Jezebel
You know how sometimes, a man will give his wife a nice piece of jewelry or whatevs when she gives birth to a baby, just to be like, "Hey, sweetie, I know you feel a million kinds of gross right now and can barely focus on something as inanimate and utterly pointless — not to mention earlobe-depleting! — as earrings, but like, maybe if we make it through the next few years okay you'll be able to put these on at night and think about the guy who, when you were in pain, gave you something sparkly and grinned sheepishly until you popped out his spawn"? Well now this thing is called a "push present," according to the New York Times, and boyyyyyy were Anna and Jessica and a half gazillion of you tipsters offended by passages like this:
Chris Beggini, a 43-year-old mutual fund manager in Radnor, Pa., didn't know about the practice until his wife, Jennifer, straightened him out. "We talked about how she had nine months of difficulty, and 'Aren't I the good soldier?' blah blah blah," he recalled. So when the Begginis begat Abigail in 1999, Ellie in 2002, and Julia last year, Mr. Beggini responded with earrings, a bracelet and what he jokingly calls a "suffer ring."
Said Anna:
I have a theory about these: that they emerged primarily in upper class milieus in which having a baby/gaining weight/etc. is considered some sort of SACRIFICE of one's precious shopping/socializing time and taut young body. Maybe I'm being unfair/judgmental/overly broad but in my mind, only a superficial, wealthy woman would think she should get DIAMONDS for having a goddamn baby. (I make this judgment probably because one of the women I know who got such presents is a millionaire Upper East Sider.) Women give birth every day ALL OVER THE WORLD in much worse conditions than those found in, say, Columbia Presbyterian, and honestly, if I had a baby and wanted a "gift" in return for having one — isn't a baby gift enough?? — I'd ask my husband to give some money to a mother(s) who actually NEEDED IT.Added Jessica:
One could argue a baby isn't a "gift" in the first place!! It's a GODDAMN LIFE!And concluded a tipster:
Rather than a natural occurrence, rich white woman consider having a baby a major inconvenience.Yeah, okay, but here's the thing: having a baby is a major inconvenience. Buying a ring is not. These are facts of life, as natural and time worn as the fact that nothing is fair, and once upon a time a ring could simply be a token that a husband was capable of stepping outside himself and seeing the situation for what it is: 10 months that he can drink, dress and go about his daily routine like normal while she's getting all gross and sweaty and shit, and yeah, aw, maybe i should get her something special. But no; now it's just another gross harbinger of end times brought to you by the luxury goods industry on the backs of African slave labor. Thanks, late capitalism!
A Bundle Of Joy Isn't Enough? [NY Times]
Related: Get Your Rocks Off [Philadelphia Weekly]
Comments
It also encourages people to become obsessively materialistic. Instead of jewelry, Beggini should have gotten his wife skydiving classes.
Every fistula begins with Kay? No?
Seems to me it's something like an attempt to ease a guy's conscience about the fact that he didn't go through the pain and sacrifice. Like, "You did all the hard work and suffering, but on the other hand, I did get you these pretty baubles, so we're even, right?" Which is just all kinds of wrong and stupid. But I seriously hope this doesn't turn into the kind of thing that's expected by either party.
"push" as in "pushing a tiny human out of your va-jay-jay"?
I know a girl that made her husband buy her a diamond ring for having his baby. She's a materialistic wench though.
I wouldn't expect Mr. K to give me jewelry after birthing some mini-me's, and I certainly wouldn't send him a fucking memo detailing the tiers of expense as they relate to each kid. But if he took it upon himself to pick out something he thought I would like I would accept it graciously as the gift of love and appreciation it was intended to be.
But it damn sure would NEVER be referred to as a 'push present'.
When I was a kid my mom had a charm bracelet, and for each one of us she pushed out, a charm was added. But it was like commemorative (she had others on there for other special occasions - bitch could've killed someone with that thing), not like a bounty or something. I thought that for those that reproduced, the journey was its own reward. Or so I'd heard.
@cupcakesofdeath: Yes. And damned if it's not the dumbest name for anything, ever.
I don't have babies. I've never had babies. I might not have babies. So, can I lobby for a "push present" when I'm hung-over, lying on the bathroom floor "pushing" last-night's alcohol intake out of my body?
Seriously, at this point, I think that's the only way I'm ever going to qualify for a "push present".
@BiscuitDoughJones: Ha!
If I ever have a baby, I want my "push present" to be his nine months of sobriety, non-smoking, healthy eating, exercising boredom with me, followed by several more months of diaper changing, sleep-lacking, crying baby rocking hell. Seriously, let's try to have something that measures up at least a little.
it reminds me of something bill maher said "only in this country, do women feel like they should get some prize for giving birth to children."
hey ladies who expect a gift for giving birth, adopt instead. this country's overpopulated as is.
I once got 200 dollars for an abortion.
I saw that this morning. The concept disgusts me, and the greed. I had a friend who was way into those gifts. Somehow I always thought it was something that Jewish women especially carry on about--? So it always mades me feel vaguely ashamed of my peeps. But perhaps it is more widespread.
i knew it was only a matter of time until y'all posted about this.
not to be macabre, but i'd love to know what men give to their wives who end up losing their babies? pregnancy, for all of it's wonderfulness, doesn't ensure that a birth will take place. i wonder how those mothers - and fathers - feel in those situations?
i think push gifts are sick and disgusting and if these superficial snotnosed women (and i think ALL of them are! how's THAT for a generalization?) are so damn worried about their bodies and their figure and all of that jazz, then DON'T GET PREGNANT. if it's such a fucking burden to give birth to your child because of what it will do to your body, then by all means tie up those tubes and adopt.
I'm pushing one out in a couple months, and I could really give a shit about getting jewelery for doing it. Now, him doing laundry and dishes and keeping the house clean for the next couple months? That's another story. He can call babysitting for a night so momma can go out and get her drink on my ring, ok by me.
@lfw1031: Seriously, why does alcohol have to do that? It's either one end or the other depending on what you drank.
I think my dad gave my mom gifts when she gave birth to us (4), but they were in the context of "thank you for bearing my children." She never asked for them, but my dad tends to show his love by buying shit. In a good way.
Isn't the fucking baby supposed to be a "gift"?
If some dude that knocked me up tried to give me a diamond bracelet for having "his" kid, I'd be so offended I'd barely be able to keep it and wear it while I was fucking some other guy.
Gives Blood Diamond a WHOLE new meaning!
@emily.jayne: Perfect!
@BiscuitDoughJones:
hahhahahahhahahahhahhah
@Hamsterpants: Heh. Well, some days it is, and some days it isn't. But I'm not a kid person. I'm kind of looking forward to the adult he'll someday become. Which is not to say it isn't sweet to kiss his little cheeks right now. But then he throws up in his crib in the night and I remember.
The jewelry reward for having a kid was freakishly common in my circle of acquaintances a few years ago, but I'd never heard of it before that. Truth be told, if my husband had offered something, I'd have been so shocked that he thought it up all by himself, or else was clued in by the women in his office, God bless them, that I'd have accepted without a second thought. But he didn't, and somehow we've survived. Besides, I always feel hideously guilty when he gives me jewelry. I love it, but I'm aware that I shouldn't want it.
@Hamsterpants: When my brother was born, my dad gave my mom a diamond, ruby (my birthstone) and emerald (my bro's birthstone) ring to wear with her wedding set. Not in a "Hey, baby, thank for squirting out a couple of kids" but in a commemorative "Yay! Now we have a family!" kind of way. It's the only piece of jewelry that he gave her that she still wears (they're divorced, the rest of the stuff ins MINE!).
Just like any other gift, it's the thought that counts.
@LessThanZero: see, that makes it sound like it's just a guy thinking he's being thoughtful and here we are being all bitchy about it. Damned if they do, damned if they don't I guess.
I think it's sick that this is a trend, but I think the idea is nice. I wouldn't expect or demand a present from my husband, but I'd like it. Now, I can see how if he just handed off some diamonds and expected that to compensate for a lack of support or childcare, that would be different.
Wow, rich people never cease to amaze me. What a bunch of shallow bitches. My idea of a good "push present" would be foot rubs for my swollen feet, late night runs to satisfy my food cravings and regular reminders of how beautiful I look carrying his child even though I actually look like a bloated, uncomfortable mess.
THANK YOU for saying it takes 10 months to gestate a human being. This is one of my big pet peeves that is strangely difficult to avoid being bombarded with day after day. 40 weeks does not nine months make, people!
It's a nice gesture, albeit obnoxious to call it a "trend", or to in fact be a trend - but is the woman a fucking whore who needs a diamond every time her body is taxed in some way? In my household, we have the same amount of money whether I push a kid out or not. It's not like he's an ATM machine and I'm doing something special so I should get a reward. We have the same bills to pay together nomatter what I do with my body, so a small gesture is nice but if there's no money for a diamond it's not like it's going to materialize because I had an infant. Quite the opposite in fact.
It's a stupid name for a birthin' present but I can appreciate the sentiment. Barring an explicit demand from the mother I think it can be a great way for the dad to say that he understands how easy he had it and he appreciates what she's gone through.
Ok, I'll speak from experience here. The year my son was born, our anniversary was the end of January and the kid was due middle of March. I got diamond studs the day of our anniversary. My husband said they were a gift for marrying him, and for taking care of our son while I was carrying him. We're not a rich white couple, but we do ok. Am I missing something here? Hell yes it sucked forgoing my beer & margaritas for 9 months. Hell yes it hurt going through labor. Hell yes that was a nice gesture on the part of my husband. Why in the world does it have to be called a push present?? That's dumb. How about "Hey, I tried to find something that would make you smile. Lord knows, if it were me trying to deliver this child naturally, I would puss out immediately. I love you, She-ra."
It's the expectation, no the gift, that's so violently heinous. I myself enjoy gifts of jewelry more than any other because it's a great way to think about a person/event through an item you can always take with you. So I would think "Yeah, one's partner COULD get them a piece of jewelry to celebrate the occasion" but it's CERTAINLY not a requirement and CERTAINLY doesn't have to cost more than the hospital bills! I feel the same way about engagement rings.
@BiscuitDoughJones: With that comments, you are now the queen of Thursday.
@ConnPossible:
: : chuckling inappropriately : :
Aw, come on...skydiving lessons...that was funny...
Sorry. Having a rough day.
is this brought to us by the same people that invented that stupid "right hand ring" fad a couple of years ago? gee, you'd think they were inventing reasons to sell us more jewelry.
"Push present" sounds so gross. Who wants to think about the push part? What ever happened to just giving gifts because you love each other, want to celebrate, etc.?
Great article. I never even considered the whole "jewelry in exchange for sacrificing my body" POV. Being pregnant, having a baby isn't 'sacrificing my body for 9 months to give YOU the infant you want', it's more of a joint venture- hopefully both people want it, instead of having to strike up a quid pro quo deal of my body for your baby.
@DonchaBongo: I don't understand this phenomenon. My mother got pregnant with my lil' bro when I was 11 and one of the first things she told me was that gestation is 40 weeks, more close to 10 months, than 9. I thought she was lying until I looked it up in the encyclopedia at school the next day. Why does no one speak of this?
Ok I've got two push presents (and Kids!!!!) but I have never heard them referred to this way. My mother got them too. I never really thought out the implications all that much, so this is a great discussion.
Can the NYT please stop covering stupid rich people trends? All it does is make us hate the upper class even more.
@ConnPossible: Is there a coupon for such a thing? If so, can I apply for back-payment??
@teapartys_over: Actually, wouldn't your household have LESS money if you pushed out a wee one? I'm just sayin...seems to me that at the beginning of 18 years (plus college?) of child rearing, would actually be a good time to hold onto one's cash ;)
Seems like mom should get a huge-assed diamond once the kid has left the nest - as if to say, "Holy fuck, lady, I don't know how you did it but...our kid made it thru 18 years! Congrats! Here's a ring!"
I will gladly accept diamonds for anything I do on any given day. I'll take other precious and semi-precious stones as well.
Lord knows I've recived my fair share of pearl necklaces from him...ya know...just because he loves me...HA!
@emily.jayne: I asked my bf if he would go sober and not go on vacations without me for the 9 months + 6months to a year of breastfeeding and he looked at me like I was joking. I wasn't. If I can't have fun then he can't either. Thankfully children are still a few years off for us and I am hoping he can commit to doing it then.
@lfw1031: Hmmm, now that I think of it, it could be an advance bribe for not killing the husband over all this...ala "You did this to me!!!" or my favorite, "YOUR son did....."
oh GOD, my totally obnoxious stepmother is trying to start this "tradition" in our family. "Every woman who gives birth gets pearls!" I think it's totally offensive. Gimme some cash for NOT getting knocked up, you crazy wench. I'm more than my uterus, thanks. I'm not a fucking Womb with A View.
My husband has been lovingly stocking our fridge with various and sundry local brews from around the Midwest for a few months now. Those are the only gifts I need.
I cannot wait to tear into those bitches.
I also really like the part in the article where the husband is recalling what his wife says as,"blah blah blah." Very telling, I say.
@99centbar: Good luck with that.
@emily.jayne: hear hear!
@katastic: "I'm not a fucking Womb with A View." Someone buy this woman a drink.
Meh. I would never expect a gift for giving birth, but I figure, if I did get something, it would be as a commemoration of the event. Not compensation or something. Just something to commemorate a milestone.
What's funny is that they're actually called "push presents," as if the class of woman they're marketing to is actually base enough to give birth through her vagina.
More like, "Vaguely medically excused C-section that is actually just an excuse to not stretch out your precious vaj" present.
@99centbar: Okay not to sound rude but I think saying "If I can't have fun, neither can you" is super selfish. If and when I get pregnant I will not expect my husband to give up drinking or other things that I have to give up. Why would I? It will be partly my decision to get pregnant, I know what it entails, and I'm a big girl and can handle seeing somebody else drink a beer while I drink water.
I wonder what the materialistic wenches get for a c-section. You know, since no pushing.