Jezebel
Ann Coulter posted a curious "open letter to readers" on her website last night, proclaiming herself to be ending the "sick joke" that is her supposed conservatism. "Eleven years is a long time to be living a fake life," she writes, and goes on to apologize for that crap she said about the Jews that wasn't really that shocking at all. Is it all another "sick joke" played by the "web admins" she addresses at the end? I went through some old Ann Coulter clippings for clues. And turned up with this from her cover profile in TIME:
"They're terrible people, liberals. They believe—this can really summarize it all—these are people who believe," she said, now raising her voice, "you can deliver a baby entirely except for the head, puncture the skull, suck the brains out and pronounce that a constitutional right has just been exercised. That really says it all. You don't want such people to like you!"And I thought, "Yeah, that's performance art all right." (And also: "Thank god for RU-486.")
I've been participating in a charade for nearly eleven years, now. Quite frankly, I'm sick of it. You have all been a part of a sick joke that I began considering shortly after first getting on the air. At first, it was quite interesting to see how people would react when I would use twisted logic and poorly masked bigotry.
But eleven years is a long time to be living a fake life, and I can no longer tolerate this falsity. Even someone as fake as I tires out eventually.
Here's the truth, I don't care what people believe. Jews don't need to be "made perfect" as I so arrogantly proclaimed to Editor & Publisher not a half week ago. I don't even care if people are Muslim. Granted, I don't know much about the religion or the people, but they are people. This is something that we cannot forget, they are in an abhorrent situation. These people are in need of education. Perhaps if we did not participate in causing them misery, they would not hate us so.
In fact, does it really matter whether we are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, or even Pagan? We are one nation. One. We should not let petty differences separate us, we are all American, and should act in that manner.
And with that, my precious viewers, I bid you adieu. My career as a media figurehead is over.
Signed,
Ann Coulter
P.S. - Oh, and Bill O'Reilly is also just acting.
Haha, did it again. Oh, those silly web admins...they just embarrass themselves.
(Admins, check for an e-mail address in the CMS. Find it. I know you will.)
[UPDATE: You say this is a "hack," whereby I thought it was a "prank." Either way, fun times. I really can't spend any more time thinking about this really. I was going to, like, try and write my own letter here, but like, fuck it. There are fashion magazines to skewer, guys.]
An Open Letter To Readers [Ann Coulter]
Comments
I read this over three times, and came to the same conclusion each time: WTF? I wouldn't believe Anne Coulter if she said that ice was cold, water was wet, and the sun rises in the east.
@DangerousLiberal: Yeah, it does seem too good to be true. Not that I wouldn't be happy to live in a world free of Man Coulter's hate-filled bile, but since she JUST released a new book of her usual crap, this seems hard to believe.
But oh, I wish...!
Her legs in those tights? hose? whatever are terrifying. TERRIFYING. And I say this as a skinny bitch with chicken legs. Her legs are going to give me nightmares.
"Haha, did it again. Oh, those silly web admins...they just embarrass themselves.
(Admins, check for an e-mail address in the CMS. Find it. I know you will.)"
Oh, I get it. This is from someone who hacked her site? Maybe? Sooo confused..
i dont trust her one bit.
So is she still a Neo-con? Or was it all allegedly fake? And it still seems either too good to be true or another rat jumping off a sinking ship.
Seems like someone hacked her site.
i call shenanigans. no way that cunt wrote this. however, if she did, lolRepublikans.
It's hard to know what to think about this. Are we all victims of some kind of elaborate practical joke? Is Coulter really not a rabid conservative who thinks liberals are traitors? Her opinions and pretzel-like mental rationalizations have always been less than rational, but I've always chalked it up to true believer doublethink. How this develops should be interesting...or a hoax.
I think renouncing your past publicity stunts is the new publicity stunt. Douche', Ann, douche'!
Someone definitely hacked her site. Very well done though, as the hacked letter is about as illogical as Ms. Coulter's arguments.
He's not smart enough to have kept this up for 11 years.
Obvious hoax.
That or the aliens have landed and he's the first vicitm of their "truth-ray."
Can you get to the letter through the front of her site or just with that link?
And why is she wearing nylons with slingbacks? ick.
Definitely hacked. And the perspective on that Time cover only accentuates her bones masquerading as legs. Why?
If nothing else, this should make for an entertaining news week.
It doesn't really sound like her writing style. I'm voting for hacked site, but hoping that it wasn't. No more Coulter would be so nice
It's a nice thought, but she didn't write that.
So many emotions, so many questions. Yet my prevailing thought is still Fuck you, Coulter, you hag.
I don't care if she renounces everything and moves to the mountains to suckle ailing, orphaned wildcats at her own shriveled teats, she's put too much hate out there to pretend she's anything but a harpy.
@stacyinbean: Because she's a republican and apparently they expect you to sleep shower and fuck in nylons.
She realizes that her days of being hot -- even for a republican -- are almost over. It's a reverse Dennis Miller. Next stop, Surreal Life.
@BiscuitDoughJones: Agreed. This is just another attention getting stunt. Old habits die hard.
I always doodle images of malelavent tapeworms on the desk pad when I think of Ann. I suppose it's possible that like any good parasite she knows when it's time to let go?
Pffft...not bloody likely!
If she wrote that, she did it while drunk and coked up. Which is quite possible, BTW. But I'm still skeptical.
I always thought everything she said in the past was said purely for shock value and media attention. Now everyone's sort of bored and immune to it, what better way to shock than to -gasp- recount all of it?
As for her actual ethics, I'm willing to bet she doesn't really have any outside of herself.
Definitely hacked. No way is this real.
@leMaldeTete: Hear hear!
Also: @Serolf Divad: Why the alter ego, friend?
So basically she's saying that she was doing a Colbert before there was a Colbert and she wants to get a cookie or something. Like some twisted "Spook Behind the Door".
Whatever, bitch.
What you are is an attention whore. People are ignoring your idiocy and so you've decided to switch up your game to gain some relevancy again. So sad.
Andy Kaufman was so much better at this than you are.
Yeah definitely a hack. There is no way she would give up her stupid act now -- didn't she just write another book or something?
Also, I like how she suggests that D&X is like, going into labor and then randomly deciding before the head is out (clearly a breach birth, right?) to "suck the baby's brains out". Very accurate portrayal of a medical procedure.
As my grandma would say - what a bunch of malarkey.
Lame hack. Her real site's back up now.
She is way, way, too articulate to ever say "but they are people," or to "arrogantly proclaim" anything. BUMMER !!!!
This is like when some school kid writes a crappy, crazy story and it ends with "and then I woke up and it was all a dream". The story still sucks.
Isn't this what that book "Mother Night" is about?
Does it really make it okay to say hateful things, to encourage bigotry and cruelty, if you didn't really mean it?
That's like what a six-year-old says after he hits is little sister with his big plastic thermos. "I didn't mean it!"
If that were actually true, my head would have imploaded. Kudos to whoever thought of it though, even if it was obviously a fake.
@braak: I miss Vonnegut :(
If it were true, then she'd have kicked Stephen Colbert's ass. Which tells me it is not true, because no one can kick Stephen Colbert's ass.
(Then again, it's not really the same since he was never actually trying to fool anyone, but still.)
I was about to comment on how horrifying she looks with those ultra-long spindly white legs and that she was a fool to let anyone put that particular picture on the internet, but thankfully I just remembered that anorexic girls are fine as long as they have boyfriends. Phew, I almost made an idiot of myself!
This is such a sick, perverted joke. Think about all the poor slobs at RedState who's sex lives, whether alone or with others, strictly depend on a Coulter fantasy.
I proclaim her a sick cunt.
i hope the people who make fur coats took some down with them to hell because it must be freezing over right about now....
@Sassette: I'm w/ ya on the Colbert love. Love. LOVE.
@BiscuitDoughJones: Absolutely agree. If this is not a hacker having some obvious fun...then this is Ann, Ann who knows her way around publicity, around infotainment, better than any media creature evah. And, if that is the case, does this mean that I have to say Brava, Ann, Brava...you've done it again! You've turned your waning Republican popularity in for the mass adoration of the gay Democratic wing who find you "adorable".
Damn, she's good.
@BAngieB: Should we buy her a necklace proclaiming as much?
@stacyinbean: No, you can't -- I checked because I wondered that too! The hacked article was somehow dated ahead of anything that was accessible from the main page of her site. It's too bad the hacker couldn't replace the front page of anncoulter.com...now THAT would have been a good prank.
*yawn* Her shtick got old long ago.
barring this article, because it was so juicy, i've instituted a kristol/coulter/krauthammer/malkin moratorium. i came realize that those whiny, bratty losers need continued website hits to keep them in the media's eye, and i for one was certainly not going to inadvertently remunerate them for their malignant bs and help them sell more books. i'm happy to read right wing viewpoints, however, i'd like a little logic, reality and research in there too, not just whatever tourettes barbie can spew out today.
@Sassette: LOVE Colbert. He was on NPR's "Fresh Air" recently. If you didn't hear it, you should get on iTunes and download the podcast version.
@lfw1031: I'm thinking more like a forehead tattoo.
As a single career woman and a Republican, I wish this woman would just. go. away.
I don't believe it's her for one reason: she says Bill O'Reilly is just acting. You can see real and genuine hatred in that man's eyes every time he opens his piehole. Plus, I know people who once worked at Fox and say he is every bit the evil fuck off-camera as he is on-camera.
Why are we giving this biotch the time of day? Someone please shoot her.
@cocoesq: Own it, baby. She speaks for you.
As for the letter, since there's no way to link to it from her site, I'm guessing it's a prank. Not quite on the level of urging terrorists to blow up the New York Times, but funny nonetheless. Too bad, because I've heard this rumor for years.