Jezebel Groupthink Forum

I'm putting this in the reply for sad elder abuse components, but it's largely getting-it-off-my-chest bitching. You've been warned. #Groupthink

@Triphena: My boyfriend's sister announced at a party the other night that a friend of hers, who I and the rest of the people there do not know, is abusing the elderly woman she cares for, up to and including giving her sleeping pills to knock her out and punching her in the face. She said she didn't know what to do, and I and a mutual friend both said she needed to call this other person's employer and tell them what was going on right away, and if she didn't feel they were listening to her, to call the state licensing board and tell them. She hemmed and hawed a bit, and then said she was concerned for her friend and wanted her to get help for her anger problem. I said that the old lady is the one who needs help first, and she got all defensive (as she does about everything) and said, "Yeah, well, I already talked to her." As though this is a solution? Boyfriend's Sister can barely manage her own life, she's absolutely not qualified to 'fix' someone who's so screwed up they're hitting old women.

Argh, this girl. So know I'm all concerned about some anonymous old lady, and my constant simmering frustration with B.S. is fully boiling. I just don't understand how you can remain friends with someone when they're that terrible of a person, or why you want to share something upsetting in the middle of a birthday party, and then not actually want to hear anything about it. Her brain is a mystery to me. And, I suspect, to her as well most of the time. Arrrrggghh.

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@Triphena: Duuuuuude. The first call should be to 911, man. Let's not mince words: That's not elderly abuse. That is assault.

Is there any way you can get back in contact with 'friend' and get her to take appropriate steps? Concur, I do not understand people's brains sometimes.

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promoted by Triphena

@Triphena: It's kind of a shitty thing but if you know for sure that she's abusing this elderly woman you could call this girl's friend's work place and make an anonymous complaint about her.

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@Triphena: Oh my God, that is horrible. Even if you don't know who the person is, it might help for you to call the elder abuse reporting line in your state. They may be able to advise you in the event that there is anything you can do.

[www.ncea.aoa.gov]

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@Triphena: What do you do for work? You may be a mandated reporter, and by law, you would be required to report this abuse, or face prosecution yourself. Mandated reporters include anyone who works in the healthcare industry, human services industry, education, and/or nonprofit agencies.
You need to call the NCEA and make an anonymous report. How would you feel if this were your grandmother? I feel sick to my stomach just reading your post. Elder abuse is grotesque.
Please find your state's reporting guidelines here:

[www.ncea.aoa.gov]
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promoted by loveyh1

@Triphena: Is there any way you can anonymously report this friend of hers to her employers or something? Because that's seriously messed up!

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@funchefchick: @ everyone:

I'm going to speak to her tomorrow and ask her what she did, and then really press the issue if she hasn't called. I'd report the person myself, and have been doing some FB sleuthing, but I don't know who the person is- she has a lot of weird friends from other cities (I believe Judge Judy would refer to them as "marginal people"). It's just insane to me. Doubly so because this is the same company that provided elder care for her grandmother. Like, DUDE. How does this not strike too close to home for you? What is so fucking special about this awful, trashbag random friend that you don't want to turn her in ASAP? I just don't get it.

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@Triphena: Ask your boyfriend how he'd feel if it were his grandmother. Maybe that will expedite things.

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@Triphena: I am jumping in here with everybody else. You have GOT to report this. You have to. That woman has no one to protect her. This is making me sick just thinking about it. It was your bf's sister's problem, but now it's the problem of everyone she told. Do you know anything about this friend -- where she works, her name? If so, anonymously report her.

If bf's sis is being an idiot, the thing is, she's not helping her friend by keeping quiet. That woman could end up dead and her friend could end up being implicated, if she wants to think of it that way because an elderly woman being beaten isn't enough.

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@HarpMadness: I don't know who it is or I would in a heartbeat.

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@Triphena: Crap. I can't even imagine how frustrated you must be. Can your boyfriend talk to his sister privately about this? I mean, I can almost see how if a bunch of people were trying to talk to her about it, she might get a little defensive, but she must know it's wrong. Maybe she could be worked on one-on-one to report her friend.

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Edited by HarpMadness at 01/10/11 8:44 PM

@Triphena: You don't have to necessarily identify the abuser, just the abused. The NCEA will do the rest of the investigating. You really need to make a phone call. Please don't wait.

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