GUH. What is wrong with me? I'm prone to depression and anxiety but I keep trying to get out of it and it keeps sucking me back in. I moved to a new city, got a job in a field I want to pursue and tried to be social. But now I'm in a job I HATE and feel trapped in a ho-hum relationship. I still hate myself sometimes, which makes it hard when I'm TRYING to fake it til I make it, confidence-wise. I feel like I'm going through all the motions (financially independent! solid job! boyfriend! etc.) but I'm still just as depressed as I've ever been.
(I'm on medication and am too poor to see a therapist at the moment, though that didn't help that much.)
I feel like I'm destined to be unhappy, awkward and distant. I can't even talk to my boyfriend because I just feel so awkward. Even around my closest friends, I feel distant and awkward, like they're constantly reconsidering our friendship (I'm projecting my anxieties; all my friends are very nice and do not do anything to make me think this is true.) It's like I put up this barrier because I'm so insecure and anxious, and people pick up on that but instead think I don't really want to be close with them, when I DO! I'm just weird and cold! My parents were the same! I DO want to be besties! etc., etc.
Sorry, I know this isn't worded very well but I've been drankin.
@warhol's gnarwol: Yes, you're right: I think the anxiety over the perception that you're "awkward" makes it so, sometimes. So just embrace it! Wallow in it, accept the feelings as they flow through. That way, you're staying in the moment and warding off the bad energy that comes from judging yourself and other nasty self-talk.
@angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip: I can't offer any professional advice, but I can tell you that I like you very much and I hope that you feel better soon.
I to understand what you mean about feeling awkward all the time. It sucks I always assume no one wants to be my friend, when in truth my friends are probably pretty nice.
@angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip: You know what I think? I think you need a vacation. I think you need a major week-long distraction from everything so you can get back to a place where you remember what happy feels like.
In the meantime: Get out of the house. Go be around people. Even if you're just walking around downtown and you've got your headphones on and not going anywhere in particular. Crowds for me are a great mood-reviver.
@angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip: I know how you feel, every time something good happens some thing really bad happens. I am just now realizing my stupid behavior and trying to correct it, which makes me even more depressed. It's a vicious circle that at a low point at the moment. Which sucks because I just got a card magic kit and I'm sad/depressed to open it. #groupthink(Edit comment)
GUH. What is wrong with me? I'm prone to depression and anxiety but I keep trying to get out of it and it keeps sucking me back in. I moved to a new city, got a job in a field I want to pursue and tried to be social. But now I'm in a job I HATE and feel trapped in a ho-hum relationship. I still hate myself sometimes, which makes it hard when I'm TRYING to fake it til I make it, confidence-wise. I feel like I'm going through all the motions (financially independent! solid job! boyfriend! etc.) but I'm still just as depressed as I've ever been.
(I'm on medication and am too poor to see a therapist at the moment, though that didn't help that much.)
I feel like I'm destined to be unhappy, awkward and distant. I can't even talk to my boyfriend because I just feel so awkward. Even around my closest friends, I feel distant and awkward, like they're constantly reconsidering our friendship (I'm projecting my anxieties; all my friends are very nice and do not do anything to make me think this is true.) It's like I put up this barrier because I'm so insecure and anxious, and people pick up on that but instead think I don't really want to be close with them, when I DO! I'm just weird and cold! My parents were the same! I DO want to be besties! etc., etc.
Sorry, I know this isn't worded very well but I've been drankin.
#groupthink
(Edit comment)@warhol's gnarwol: Yes, you're right: I think the anxiety over the perception that you're "awkward" makes it so, sometimes. So just embrace it! Wallow in it, accept the feelings as they flow through. That way, you're staying in the moment and warding off the bad energy that comes from judging yourself and other nasty self-talk.
#groupthink
(Edit comment)@angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip: I can't offer any professional advice, but I can tell you that I like you very much and I hope that you feel better soon.
#groupthink
(Edit comment)@angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip: I am sure part of the awkwardness and downness you feel is drinking alone.
I to understand what you mean about feeling awkward all the time. It sucks I always assume no one wants to be my friend, when in truth my friends are probably pretty nice.
#groupthink
(Edit comment)@angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip: You know what I think? I think you need a vacation. I think you need a major week-long distraction from everything so you can get back to a place where you remember what happy feels like.
In the meantime: Get out of the house. Go be around people. Even if you're just walking around downtown and you've got your headphones on and not going anywhere in particular. Crowds for me are a great mood-reviver.
#groupthink
(Edit comment)It's a vicious circle that at a low point at the moment. Which sucks because I just got a card magic kit and I'm sad/depressed to open it.
#groupthink (Edit comment)
User action
Thread action