. But as Leona Helmsley once pointed out, only the little people pay taxes, and only the little people really have to worry about this recession stuff. Dick Grasso is keeping his $140 million payout, the CEO of Starbucks is keeping his billion dollar net worth, and little Trouble here is keeping his $100,000-a-year bodyguard services. That, torture and Obama's mortgage with me and Megan after the jump. More »

Beaver, Trollops and Drinking, Oh My!

Megan Carpentier — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 18:00:47 EDT

Not to in any way indicate that we have anything less than the utmost horror and offense for torture, but Lt. Col. Diane Beaver who once urged our armed forces to conduct more brutal interrogations at Gitmo, testified today before the Senate Armed Services Committee about her role in torturing various people. Even when the jokes aren't appropriate, we still have to make them. [Washington Independent]
Really, it was the fault of this video, which you should not listen to at your office without earphones, that explores in great depth why the news media didn't cover the "John McCain called his wife a cunt" story. [Erica Saves the Day, Glamocracy]
Also, studies show you're drinking more than you think you're drinking, so tip your bartender well! [LA Times]
Oh, what you wanted real news? Fine. Check in with me after the jump.

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This But Please God Only Like 200 More Right?

Moe — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 10:00:00 EDT

God, where to begin today. Maybe with the fact that while your mortgage payment was tripling, Goldman Sachs's earnings fell a whole entire 11% ?? Or like, while the Justice Department was systematically sacking any and all prosecutors whose decisions on things like habeas corpus and torture and crap fell anywhere to the rational side of "automated Bush surrogate," the Pentagon was firing an official for the grave offense of noticing a billion dollar overage on a KBR invoice? Or how even as the net income necessary to join the Top 400 plutocrats, adjusted for inflation, has tripled since the beginning of the Clinton Administration, the McCain campaign is dissing on Obama's economic policy proposals for their inadequate FAITH IN THE MARKETS??? (Wait, was that a question? I don't even know anymore.) Megan and I babble about who should get taxed more and how — and she nominates Hitchens — after the jump. More »

World Mourns Tim Russert, Oil Prices

Moe — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:00:00 EDT

It was a bittersweet Father's Day, what with the untimely death of Tim Russert, who always reminded me of my own dad, who incidentally attended the War College, where one John McCain penned a thesis in 1974 that was just unearthed and scrutinized by the New York Times to remind us how this rabid ideologue once had some interesting ideas, if the tendency to mess with the facts, and in that vein Barack Obama told black men of the world to stop watching SportsCenter since the games are all fixed anyway, and the Saudis agreed to do a little more to ease mass starvation and global chaos and George Bush promised he would get that Bin Laden guy for finally. But if seven years of waterboarding and sham trials and upending the justice department didn't do it, what will??? That and Condi in Israel with me and Megan and my hangover after the jump. More »

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Hates His Nose In This Picture

Moe — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 18:40:00 EDT

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Khalid Sheikh Mohammed thinks the courtroom artist drew his nose too wide. He lost a bunch of weight on the Guantanamo diet and totally turns out to be one of those secretly vain terror masterminds. [USA Today]
This will shock you: Bob Dylan is voting for Barack Obama. Okay, I was kidding about the shocked part. [Times]
There was this whole movement afoot to strongarm Barry into picking Hillary over some of his other bros but I think Hillary took a step back and said, "You know, this is bullshit, I don't care anymore, if he wants me he wants me," and although the hardest part about doing that is always the realization that he's probably gonna be all "It ain't me babe," I'm glad she did that. [NY Times]
You just have to accept that in the Catholic Church shit takes awhile, and that if a priest is accused of pedophilia it might take a few years or even decades to remove him. Now, if he mocks Hillary Clinton and it ends up on YouTube, on the other hand, now that is when you gotta sever all ties right away. [Chicago Tribune] [The Root]
Well this is a new one: alcohol cutting your risk of arthritis. I pretty much always thought gout was arthritis, and that you get that from wine, so this is pretty awesome news, not that I would even notice I had arthritis what with the shakes and whatnot. [BBC]

Is Anna Wintour Taking Money From Charity To Pay Amy Linehouse?

Jennifer — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 11:30:00 EDT

Does Anna Wintour love Amy Winehouse even more than Karl Lagerfeld does? Word on the street is that the singer who wouldn't go to rehab only to go to rehab has been offered $1 million to play at the Wintour-hosted Costume Institute Gala. But a rep says that can't be true since the Costume Institute Gala is supposed to be, you know, a benefit. For the children probably! [WWD, 1st item]

The Beauty Of War

Jennifer — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 13:45:00 EDT

Lush is trying to start a revolution in the bath: They're calling their latest fizzing bath product a "ballistic," and have named the product Guantanamo Garden. "When immersed in water, each product releases a photograph of Sami Al Haj or Binyam Mohamed, who are prisoners at Guantanamo, and information on how to learn more about the human rights charity Reprieve," reports WWD. Which is, um, a little hardcore for bath time. [WWD, sub req'd] More »

Holy Itshay, What Is That Big Black Man Doing On The Cover Of Vogue?!

Jennifer — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 11:30:55 EDT

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Gisele appears on the cover of the April Vogue with...Lebron James. This is may seem like an historic event on par with, say, a black president, but that would belie how far we've come as a nation, revealed by the dead-first comment reacting to the news on our brother blog Deadspin: "That cover would have been much more fantastic if he had been dressed a la Andre french vogue. Oh Anna, Anna, Anna." Our take: Lebron probably exercises more influence over footwear and apparel sales than Anna Wintour and Gisele and Karl Lagerfeld combined. If Vogue really wanted to think outside the (heh) box, they'd make over Lebron's mom. [Deadspin]

Broke Hillary Fires Loyal Hill Force One Captain Patti Solis Doyle

Moe — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 10:00:48 EST

Oh Patti Solis Doyle, we hardly knew ya! Maybe it is just that you resemble Rachael Ray, but even though your job running the Clinton campaign was surely tortuous, you always seemed so sunny and approachable. Unlike your boss's husband, we really did have a soft spot for you. But while you were masterminding such lighthearted and humanizing moments as that prank whereby Hillary pretended she was a flight attendant on her very own jet, Hill Force One was burning precarious amounts of campaign cash on its way to crash landings in Nebraska, Maine and Washington State. For the record, Megan and I think it was stupid to fire you on the eve of the eve of the three big Beltway caucuses. But if it means you'll be freed up to go on the talk show circuit and bump that annoying Terry McAuliffe from his designated position as the go-to Hillary mouthpiece, well, at least there is that. In other news Obama won a bunch of states, Bush wants to execute a bunch of Guantanamo detainees and John Edwards, like Natalie Imbruglia, is torn... More »

Fergie's Bodily Functions Strike Again

Jennifer — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 19:00:00 EDT

Poor Fergie reportedly barfed all over herself while at the Minnesota State Fair. Maybe it was all the fried food on a stick? [Dlisted]