• Taylor Swift received eight Grammy nominations. "I started freaking out and jumping up and down," she claims. On winning one, she says:

"The thought of that absolutely is something that you daydream about." Taylor, Imma let you finish, but Beyoncé has TEN Grammy noms. [AP, People]

• Details on the Grammy noms at this link. [NY Post]
• Taylor Swift has also inked a video-on-demand deal with Comcast. [Reuters]
• Rachel Uchitel, the first woman accused of having an affair with Tiger Woods — and who denied that she had one — is MAYBE ready to admit that she did hook up with the golfer; her attorney, Gloria Allred, has set up a press conference, which will take place today. [Radar Online]
• Here's the deal: Rachel Uchitel supposedly lied when denying an affair with Tiger Woods to protect him. And she was the one — not Jaimee Grubbs — whose texts caused an argument between Tiger and his wife. [TMZ]
• File this under shit you never wanted to know: Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, Jaimee Grubbs, "has a history of chasing famous sports professionals, tried to get into Playboy and made a sex tape." [Radar Online]
• By the by: Tiger Woods offered Jaimee Grubbs a job: he offered her a condo or apartment, and he said she could stay there for free and "sort of manage the property." [Radar Online]
• Kalika Moquin, alleged mistress #3, had no idea who Tiger Woods was when she first met him, according to sources. When she found out he was a millionaire golfer, she started hooking up with him. [TMZ]
• Ugh: Cheater-oriented website Ashley Madison wants Tiger to do ads and promotion for them. And porn company Vivid Entertainment is offering $1 million to any woman who has proof she was Tiger's lover and signs a contract with them. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods' sponsors are standing by him, and, since he makes $110 million a year in endorsements, that's a big deal. [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods and his wife and in "intense marriage counseling." And Elin Nordegren has demanded "a total rewrite on the couple's prenuptial agreement." [Us Weekly]
• More on the Tiger Woods prenup renegotiation here. [The Daily Beast]
• Someone at a Las Vegas club spilled a drink on Orlando Bloom's shirt, so, naturally, one of his friends called the John Varvatos store and within 30 minutes, someone arrived with three brand new shirts. Right there in a packed 200-capacity dining room, Orlando took off the soiled shirt and put on a new one. Girlfriend Miranda Kerr was one of those admiring the view. [Page Six]
• Chris Brown's interview with ABC News' Robin Roberts will air on 20/20 Friday night; in this promo, Chris says: "I never ever had problems with anger. No, no domestic violence with any of my past girlfriends. I never was that kind of person. ... I look at it, and it's really, like really difficult. It's like, 'How could I be that person?'" [ABC News]
• Oprah will have a "significant presence" on OWN, her cable network launching in 2011, but she won't be doing a cable version of her talk show. [NY Post]
• George Clooney's girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis is on the cover of German FHM wearing… very little. Also, the mag calls her "Fraulein Clooney." [NY Daily News]
• Will George Stephanopoulos replace Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America? [NY Post]
• Colin Firth stars in A Single Man, a film written and director by fashion guru Tom Ford. Colin says: "He told me I looked good, but I'd look better if I had a personal trainer." Tom corrects: "I told him he was fat." [NY Times]
• Oh, great. "Despite falling ratings, MTV's The Hills will return for a sixth season." You know why? Because MTV has NOTHING else. [Variety]
• People who squabble on The Hills do shots together when the cameras are not rolling. [Page Six]
• ABC has canceled Adam Lambert performances AGAIN — this time on Jimmy Kimmel Live and New Year's Rockin' Eve. Glambert Tweeted: "Yes, sadly friends, ABC has canceled my appearances on Kimmel and NYE. :( don't blame them. It's the FCC heat ... I AM doing Leno though. And lookin into something for NYE ... It'll all blow over. Let's focus on being positive! :)" [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Whee: Ricky Gervais will host the 2010 Golden Globes. [Variety]
• Michael Lohan, ever the underminer, predicts that Jon Gosselin will lose TLC's breach of contract lawsuit against him. [MSNBC]
• In this piece, people have amusing things to say about Viggo Mortensen. The Road director John Hillcoat says: "He's a passionate guy." Director Peter Jackson says: "I just didn't know how gung-ho he'd be for everything… [If a scene called for Mortensen to climb a mountain], he'd be the guy who slept outside in a sleeping bag to get a start on the day." Fran Walsh, Jackson's partner and Lord of the Rings co-writer, says: "He's almost like a hippie. We picked him up at the airport one time, and he wasn't wearing shoes. I still have no idea how he got through the airport barefoot." Viggo himself says: "I know it sounds clichéd, but I didn't want to do anything for fame. I just love the arts." [USA Today]
• Sometimes Page Six is like a celebrity message board; today the bulletin is for Alec Baldwin's former girlfriend, Nicole Seidel: He still loves you and would do anything to get you back. [Page Six]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Tom Brady knows the sex of the fetus Gisele is carrying, even though Gisele does not. He says: "It's a pretty good feeling knowing something that no one else knows." [People]
• Ashlee Simpson has already succeeded in pissing off the cast of Chicago, and she just made her debut on Monday night. [Gatecrasher]
• Page Six claims Candice Bergen and Anna Paquin "just missed each other" at a hotel in Long Island; obviously no one at the column saw this picture from the set of The Romantics. [Page Six]
• Rosie Perez effed up her job presenting awards at the Gotham Independent Film Awards on Monday night. [Gatecrasher]
• Mother-daughter bonding! Candy and Tori Spelling have been mending their relationship! Candy says: "I'm looking forward to a lot of wonderful things. We have taken this private, which is what I've always wanted and I think so did Tori, and I'm really thrilled." [E!]
• Fresh-out-of-the-closet Meredith Baxter is writing a book about her life and shopping the story. [Page Six]
• Steven Keaton supports Elyse Keaton's decision to come out. [People]
• Yasmin LeBon critiques Simon LeBon's gigs with Duran Duran: "I give him a debrief after the show – the lights, the sound. I just can't help it." [Daily Mail]
• Hulk Hogan is engaged to girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel. [NY Daily News]
• "I was supposed to be his assistant as well as work with him on a book and other endorsements such as a motorcycle line and a kids clothing line, and kids' stackable furniture. His contract with TLC never came up. It didn't seem to concern him." — Kate Major, in a deposition in TLC's lawsuit against Jon Gosselin. [Radar Online]
• "I'm trying to find roles that demand more adulthood from me because you can get stuck in a very awful cute cycle as a woman in film - especially being such a small person. I'm a really late bloomer. In my own life, it's only been the last couple of years where I'm like, I'm an adult. I'm not totally an adult but…" — Natalie Portman. [USA Today]
• "I feel like a human being again. There was one point in time where I felt like...[Sighs.] I don't know-I felt like plastic. I think I looked plastic. My face, fat plastic. [Laughs.] I was eating, but the Vicodin made me hungry because it eats up your stomach lining, so you want to fill your stomach back up, but then it stops you up so you can't shit, you just-That's why I was gaining so much weight, I was just so fucking bloated. It's a trip when people take sobriety for granted. Feeling trapped in my addiction and then getting sober-you appreciate it so much more, because I didn't know if I would ever know what it's like to feel normal again, ever." — Eminem, who has been sober for 19 months, talks about drugs, music, Dr. Dre and much much more in an extensive interview. [Complex]
• "When you read things about Michael Jackson it's hard to decipher what the fuck is true, but there's the story of how he woke up at whatever time and he needed something to go back to sleep because he had this or that and it didn't work. That's exactly what used to happen to me: I would take a couple of pills and I would be up an hour later and I'd want more. Then I'd take more and that would be enough to maybe get me back to sleep for two more hours. Then I'd be wide awake again. So I definitely can relate, and it's a shame if he didn't have anybody there to just say, 'Michael, you're an addict, you need help.' It's one of the pitfalls of fame. I could just say, 'Yo, I need this and this and this,' and they're going to give me whatever I want…" — Eminem. [Complex]
• "I overdid everything. I was hung over for two years. If I didn't drink, I didn't do anything. It was bad. [My new album] is not all about getting sober. The problem is, I did all the drinking for my whole life in a two-year span. I wish I had spaced it out. Drinking is great. It makes you happy. But the next day, it makes everything feel as twice as bad as it was before. So what's the point? It's delicious but poisonous." — Julian Casablancas. [CNN]
• "[Being armed and dangerous] turns me on in a way I that I shouldn't be saying. It's boring to always play the victim or the compliant little woman. Eff that! Why don't you have my baby and wait at home while I go kill some mother[bleepers]? It's just very empowering." — Zoe Saldana. [Page Six]
• "[After 30 Rock, I would like to manage a Laytner's Linen on the upper West Side. Every time I'm in there, I wish I worked there — free towels." — Tina Fey. [Gatecrasher via Entertainment Weekly]

Jayde unsubtly uses an engagement party as an appropriate place to pester Brody about where their relationship is going, and Brody maturely explains that it's not the right place. And then later he makes plans to dump her. What's with these young girls wanting to get married like there's a stipulation in their trust funds that requires marriage for them to get the money or something?


Spencer confronts Heidi (who was apparently waiting in the foyer for him to call her name?) about the pregnancy test he found. He actually sounds reasonable at the end of the talk, but then you remember that earlier in this episode he passive-aggressively hounded Heidi about this in front of a small child.


Aww, Justin (Bobby) has to pretend to like Kristin here. For the script!


Justin (Bobby) and Kristin enter into a mature, loving, communicative, all-the-way relationship...or whatever. Let's hope next season she cheats first.

Obviously, Heidi is not pregnant, and this is all just contrived drama for the show. Still, it's kinda fun thinking about the possibility of a Pratt brat with an Oedipus complex.

In other news, Kristin went to Vegas with Stacie-The-Bartender to get away from the guys in L.A. However, she discovered that douchiness is not specific to any one city, and was not impressed with the guys she met on her trip.


So she called JustinBobby, and he drove down to Vegas to take a shower.


JustinBobby made a very astute observation when he said, "Everything happens for a reason." (He means that everything happens because the producers tell them what they should do, right?) He, Kristin, and Stacie-The-Bartender all went to a strip club, where Kristin and STB made out.


The next morning, Kristin and JustinBobby discussed the events at the strip club, however, most of it was censored out, and it's incredibly difficult to infer what transpired. From what I can deduce, one of two things happened: A stripper took a shit on Kristin or a stripper went down on Kristin.

Clearly, the most contrived storyline is Heidi and Spencer's: it's like an art form of its own at this point, in which the creation of "problems" in their marriage seems to uncover actual problems. For instance: Heidi's baby fever (in the previous clip) is obviously a gimmick, but you can see her getting confused about the blurred lines of reality.

Then there's Jayde Nicole. She's become a celebrity in her own right, making it into gossip columns for her temper and her physical and legal fight with Joe Francis. Last week, she slapped Kristin, which given Jayde's history (and the fact that the cameras catching the drama were hand-held and not set up on a tripod), suggests that the event was from the heart, and not from the minds of producers. This meet-up with Kristin however, was strictly orchestrated. Judge Judy would not approve of going to talk to someone who assaulted you about how you hate them.


I find Jayde to be the best possible addition to this show, as she appears to be a bit unhinged, making her a perfect candidate for reality television. Maybe The Hills will stop being so boring. But who am I kidding? I'd still watch it, even if the entire 30 minutes was spent on JustinBobby picking his toes.

Of course, the doctor's appointment was really just a (fake) consultation, and Spencer didn't go through with it. What's the deal with his mustachioed friend Charlie? Why has he been cast in the Fred Mertz role?


Brody's girlfriend Jayde solidified her rep as a belligerent, violent shit-stirrer by rounding up her posse and getting in Kristin's face.


And now for fashion and chivalry with JustinBobby.


Are charm bracelets and Members Only jackets without shirts the new black?

Remember her? She was friends with Lauren in high school, and then, after Lauren gave her a diamond bracelet for her birthday, she boinked Brody, even though Lauren was sorta kinda dating him. That dramz was the first conflict that Lauren had with Spencer, since he set Jen and Brody up. So Jen was a catalyst in the whole Lauren/Spencer war. Well, not really a catalyst, since she actually changed a lot with the help of a colorist and plastic surgeon.


I have to say that the puppies that Spencer bought Heidi for her birthday are incredibly cute.


I love Lo's response to Audrina's bullshit drama.


I also love that JustinBobby claims to be super into Kristin, yet he thinks her name is Kirsten.

Stephanie's approach to the intervention was interesting...


...and not at all successful. I love how she says "don't bullshit a bullshitter," because that's what Anna Nicole said to her cousin Shelly in the Christmas special episode of her reality show.


Jayde and Brody are working hard for their own story line. BTW, in case you didn't know, "yelling" = "angrily talking."


Is that Joe Francis in the scene? I guess they were friends before all the assault charges and lawsuits.

BTW, Tom Green doesn't warrant an identifying caption on MTV anymore? The least they could've done was put something Hills-y there like, "Tom, Brent's Friend."


At the intervention, Holly ordered herself a giant margarita on the rocks. Can you blame her? Besides, I still think that Spencer was the most embarrassing person at that party, considering his hat. However, I do think he's being incredibly nice and understanding here, and actually is making some sense.


Next week on The Hills, Jayde reveals her Canadian roots.

Spencer kept up his Mr. Wilson subplot with Enzo the Menace.


Check out JustinBobby's ink. It's like "Thug Life" for soccer fans.


BTW, Brody was turning 26, not 6.


I liked his balloons though.

Last week, when Heidi Montag guest co-hosted The View, she discussed her desire to have children and Spencer's desire to remain childless. Little Enzo is supposed to provide some kind of comic relief in the situation, but it kind of just comes off as one of those desperate casting decisions to boost ratings by adding a young kid (e.g. Olivia on The Cosby Show, Oliver on The Brady Bunch, and Chrissy Seaver (who aged six years in between seasons) of Growing Pains).


Spencer's sister Stephanie had the most intelligent statement of the entire series so far when she advised Heidi to not try to fix problems in her marriage by bringing a baby into it.

In the clip above, Roxy sits down for an interview with Kelly Cutrone for a position at Peoples Revolution. Although Whitney landed her the interview, Roxy comically talks shit on Whitney ("She like wears yellow"), whom she's known since the seventh grade. During the interview, Roxy also claims to have worked for Rachel Zoe for "a little bit," which Rachel denies, Tweeting, ""she never worked for me..lying is so not chic."

In fact, a lot of Tweeting has been going on about Roxy by the faux-reality set. Just yesterday, Stephanie Pratt went on a Twitter tirade about her, unable to limit her views to 140 characters, saying, "She was [my best friend] since 7th grade until she stabbed me in the back for her chance at fame. I tried to bring her on the hills with me but she wanted to be a 'star' so she went behind my back and made arrangements 2 b whits bff."

Roxy was actually the sidekick for Stephanie's very first appearance on The Hills, when the two girls confronted Lauren Conrad in a club to yell at her for being "mean" to Heidi.

Stephanie's assertion about Roxy wanting to be a "star" seem to be true, at least according to this E! News story from two years ago. After Roxy's one appearance on The Hills, her mother actually spoke to the media, who actually bothered to report on it, saying, "Roxy will only appear in one episode of The Hills even though they wanted her to do another one. [She] appeared as a favor. I'm pretty sure she's not going to do any more. They kind of pigeonhole you into stuff there."

The City's Roxy Olin Caught In A Lie [Radar]
The Hills Drama Just Keeps Getting Better [E!]

OK, so in the first scene, Audrina, Lo and Stephanie are talking about how they're going to go to Heidi and Spencer's "welcome back" party. Steph obviously has her new nose here.


See?


However, at the party, she has her old nose.


In her next scene, she's talking to Audrina about the events of the party, and she has her new nose again.


But then at Frankie's birthday party, her old nose returns.


BTW, how old was Frankie turning? 48?


After Frankie's party, Stephanie's new nose again, on the scene.


But only time will tell if it will stay.

Both in the trailer for the upcoming season of The Hills (which premieres September 29) and additional advertising spots, Kristin has been billed as "the bitch," literally, in this marquee style ad:

For her part, Kristin says she believes that people use the term refer to women who speak their minds, so she doesn't mind it all that much.

The description for the Brushstroke Sheath Dress, "side pockets lend a chic vibe." If batteries are included with the vibe, then it might actually be worth the $50.


This piece is called The Boyfriend Blazer. If your boyfriend is wearing "princess seams that flatter your figure," then you should reevaluate your relationship. $60


What would a celebrity clothing line be without leggings? $20


According to the Kohl's site, this Seamless Camisole has "details [that] offer flawless fashion." $20


Maternity wear? $30


This is supposed to add a "timeless touch to your wardrobe." I guess if you consider that you can wear it for the rest of your life as your torso expands, it kind of is. $34


Oof. $34


Yikes. $34


It keeps getting worse. $34


Nanas can stuff crumpled tissues up this cardigan's sleeves. $44


Boyfriend Jeans. $54


Mom jeans. $54


"Floral watercolor pattern provides artistic appeal." $60


This piece of shit is $40.

If You Answered Mostly A's: You Are The Party Girl
You are the mess of the series: you're always drunk, and when you're not drunk, you're crying on the phone to the boyfriend you are currently cheating on on national television, all while acting like he's not going to find out. You like to dance, drink, and party, but when the fun is over, you typically collapse into a ball of low self-esteem. You're a tragic character, as you will ride your wave of notoriety to many bar openings and Girls Gone Wild hosting gigs across the nation. Eventually, you'll either go through a very public rehabilitation phase or you'll sign up to win Bret Michaels' heart on Rock of Love 87: Roses And Thorns.

If You Answered Mostly B's: You Are The Bitch
Somewhere along the way, you realized that being the villain was more interesting than being the hero, so here you are, the biggest bitch in town. You're the kind of person who lives to make other people feel small and stupid; you don't always come right out and insult them, but you have a manipulative way of making people feel as though they'd better get on your good side, or else. The bonus? The audience loves you. Or they love to hate you. Either way, you're one of the most popular—or at least one of the most notorious—characters on the show.


If You Answered Mostly Cs: You're The Airhead
You're the Kelly Kapowski of the show: you're very pretty, and you're usually very nice, and you mean well, but you are often edited to appear to be as dumb as a box of rocks. This is not to say that you are dumb, but the editing room certainly makes it seem that way. You're often shown gazing at the ceiling for no reason whatsoever, and you start most of your conversations with "Um," or "What?" as if you've just been snapped out of a daze. Your plotlines are always boring and forced, and nobody really cares what happens to you on the show unless the Party Girl or the Bitch swoops in to add some excitement here or there. It doesn't really matter, though, because you're beautiful and famous and rich, and everything will work out just fine.


If You Answered Mostly Ds: You Are An Ear Of Corn
You are an ear of corn. How did you even take this quiz? You're pretty damn special! Someone should get you a reality show of your own! We could call it, "It's Amaizing!" Get it? Where are you going? Oh, you're too good for this now? Fine. You know what? You're the bitch, ear of corn. Yeah, I heard what you just said. Whatever! Whatever!


If You Answered Mostly Es: You Are The Famewhore
This little reality show gig is just a stop on the express train to super stardom, bro. You can't help it if everyone wants to see how you live your awesome life! You're so famous that eventually the show will revolve around how famous you are, and everyone will be talking about the greatness that is you. Your face will be everywhere, and people around the world will wonder how they ever lived without you. You know that when your 15 minutes will be up, nobody will care anymore. But you're determined to stretch that 15 minutes for as long as you can, and you will be as obnoxious as possible to keep your fame alive, even if it means turning the entire world against you. All publicity is good publicity, right?


If You Answered Mostly Fs: You Are The Voice Of Reason
Often enough, you supply the only "reality" on the show. You call you friends out on their bs, and stay out of the fights when things get too intense. You love your friends and your family and you try to keep a low profile. Unfortunately, you are too boring for reality television, and eventually you will either fade away or be forced to start taking on the qualities of The Bitch or The Party Girl in order to keep up with your friends (and their paychecks). You have to ask yourself: which reality do I prefer? If it's television, get ready to sacrifice a bit of yourself in order to play, well, yourself.

Thanks for taking our quiz! It's always nice when people stop being polite and start getting real.

Earlier: Which Reality Show Stereotype Are You?

• Question 1: What's Your Idea Of The Perfect First Date?
• a. You, baby! Let's get it started! Is my boyfriend Devin going to see this, though? Devin! I love you! This means nothing, I swear! NOTHING!
• b. Anyone lucky enough to date me is going to have a perfect first date, period.
• c. Well, he would have to be like, really cute? And like, we would go to somewhere like, nice? Um, and like, it would be romantic?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. Whatever, you know? I just go with things, man. If love happens, it happens, but I can't force it, you know? It's just whatever the energy of the universe wants, bro, you know? Whatever the vibe happens to be. You can read more about it in next month's Playboy magazine.
• f. Something really simple and sweet. I don't ask for much. Just good times with good people.

• Question 2: What Is Your Best Quality?
• a. I can drink anyone under the table! Want to see?
• b. Why don't you ask your boyfriend? He seemed to enjoy several of my qualities last night.
• c. Um...I like a lot of different things? Like, um...I like unicorns? And once, I saw Lindsay Lohan at a party and I was like, "Oh my god, you're Lindsay Lohan!" and she was like, "Yeah, I am." And so like...I can identify people, you know? Like, that's pretty good, I think?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. I mean, you know, what can I say? I know how to get shit done, bro. I haven't had any complaints, in any areas, if you know what I'm saying. That was a sexual innuendo. Just wanted to make sure you picked that up. Are you filming on the left? Film on the right, bro. You know my right is my better side. Although both sides look good in my upcoming photo shoot for People magazine.
• f. I'm a good friend, or at least I try to be. I could always improve, I guess.

• Question 3: Who Is Your Role Model?
• a. Megan Fox!! She is so hot and crazy!!! I am too! SPRING BREAK! OWW!
• b. Get me a mirror and I'll show you, asshole.
• c. Rolls? Like...for bread? You can be a model for bread?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. Jesus, who put me on this earth to be great. I actually discuss this in next week's issue of Star. You should buy a copy, bro. Buy one for your friends, too. It's gonna change your life, man.
• f. My parents. They have a really great marriage and they've always taught me that it's love and laughter that are important, not material things.

• Question 4: What Is Your Typical Saturday Night Like?
• a. If I remember it, it wasn't any good!
• b. You have to ask because you'll never be invited. That's so sad for you! Maybe you should go back to Nebraska or wherever it is you came from. I hear the cows on the farm are always looking for new friends.
• c. Um...Saturday is the day that comes after the day you stop working but only at night because like, you work during the day, but then like, the weekend technically starts at night, right? Why is it called Saturday? Did someone get sat on? Satted on? How do you say it?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. I'd walk you through it bro, but it's too much for you to handle. Usually it just involves me and my beautiful girl being the most famous people alive, trying to get the haters out of our way. We can't help it if everyone wants to be like us. I mean, we're perfect, you know?
• f. I typically go out to dinner with some good friends and then maybe out dancing or for a few drinks. Sometimes if there's a good band in town, we'll go to a show. No big deal.

• Question 5: Where Do You See Yourself In 10 Years?
• a. Famous, gorgeous, and loving life! And I want to give a shout out to my fellow Coyotes, my man Devin who I love so so much, no matter what they say, baby! Now who wants to do some shots?!
• b. Somewhere you'll never be. I'd say something like, "But I'll never forget you," except, well, I totally will.
• c. Ten is five plus five!
• d. I hope to be the head of an international research company. Also, I will still be an ear of corn.
• e. Just turn on your television, baby, and I'll be there, no doubt!
• f. Happy. That's the most important thing, right?

Stay tuned for the results!

Also, there is mention of wanting to put Holly Montag in rehab, and Kristin hardcore Frenches JustinBobby. I kind of love Kristin. I like that she says "dude" a lot, and I like that she made fun of Brody Jenner's sex skills. Seriously, thank God Lauren's gone.

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been checking out a gorgeous building on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Will they move the brood to New York? [Rush & Molloy]

• Madonna and Guy Ritchie have been spending time together, and Jesus Luz is unhappy. [Daily Mail]
• GLAAD president Jarrett Barrios says of a scene in Brüno showing an infant and two naked men involved in a sex act "doesn't help America understand the hundreds of thousands of gay families who get up every day, do the carpool then rush home to make dinner and be with their children." [USA Today]
• Another lawsuit for Brüno: A woman who got into a physical altercation with Sacha Baron Cohen at a bingo game (in a scene that didn't make the film) first sued for getting injured; now she is suing for "emotional distress." [E!]
• Please take a moment to read this interview between Daniel Radcliffe and an 11-year-old reporter. It is so very intensely awesome. [NY Mag]
• By the by, Daniel Radcliffe is worth £30 million; Emma Watson is worth £12 million; and Rupert Grint is worth £7 million. Buys a lot of treats in Diagon Alley! [Mirror]
• Emma Watson on former Harry Potter costar Robert Pattinson: "We're just friends." [Gatecrasher]
• Oh, and Robert Pattinson's ex-girlfriend is spilling that the sparkle vamp was "always amazing in bed." [ONTD]
• Wha?? Jon Gosselin and new girlfriend Hailey Glassman are in St. Tropez? And Shes the daughter of the doctor who did his wife's tummy tuck? And they've been hanging out on on fashion designer Christian Audigier's yacht?!?! [NY Daily News]
• Members of Parliament have received an apology from Mia Farrow after a "rogue fan" spent weeks flooding their fax machines with human rights and save Darfur information from Farrow's website. [Guardian]
• Gwyneth Paltrow hearts Spain! She and husband Chris Martin may build a home there, and there's now a Spanish version of Goop. [Daily Mail]
• Victoria Beckham wants a Sex And The City sequel cameo? Party like it's 1999! [NY Daily News, Elle UK]
• Aw: Step Up's Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan got married in Mailbu on Saturday! No doubt that the dancing at the reception was intense. [UPI]
• "At 38 (she turns 39 in September), [Padma] Lakshmi has a beauty that is not, perhaps, as bewitching as reports would have had me believe…" [Times of London]
• Ryan Reynolds is the first choice to play Green Lantern, beating out Bradley Cooper, Jared Leto and Justin Timberlake. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Michael Jackson-related magazines are flying off the newsstands; experts are calling it the biggest newsstand push since the election. [Folio]
• A&E had commissioned a one-hour special, The Jackson Family, which followed Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon and Randy. They finished shooting before Michael died, and the question is: Now what? [Reuters]
• The LAPD and the coroner are both targeting Dr. Conrad Murray, finding evidence linking him to the drug that may have killed Michael Jackson. [TMZ]
• La Toya Jackson believes Michael was murdered. [NY Post]
• This report claims that Katherine Jackson will have custody of Michael Jackson's kids; Debbie Rowe will have regular access and Joe Jackson will be kept away from them. [Mirror]
• "Debbie Rowe frequently injected Michael Jackson with drugs while she worked for Jackson's dermatologist, Dr. Arnold Klein." [TMZ]
• More pill/drug allegations. [TMZ, TMZ, The Daily Beast]
• Here's a claim that Joe Jackson wants to take Michael's kids on a world tour as the Jackson 3. [The Sun]
• Debbie Rowe will attend a custody hearing on July 20. [UPI]
• Michael Jackson's former nanny Grace Rwaramba was obsessed with Michael Jackson in high school, with references to him in hew yearbook. [TMZ]
• "Michael Jackson had a way of picking doctors who became such close friends with him that the doctor-patient distinction became blurred." [TMZ]
• "Jackson Targeted Dentists to Fuel Addiction." [TMZ]
• Some guy named Jack Wishna, who was orchestrating a deal with Michael Jackson to set up a Las Vegas residency, says that MJ was "thin and weak" and could not have put on shows. Wishna also says MJ "never never, never" wanted to go back to Neverland. "My thought is if someone buries him in Neverland he will come up out of the ground like in Thriller and strangle them," Wishna says. [E!]
• At the link, Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt discuss love, relationships and their new flick, 500 Days Of Summer, which is getting great buzz. [USA Today]
• Is Amy Winehouse finally growing tired of St. Lucia? How can you get weary of living in paradise? Should we fly there and conduct an experiment? [Daily Express]
• Oh: Amy Winehouse arrived in London from St. Lucia and promptly burst into tears. [Daily Mail]
• CNN: You were involved in the season finale of [the NBC program] 30 Rock. Are you a fan?
  Moby: Yeah. I got a call asking if I wanted to be a part of the season finale. And I didn't have to think. ... If they had said, "Would you like to come and clean the toilets on set?" I would've said yes. [CNN]
• Barbra Streisand talks global warming and environmental urgency. [Politico]
• Kim Cattrall found out that her grandfather was a bigamist and feels "terribly sad" and can't forgive him. [Daily Mail]
• Bethenny Frankel on The Real Housewives Of New Jersey' s "Lost Footage" episode: "Just really enjoyable and fun to watch!" [E!]
• Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child: Playing Roxie Hart in Chicago in London. [Independent]
• Mad Men's Christina Hendricks has picked a dress for her October wedding: "I'm wearing Carolina Herrera. It was the first dress I tried on and it was magnificent." But don't expect the nuptials to be Mad Men-filled — t will be mostly friends and family. [People]
• Remember Anna Chlumsky from My Girl? After dabbling in politics, writing and editing, she's back to acting. [WWD]
• More drama for Whatshername and Whatshis name. [The Sun]
• Al Pacino, Susan Sarandon and John Goodman will star in HBO Films' biopic about Dr. Jack Kevorkian. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Blind item! "Which lazy actor hired someone to do his college homework? Learning apparently does not do a body good." [Gatecrasher]
• "She's been public as well about her extensive plastic surgery-her breast implants, her Botox injections, and her liposuction-and wears wigs so luxurious they are more landscaped than styled. Her own past drug addiction has been some of the richest fodder for her books and radio show." — from a profile on Wendy Williams. [The Daily Beast]
• In this charming interview, Paul Giamatti describes what people's souls would look like: "I'd like to try Willie Nelson's soul for a day. It would be like an ear of roasted corn. And I go to Dolly Parton, for some reason-her soul would be light and airy, like a hummingbird. Yes, I like the idea of having a country singer's soul. But not Merle Haggard's-it'd be an engine block. Powerful, but kind of rusty, with lots of buildup." His own soul? "I'm seeing a hand-painted ceramic toad." [The New Yorker]
• "Everyone says, 'Oh, it's fake, it's fake. But I can tell you from personal experience that it's not. Some of the things, maybe they will produce it a certain way or whatever, but what actually goes down with all the people that I film with is real." — Brody Jenner's girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, on The Hills [E!]
• "When I got my breast cancer diagnosis [in 2004] and realized that my body was out of balance, I started to look at what it needed to be in balance: good food, whole food. I started looking at the environment around me - and I realized we need similar ingredients to make our earth bodies run. We have neglected what it takes to make the earth run. When I got involved in Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, I really began to educate myself. I realized I couldn't keep walking down the path of, 'I can put anything I want into my stomach, and I'm going to live forever.' That's not going to work, nor will it for the Earth." — Melissa Etheridge. [Politico]
• "The reason I joined [Twitter] is because Rob Thomas found my wife on Twitter and they started talking. I didn't really appreciate that so much. So I called Rob. I was like, 'Dude, I hear you're tweeting my wife. So now I'm joining just so I can monitor your conversations.' It was all in good fun." — Chris Daughtry. [newsweek]
• I'm thinking Season 6: "Rescue Me 3-D." Why not? What show is going to be better for 3-D? A show where you're running through a fire, you're up on a giant ladder, you're racing through a fire… You get the regular viewers plus people who are going, 'What? 3-D fires?' You feel like your own living room is on fire! I don't know if that's a good way to sell it." — Denis Leary. [LA Times]
• "It's unprofessional in my eyes. In every soccer player's eyes throughout the world it would be unprofessional to speak out about a teammate especially in the press and not to your face. But I'm going to turn it on a positive spin because that's what this needs. But in 17 years, I have played with the biggest teams in the world and the biggest players and not once have I been criticized for my professionalism. It's important to get this cleared up and I will be speaking to Landon either this evening or over the next couple of days." — David Beckham, who is miffed that his L.A. Galaxy teammate Landon Donovan who called him a bad captain and portrayed him as stingy in upcoming book The Beckham Experiment, written by Grant Wahl. [AP]
• "I trim, but I don't shave. I think it could get pretty gruesome after a while - I mean, my beard is pretty nasty. I happen to be one of those men - uh, I like to bring it in a little closer to the body." — Kelsey Grammer, on manscaping. [NY Mag]
• "Confessions of a Shopaholic was fun, but it was bloody hard work. In Adam, the script was solid; Confessions literally changed day by day, line by line. It was a Disney–Jerry Bruckheimer film, and there were a lot of cooks, which became incredibly frustrating… I had to do detailed and specific work about [my character in Adam] so he didn't end up being a series of quirks. When I initially read that first bit of script, I thought, Jesus, I hope this isn't one of those scripts where it turns out he's just a little off, but he's kind of wonderful and is going to teach us how to be better and more simple people. Because I kind of hate that." — Hugh Dancy, who plays a man with Asperger's in new movie Adam. [NY Mag]
• "I'm high and clean and tight, man. It's good to feel hungry. If you keep filling your tank when it's three-quarters empty, you're gonna run on old fuel. So you gotta drive it down to empty and let it work. I came here to press a little reset and then head back down the road." — Matthew McConaughey, on his 10-day fast. [Times of London]
• "'Was I terrified [of becoming stepmother to three children]? Not at all. Actors are the biggest babies on the planet, and I would rather be in a kindergarten than a room full of actors." — Sandra Bullock. [Daily Mail]

Salon's Thomas Rogers visits Conrad's book signing in New York, and opines that Conrad's success hinges on her blandness. He writes,

Much of the appeal of Lauren Conrad, like the Bella Swan character in the "Twilight" novels, is that she's a near-perfect cipher for young women. It's her very blankness that made her so well-suited for "The Hills" — and a much better choice of star than the woman who will replace her on the show, Kristin Cavallari — because she doesn't create drama. Drama happens to her. It's a feeling that many junior-high-age girls (and some grown-ups) can easily identify with: I'm just trying to be nice — so why is everybody being so mean to me?

Her book, LA Candy, tells the story of Jane Roberts, another nice girl who "just wants to live her life as honestly as possible — and plan celebrity parties, dammit — but is foiled by the producers' meddling and the distorting lens of the camera." It remains to be seen whether the two books that are slated to follow, and the related movie that may result, will help Conrad parlay her Hills experience into lasting fame. She has one big problem: if her appeal is her sheer reactivity, her status as a blameless girl who shit just happens to, then she risks wearing out her welcome she appears too savvy. People might buy that Jane/Lauren just kind of stumbled into a reality show, but will they believe that she stumbled into a book contract, a movie deal, and whatever lies beyond? And if they don't, will they still like her?

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, of course, don't need to worry about maintaining their image as nice people, since much of their fame relies on people totally hating them — and their nine-zillionth return to I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! is unlikely to change this. In the past, they've seemed aware of the loathing they inspire (how can you say the things Spencer says and not know that you're an asshole?), which makes their recent decision to start talking about Jesus all the time sort of confusing. Jason Boyett catalogs their religious performances, including Heidi's no-doubt-inspiring prayer session with Patti Blagojevich. He also quotes non-reality-star Christians like magazine editor David Sessions, who says,

As far as I know, Heidi and Spencer haven't done anything but yell about Jesus on TV, which makes them look like tacky opportunists and makes religious people in general appear ridiculous. Most Christians would look at their prissy, entitled, hateful behavior-it's all right there on tape-and conclude that anyone who took their beliefs very seriously wouldn't behave in such a fashion.

See, everyone knows Heidi and Spencer are horrible. So why are they trying to associate themselves with a religion that's supposed to be about virtue, charity, and loving thy neighbor? Boyett offers a possible explanation. He says that 46% of non-churchgoers agree with the statement, "Christians get on my nerves." Is it possible that Heidi and Spencer are actually trying to annoy people more? Whatever the case, only time will tell which media strategy pays off better: Lauren's nice-girl schtick, or Speidi's manufactured evil. Until then, they remain locked in an epic struggle between kind-of-goodness and irredeemable obnoxion, a struggle as old as time itself, or at least as old as television.

The Unbearable Lightness Of Lauren Conrad [Salon]
The Gospel According To Speidi [Daily Beast]

We wonder if she was violating any confidentiality agreements she might have with producers of the show, who still have some people believing the "reality" aspect of it. She said she didn't even know about the apology (or rather, "the phone call") until she saw the episode. Re-watching that clip, we're wondering what the producers were saying to her for her filmed phone scene to make it look like she was actually speaking to Spencer.

Earlier: Spencer Apologizes To Lauren For Sex-Tape Rumor

• You may want to just give up on life: Kristin Cavallari is getting $63,000 per episode to "play" a "villain" on The Hills. [PopCrunch]

• A hotel employee on Madonna's backup dancers: "Horrible." "Notoriously difficult… rude… presumptuous and cheap." [Page Six]
• Breaking: Uncle Jesse John Stamos is "conceptualizing" a Full House feature film! The Tanners' triumphant return! [Gatecrasher]
• David Carradine's death is still a mystery — he was found in a sitting position, but with a yellow rope attached to a closet bar around his neck. "We believe that Mr. David committed suicide but it is suspicious," says a police official in Bangkok. [People]
• Further details show that David Carradine may have died "from "auto-erotic accident." [Yahoo News via AFP]
• David Carradine will be seen on his Tuesday's episode of Mental. [E!]
• "Britney Jean Spears was not born into a stable home. She was born into a dysfunctional disordered one because of her father's alcoholic rages… She was on Prozac at 18… Britney was prescribed Prozac but she treated it like headache tablets, taking a pill only on the days she awoke depressed. This seemed to make her more manic…" [Mirror]
• While Britney's in London, she'd like to drop in on the Queen. [Mirror]
• Susan Boyle is out of the hospital and already has an offer to perform for Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher — for £30,000. Also, the portrayal of her as a crazy cat lady persists, since this paper claims she left the clinic because "she could no longer bear to be parted from her family, friends and beloved cat Pebbles." [Daily Mail]
• Krist Novoselic, former bassist for Nirvana, is running for clerk of Wahkiakum County in western Washington. Apparently he is running under the "Grange Party" banner, even though the Grange isn't a political party; it's a protest of the state's system that lets candidates say what party they prefer when running for office. [USA Today]
• The Slumdog kids are in Hong Kong today, where they will sing and dance (?) at a charity event. [AP]
• Lance Armstrong Tweeted in the voice of his new baby boy, writing: "Wassup, world? My name is Max Armstrong and I just arrived. My Mommy is healthy and so am I!" [E!]
• The woman who claims she was assaulted by Sacha Baron Cohen while he was filming Bruno says her injuries are "life-altering," as she suffered brain bleeds and sometimes requires assistance walking. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Lopez was "really nervous" before working on her new flick, the Back-Up Plan, because, she says, "What if I forgot how to act?" Or! What if you were never really good at it in the first place??? [National Enquirer]
• Jay-Z will release his Blueprint 3 album on Sept. 11. Interesting choice of date. [Billboard]
• Living on St. Lucia has had an affect on Amy Winehouse's sound and she is recording with "local musicians" who play traditional island instruments. Sounds… awesome? Whatever, just release some new music! [The Sun]
• Kelly Bensimon — seen here in a rather see-through dress — says of Real Housewives: "I think it was not exactly me just because I was incredibly guarded. I was a nervous wreck! Like after the show, Jill said to me, 'You're such a nice person, why weren't you like that on the show?' I felt badly too because I didn't get to see the real me." So you were being fake then? Interesting. Oh, she also says: "On Planet Kelly, everything is happy, the grass is really green, people are really really nice .... There's, like, fun everywhere and there's excitement and new opportunities all around. It's a really great place - you should come!" [NY Mag]
• Amanda Seyfried's latest film, Letters To Julliet, starts shooting soon, but her leading man hasn't been cast yet. Who would you like to see Amanda fall in love with? [Telegraph]
• Wait! Gael Garcia Bernal has signed on to star with Amanda Seyfried in Letters To Juliet. [Variety]
• Sienna Miller and some other celebs wrote a letter to Nobu restaurant in London which reads: "We feel strongly that blue fin tuna must be completely removed from your menu as it is an extremely endangered animal." [The Sun]
• Other celebs protesting the use of blue fin tuna: Woody Harrelson, Elle Macpherson, Sting, Trudie Styler, Charlize Theron, Stuart Townsend and Alicia Silverstone. [Page Six]
• "Agency Feeding Frenzy Over Ice Cube." The actor/rapper, not the unit of frozen water. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Kate Beckinsale was supposed to play Barbarella in the remake? But lost out to Rose McGowan? Hmm. We'd always heard it was Rose. [Daily Express]
• This review of a recent Mandy Moore show claims that she was "strangely tentative onstage" until the last song, a "rootsy" cover of her pop hit, "Candy," which she "seemed to enjoy more than anything else in the set." [NY Times]
• Shannen Doherty is selling her Malibu home, which has interesting contemporary architecture and a pretty nice pool. Also dig the exposed beams in the living room. [CasaSugar]
• In other 90210 news, Jason Priestley will direct and online series called The Lake. [Reuters]
• Is Jennie Garth a Twihard? She makes husband Peter Facinelli dress up as his Dr. Cullen character all the time, he claims: "She says, 'Put the doctor's coat on!' I'm like, 'Again?'" [Gatecrasher]
• M.I.A. has a record label called N.E.E.T. and this track, "Bang!" is from Rye Rye, the first artist signed. Just the thing to get jumpstarted on a sleepy Friday. [ConcreteLoop]
• "Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal planned to wed in Germany this spring but organisers couldn't arrange the big day in time." [Daily Express]
• Gene Simmons passed a kidney stone and promptly sold it on eBay — for charity. Charming! [Mirror]
• "Boris Becker goes wedding dress shopping with his fiancée Lilly Kerssenberg." She is awfully pretty. Together they certainly cut a figure. [Daily Mail]
• Phil Spector's 28-year-old wife denies she is a gold digger: "I don't take anything from my husband, and I never have. I'm a good person, but people don't see any of that or know how hard I work. I can weed whack. Rip out walls. Lay tile." Also, her pantsuit is 10 years old. "I've had this since high school." She does, however, wear a 9-carat diamond she and 69-year-old Spector "designed together." And now that he is in jail, she always has her hot pink BlackBerry with her: "I never know when he is going to be allowed to call. Whenever he calls, I answer." [LA Times]
• RIP Shih Kien, who played Bruce Lee's enemy in 1973's Enter the Dragon. [AP]
• "Being married is like being on a game show and you're always in the lightning round. I have a podium in my living room, and in the morning I hit the clicker button: 'I'll take Movies That I Think We Saw Together for 200.' The woman is always the returning champion from last week: 'I'll take Details of a 10-Minute Conversation We Had at 3 in the Morning Eight Years Ago...' " — Jerry Seinfeld. [E!]
• "I still can't believe we have a president who is mixed like me. It's one thing that we have a black president but for me it's even crazier because he's mixed. I feel like I come from a smaller off shoot of black people because I am mixed. People say I'm African American but that doesn't include the other half of me. I can't believe I'm living in a time where I feel proud of my president where I feel like things are actually positive and people feel good about where our country can be." — Maya Rudolph. [Women & Hollywood]
• "[Nurse Jackie] is physically low maintenance — that was a huge appeal. Very much like I am. I didn't want to spend a lot of time in makeup. On Sopranos, the nails, the hair, the makeup and the jewelry was very not who I am. It was fun, but after eight years I was ready to try something else." — Edie Falco. [Reuters]
• "All directors compare themselves to Orson Welles, who did his masterpiece at 26. So when you start and you're nearly 40, you're like, 'Oh god, I'm so behind.'" — Michel Gondry. [Independent]
• "I have a pretty amazing personality, and I'm pretty intelligent. Don't just write me off as a pinup" — Megan Fox to Elle. [Page Six]
• "A very smart person told me once what other people think of me is none of my business. ... I do not Google myself. I know that's only going to end badly." — Edie Falco. [Reuters]
• "We do not hang out." — Jill Zarin on the Real Housewives Of New Jersey. [Gatecrasher]
• "I don't know why that's either untapped or overlooked or not done well because there is really no excuse for it. This is a perfect example of it [being well done]. It's not as if women don't exist. I will say that in general there is a lot of crap in the world. It wasn't until I was thrown in the water on day 1 of Saturday Night Live where they said you write for yourself. That's what everyone does. I learned the enormous power of writing for yourself, especially now that people seem to be receptive to the fact that women can write." — Maya Rudolph, who stars in Away We Go, on why women are sometimes underwritten or ignored in Hollywood films. [Women & Hollywood]
• "I can't think of anything more horrible than sharing what I'm doing all day" — Renée Zellweger to Glamour on why she won't use Twitter. [Page Six]

[Los Angeles, May 27. Image via WENN.]

This picture of Heidi and Spencer is on MTV's homepage today. He's wearing more makeup than his wife and looks like he could be a member of Dead or Alive.

P.S. Nobody can blame their own ineptitude on Kelly Cutrone.

Previously, it was thought that this would be the final season of The Hills, due to Lauren Conrad's departure, but since MTV doesn't really have any other big hits, Kristin Cavallari — Lauren's onetime nemesis from Laguna Beach — will be stepping in, although it's not clear if she will be narrating the episodes. Apparently the cast is happy to have Kristin, according to Kristin. She said, "I've been getting phone calls."

Last night, during the show, MTV aired a kind of farewell commercial, announcing Lauren's final two episodes. One of them will involve a phone call from Spencer, and another one will most likely involve Lauren attending the couple's wedding.

An excerpt, available in Teen Vogue, manages to be both laughable and depressing. Jane Roberts "moves to Hollywood and ends up the star of her own reality show," and now she's called in for a special meeting with her boss Fiona. Will her white dress look bad on camera? Will her boss yell at her and humiliate her in front of the viewers? Not to worry, young Jane! Fiona actually wants to offer her a promotion:

"Of course, it will be strictly on a trial basis," Fiona went on. "Let's say three months. During those three months, you will work harder than you have ever worked before. At the same time, you will have opportunities that you have never had before. And if you succeed, your future as an event planner in this town will be virtually guaranteed."

In addition to a secure "future as an event planner" (something we should all aspire to), a "real job" with Fiona promises "more responsibilities, more respect ... more everything." Jane jumps at the chance, even as she becomes dimly aware that aspects of the conversation may have been staged (Why is Fiona wearing makeup? Why is she smiling so much?) But the really sad part comes when Paolo, a hot young photographer, just happens to wander into the office and immediately asks Jane out. "Lauren" writes:

Despite just meeting him, Jane couldn't help but be excited. She looked past the camera in the hallway and spotted Dana. Jane grinned and mouthed, "He's so cute!" Dana nodded in agreement and gave her a thumbs-up. Jane noticed a release form in Dana's hand. Did that mean Paolo had been released? Did that mean it had been a setup?

Jane clearly lives at the pleasure of her producers, who orchestrate her life for maximum entertainment value. But when she realizes this, is she disturbed? Read on:

Jane smiled to herself as she realized she didn't care. She was already thinking about what to wear on what might turn out to be her very first on-camera date .... her first date, period, since Caleb. Okay, so Paolo wasn't Braden. So what? It was nice to have a guy interested in her. It had been a long time. Too long.

Just when you think Jane might display a flicker of insight, she decides a hottie is a hottie, and who cares if he signed a release. Jane is self-aware enough to realize her life is being scripted, but not self-aware enough to actually care. If "Dana" is going to line up fun, low-pressure jobs and sexy, willing men, why should she argue? Why not just allow her identity to be slowly chipped away until everything in her life is planned out for the audience, and the line between what's real and what's staged completely disappears?

Of course, Lauren Conrad has probably been far more complicit in her own fame than the hapless Jane. She may have been initially shocked at her producers meddling in her life, but she clearly learned to work the system, and perhaps Jane will too. Far from just "ending up" on a reality show, Lauren Conrad has willingly allowed her life to be intruded upon, shaped, and presented weekly to eager viewers, so that she can gain a level of exposure she wouldn't have been been able to get any other way. And this, dear reader, may be the saddest story of all.

Teen Vogue Exclusive! A sneak peek at Lauren Conrad's first book, L.A. Candy [Teen Vogue]

• Ashton Kutcher elaborately pranked CNN and Ted Turner:

He threw a banner with his Twitter name, aplusk, over the CNN neon sign at the Atlanta, GA news center. Earlier in the day, he'd visited a restaurant owned by Ted Turner, Ted's Montana Grill, and, with the help of some friends, neatly stacked hundreds of boxes of Ding Dongs in front of the establishment. Kutcher had challenged CNN to a Twitter race, saying he would donate 10,000 mosquito bed nets to charity for World Malaria Day if he beat CNN, and 1,000 if he lost. CNN agreed to do the same. "CNN lost. That's what happened," Kutcher explained. "I'm just fulfilling a promise I made ... that I'd do this thing and I'm doing it." [CNN]

• Madonna and Jesus Luz are indeed having some kind of Kabbalah commitment ceremony, but Jesus's dad says it's not necessarily legally binding: "I don't know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son. It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know Kabbalah [or if the ceremony] will have legal validity." Yeah, no way she is letting him near her cash. [Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse's father says he fears for her life: "After she almost died twice from drug related problems, to see her walking, smiling - she has progressed so much. But now, if it's alcohol instead of hard drugs - I don't think I can go through that again. I've decided to distance myself, and whatever happens, happens. It's her life. It's her career. It's her decision." [Ok! UK]
• Britney Spears is taking her Circus tour to Europe, which means her kids are going, which means Kevin Federline is getting a free trip as well. [E!]
• Oh, nice headline: "Kelly Clarkson And 'K-Fed' Hit The 'Big' Time With Weight Gains." [Gatecrasher]
• Real Housewives feel remorse! Kelly Bensimon is sorry for being obnoxious to Bethenny Frankel: She emailed, "I honestly owe you an apology." Apparently when Kelly went off on Bethenny there were other reasons she was upset: she had an ex-boyfriend "harassing" her "like crazy," she was late because she had to "organize the girls to go to the beach" and, she claims, "My driver who has been with me since I was 23 told me he had terminal cancer." [Page Six]
• The home of Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail, child star of Slumdog Millionaire, has been destroyed by the government. Authorities claim he and other families were squatting on land they did not own, and now, Azharuddin says: "We are homeless, we have nowhere to go." [BBC News]
• In the new Essence, Jennifer Hudson opens up about her murdered mother: "I was always a mama's baby," she says. "I'd go and sleep in her bed until I was 15 years old." Ugh. Sadness! She also says: "The thing that keeps me going is knowing that God is in control. It's like, if He placed me here then I must be prepared." [People]
• Details are leaking out about what really happened the night of the Met Gala: Kiefer Sutherland and Brooke Shields were both drunkety drunk drunk drunk; Jack McCollough did bump into Brooke; she did fall; but it had more to do with the fact that she was wasted and wearing heels. Brooke was fine, but Kiefer "insisted" that McCollough apologize, and then got all nuts and headbutted the designer. Kiefer had blood on his forehead and Brooke was like, "What is that?" A source says: "She thought it was a joke or maybe cherry juice and LICKED IT!!!!!" And! Brooke didn't remember any of it until she read it in the paper the next day. [Perez]
• "Kiefer Sutherland talks Jack Bauer's deathbed and what's next on 24." [LA Times]
• Practice your curtsey: Prince Harry is coming to NYC! [NY Daily News]
• Oh, good: A job for Lindsay Lohan! She'll star in an "indie fantasy comedy" with Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews (?!) and Alanis Morissette (!!). The plot revolves around a grad student who spends the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote island and discovers an "eccentric community of characters" hiding a secret. And I'm here, to remind you of the mess you left when you went away… [Variety]
• Will Olivia Palermo of The City get a "job" at Elle? [Page Six]
• Remember that Absolutely Fabulous remake with Kristin Johnston? Fox "passed" after seeing the pilot. In other words, the project is dead, sweetie darling. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Susan Boyle rode in an airplane for the first time in 8 years, to go from Scotland to London for some voice lessons. This gave the paper permission to call her "The Airy Angel." [The Sun]
• Peaches Geldof was actually heard saying "Don't you know who I am?" while trying to get into a club in London. It didn't work. [Daily Mail]
• Beyoncé and T.I. are the artists with the most BET Award nominations; Lil Wayne, T-Pain, Keri Hilson, Jennifer Hudson, Jazmine Sullivan, Kanye West, Keyshia Cole and Jamie Foxx are also up for prizes. Jamie Foxx hosts; the ceremony is June 28. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Farrah Fawcett's video diary of her struggle with cancer airs tomorrow, but here's a preview. [NY Post]
• MSNBC Scoop columnist Courtney Hazlett recommends the Gosselins of Jon & Kate Plus 8 "get out while they can" and "step off the reality TV gravy train and reclaim their lives." She writes: "Celebrity that comes by way of reality only ends badly. Step away from that sippy cup of confidence that's saying that you can still have the same appeal if you're not together. Apart, you're not the characters those 4.6 million people wanted to watch on TV." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Katie "Jordan" Price and Peter Andre's split might just be a publicity stunt. Snooze. [Daily Mail]
• Jordan's dressage coach denies being involved with her. Also, LOL pix of Jordan in riding gear. [The Sun]
• This other dressage dude says Jordan's hubs Peter Andre is jealous and always has been. [Daily Mail]
• If you watched American Idol last night, you saw Alicia Keys asking people to text for charity as part of her work for Keep A Child Alive. [AP]
• John Mayer dated this model/actress and she's been babbling and blabbing (blabbling?) about him and how he feels about breaking up with Jennifer Aniston, saying: "He's never really got over it and he still talks about her a lot. He's been playing guitar alone at night, pining over her." Yawn. NEXT. [Perez]
• John Mayer once texted starlet Jessie James, "Let me tuck you in. I want to see you." [Page Six]
• If you liked Cornify, you might like to Kanyefy, with the Kanye West shutter-shades inspired Kanye Vision Bookmarklet. OMG what happens if you use them together?!?!? [F.A.T.]
• Well now I feel really really old: It's the 20th anniversary of Lenny Kravitz's debut album, Let Love Rule. He's celebrating by issuing a remaster with additional material, and says: "If you had asked me 20 years ago if I thought the world would be a better place in 20 years, I would have thought yeah, I would have thought that we'd have some kind of evolution even if it was minimal, but in actuality we are in a much worse place as a global community and as just the planet earth, itself, environmentally as well. I'm not less hopeful. I take the position of remaining optimistic but there's a much deeper hill to climb." [AP]
• Whoa: Mel Gibson paid his wife to stay quiet about their separation, which happened three years ago. He agreed to give her $52 million per year. For that amount of cash, I won't say another word about you Mel. Honest! [MSNBC]
• Rob Lowe and one of his former nannies have both decided to dismiss their lawsuits against each other; Lowe is still in another legal battle with a different nanny. [People]
• Barbra Streisand's ex, Jon Peters, is spilling secrets about how the diva was sexually abused by a slimy movie mogul and had affairs with three of her leading men. [Page Six]
• Cheers star John Ratzenberger has filed a restraining order against his 45-year-old ex girlfriend because she has "indicated that it is common in many country western songs for women to set the cars of their former boyfriends on fire." [TMZ]
• Blind item! "Which infamously perverted actor should start checking his dates' IDs? He may not realize that he recently went out with some serious jailbait!" [Gatecrasher]
• "It's known that Jenny Craig has the best tasting food. That's just a fact." — Valerie Bertinelli. [ABC News]
• "That's such a tough question. I would say, probably something in the health industry. It's too late to go to medical school. I'd travel. I'd go back to the years that I never did what I'd wish I'd done, which was travel Europe and backpack. That sounds slightly romantic. What I would do? I don't know. Maybe become a chef. There's so much more to do. It's almost overwhelming. I've gotten to a great place in my career." — Jennifer Aniston, when asked what she would do if she could ditch acting for some other pursuit. [USA Today]
• "I am a real threat to cover 'White Christmas' this year. I'm warning you now: I'm ready, cocked and loaded." — Iggy Pop, to Relix. [Page Six]
• "[Sunglasses] are seriously useful. I can sit in a show and if I am bored out of my mind, nobody will notice… At this point, they have become, really, armor." — Anna Wintour. [Page Six]
• "I'm a completely different person than Lauren. I have a lot more energy. I'm more outgoing. I'm a little more spontaneous. And she has a boyfriend so she's not dating on the show. I'm very open to dating and finding a guy." — Kristin Cavallari, who is the new star of The Hills. [EW]

I don't know about anyone else, but I really missed JustinBobby and his bad-boy refusal to adhere to social mores, body mics, or California's indoor smoking restrictions.

Also, what's up with Brody's girlfriend Jayde?

I was wondering how old she is, since she looks like she's had a lot of Botox, and various other procedures. But mostly I was wondering if she's even from this planet.

Hasn't she ever been in a supermarket checkout line? Everyone knows who Audrina is!

According to Tim Arango of The New York Times, the network is attempting to steer away from its idiotic slate of programming in order to keep up with the changing tastes of their viewing audience: "After years of celebrating wealth, celebrity and the vapid excesses of youth, MTV is trying to gloss its escapist entertainment with a veneer of positive social messages." In other words, in a recession, nobody really wants to watch a spoiled 16-year-old get the birthday party of her dreams.

When considering a new slate of programming for the network, executives were faced with the reality that young viewers are moving away from programs featuring rich kids flaunting their wealth and looking for shows that spoke to their sense of community, progress, and opportunities to make a difference in the world. "It was very clear we were at one of those transformational moments, when this new generation of millennials were demanding a new MTV," Stephen Friedman, MTV's general manager, tells the Times.

But even as the network attempts to change its image with programs like "TI's Road To Redemption" and the latest version of "The Real World," which, for the first time in years, followed a group of young people who weren't drunk and obnoxious 24/7, MTV still clings to the programs that keep them locked in a downward spiral: "My Super Sweet 16," "MTV Cribs," and "The Hills." MTV's President, Van Toffler, explains: "It's not like you flip a light switch from one type of programming to another," said Van Toffler, "The notion of escapism will still live next to inspiration."

But what MTV fails to understand is that their brand of escapism is embarrassing, tacky, and hopelessly out-of-touch. What may have seemed aspirational 5 years ago now seems impossible and, to a point, terrible: in a time where people are losing their jobs and homes, is Cribs, a show that pretty much encapsulates the concept of buying shit you don't need or can really afford, the best way to provide an escape to people? Or is it just a reminder that buying unnecessary things with money that one doesn't have is one of the reasons we're in this economic mess in the first place?

If MTV really wants to revamp their image and keep up with the kids, perhaps they should stop underestimating their audience and pumping out mindless bullshit shows that center solely on money and stupid things people do with it. Or, you know, maybe they could consider playing music again. Just kidding! That will never happen.

Make Room, Rich Little Cynics, MTV Wants To Do Some Good [NYTimes]

The first clip is a montage of cast members opining on clothes, the best, obviously coming from Stephanie Pratt, who is currently studying fashion at FIDM, but is no more informed at judgment calls than her brother.


I love that she showed up at a club looking like when Valerie Cherish was trying to impress her stepdaughter with "hip" clothes on The Comeback.

Maybe when Spencer and Heidi adopt Dunk from Africa, they can call her Aunt Sassy.

In this clip, Steph completely bombs in her interview with People's Revolution boss Kelly Cutrone.

• Scarlett Johansson blogged about tabloid accusations that she's losing weight in preparation for Iron Man 2. She writes: "If I were to lose 14 pounds, I'd have to part with both arms. And a foot."

• She says that while she is working out to fit into her superhero catsuit, reports that she's crash dieting are untrue. "I'm frustrated with the irresponsibility of tabloid media who sell the public ideas about what we should look like and how we should get there," she writes. "I would be absolutely mortified to discover that some 15-year-old girl in Kansas City read one of these 'articles' and decided she wasn't going to eat for a couple of weeks so she too could 'crash diet' and look like Scarlett Johansson." [The Huffington Post]
• Phil Spector was found guilty today of second-degree murder in his retrial for the death of actress Lana Clarkson. He faces a minimum of 18 years in prison. [Rolling Stone]
• After Easter services, Mel Gibson confirmed to a fellow parishioner that his wife of 28 years, Robyn Gibson has filed for divorce. Sources say they've actually been separated for the past three years. She is seeking joint custody of their 9-year-old son. [People]
• Mel Gibson has filed his response, and it only took a matter of hours. In documents available at the link, he says he and Robyn separated less than a month after his DUI arrest. He says the reason for divorce is "irreconcilable differences." [TMZ]
• Madonna emailed The Nation, a Malawian newspaper and said: "I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and health care possible ... It's my hope that she, like David, will one day return to Malawi and help the people of their country." [CNN]
• Madonna has also released this photo of her cradling a sleeping Mercy in her arms. [The Daily Mail]
• Someone broke into Tila Tequila's house this morning and posted on her Twitter: "I just broke into her house, killed her and her dog. Logged onto Twitter to tell you guys. She was signed on already. Tila Tequila is dead." The real Tila then wrote that she's OK, but someone broke in, locked her dog in her trunk, and posted on her Twitter. [MSNBC, ONTD]
• Jon Eardley, the lawyer tried to free Britney Spears from her conservatorship, supposedly at her request, has asked a judge to require Brit to take time out of her Circus tour to testify in court. The conservatorship is currently trying to file a restraining order against Eardley. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan's new post-breakup tattoo ion her inner wrist is of a quote from Marilyn Monroe. It says: "Everyone's a star and deserves the right to twinkle," and is surrounded by stars.[People]
• Miley Cyrus went to lunch with her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas and her current boyfriend Justin Gaston was nowhere to be found. [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell may leave American Idol when his contract runs out next year because he can't handle filming the show, as well as two reality shows in Britain. "I don't want to come over as whiney because I am very grateful that I have got these jobs," he said. "But there is a point where I am not sure we can keep this schedule up." [Access Hollywood]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were photographed leaving an IVF clinic in San Diego. [Perez Hilton]
• Artist Mark McGowan is putting on a show in which he'll reenacting the final hours of Jade Goody's life. [The Mirror]
• Here's video of Paul Rudd singing and dancing on Sesame Street while wearing a giant planet Earth costume. [Video Gum]
• Lo Bosworth says even though Lauren Conrad has left The Hills she thinks Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag could carry the show themselves. She adds: "[Lauren] hasn't filmed in weeks and she's really excited about that… I think she'll come back for special occasions and stuff, but we just don't know how many episodes she'll return for or if there will be another season. It's really just all up in the air." [Perez Hilton]
• Watch this preview clip of Spencer from tonight's episode and decide for yourself. [People]
• And here's another clip featuring Heidi telling Spencer that they need couple's therapy. [Perez Hilton]
• Lauren Conrad is going to guest star on Family Guy. The episode will air on May 3 and she will date Brian. [People]
• Mark Wahlberg and James Franco have joined the cast of the Tina Fey-Steve Carell film Date Night. [Variety]
• A New Moon insider says, "I hear that Kristen [Stewart] and Rob [Pattinson]'s 'teams' are having an emergency meeting," which apparently means that they are dating. [E!]
• Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi posed naked in Allure and exposed a scar on her arm that she got when she was 14. "I love it because it makes me a person who has an interesting past, and it reminds me that I can survive any pain," she says. [People]
• Jason Priestley and his wife Naomi Lowde are expecting their second child. [Us]
• Ralph Fiennes will star in "The Men at the Pru, which is co-written and co-directed by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. [UPI]
• "I feel like a tranny a lot of the time ... I don't know, I'm ... large? They put me in six-inch heels, and I tower over every man. I've got this long hair and lots of clothes and makeup on. I just feel really big a lot of the time, and I'm surrounded by a lot of tiny people. I feel like a man sometimes." - Blake Lively. [ONTD]
• Drew Barrymore says it took four to six hours to apply the aging makeup to play Little Edie Beale in Grey Gardens. Drew said: "My face suffered as a result. We ended up with skin issues I'd never had before because I developed an allergy to chemicals in isopropyl, the alcohol used in removing cosmetics. A constancy of prosthetics also created a sensitivity to adhesives, and our makeup people had to find alternatives." [The Daily Express]
• The executor of Dee Dee Ramone's estate has gone to court to stop publication of the book Poisoned Heart: I Married Dee Dee Ramone by the late bassist's first wife. [AP]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck has written book on eating gleuten free called The G Free Diet. She says: "My grandmother was giving me her meatball-and-sauce recipe ... When she got to the part about adding breadcrumbs, she looked up at me and said, 'Elisabeth, you can add whatever you want here.' I thought, if my Italian grandmother can understand being G-free, anyone can." [People]
• Annie Lennox had surgery to surgery to release a trapped nerve in her back six months ago and says she may never be able to perform again. "When I had the surgery, I didn't even know if I would be able to walk again properly. My foot is still not right — it is kind of permanently numb. And it is a strange thing to live with, really," said Lennox. "I have been doing physical therapy and I still don't know if it will ever be back to normal again. ... I don't think I could do a normal concert any more at this point in time." [UPI]
• Kanye West was a good sport about the South Park episode mocking him at first, but the joke may be getting old. He blogged: "SOUTH PARK pt. 3 I WAS AT CHEESECAKE FACTORY YESTERDAY AND THE MANAGER BROUGHT ME A PLATE OF FISH STICKS... (in a sarcastic tone) uuuuuuum, GREAT! : /" [The Atlantic]

In other news, Spencer and Brody are speaking again. Brody, like everyone else in the world, thinks that Spencer should break up with Heidi. The best part of the hour-long premiere of this final season was when Lauren asked Heidi, "Can I be real for a minute?" Because it's obviously a questionable way to be, on this "reality" show.

• Gisele Bundchen married Tom Brady again, this time in Costa Rica. They first got hitched in the U.S. in February. These days you can't be a celebrity and not have two or three ceremonies. [Breitbart, Mirror]

• Oh! But! There was gunfire at Gisele's wedding: Bodyguards shot at paparazzi. No one was injured, but the back window on an SUV was shattered. Says one snapper: "I could have lost my life for the sale of some pictures that Gisele didn't want published. Are they insane?" [NY Post]
• Madonna reportedly "shrieked in horror" when she found out that a judge was denying her adoption of Mercy. [Pop Dirt]
• Madonna has left Malawi in her private jet and is headed for London. [Star Tribune]
• Madonna is said to be "in pieces." [Daily Mail]
• And now Madonna is back in the UK; Guy Ritchie met her at the airport. They didn't seem to speak to each other but he had a big hug for David. [Daily Mail]
• Rihanna is partying in Barbados — it's her grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. Her father says the singer is "back to herself." [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, Chris Brown is due in court today where he will do some "intense" plea dealing. [NY Daily News]
• Over the weekend, news broke that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a huge fight and that Sam changed the locks at her house. Ouch! [TMZ]
• Lindsay was specifically asked not to attend a Charlotte Ronson party but showed up anyway. [Socialite Life]
• Did Lindsay go on a Twitter tirade? This report says she wrote: "Being cheated on does wonders to you. I'm doing this publicly because u&ur friends call People [magazine]. So you win, you broke my heart. Now go away. I loved you." So wait, Sam cheated? Also, not so long ago, you couldn't get LL to admit she was IN a gay relationship; now she announces the details to the whole world??? [This Is London]
• Farrah Fawcett, who has been battling cancer for almost three years, is in a hospital in L.A. [Reuters, RadarOnline]
• Meanwhile, her son, Redmond O'Neal, was busted for drugs yesterday. In the parking lot of a prison. Not a joke. Also, Ryan O'Neal says Farrah just went in for a procedure and "is not at death's door." [NY Post, EW]
• This report says the end is near for Farrah Fawcett. [MSNBC Scoop]
• This paper claims that doctors fear the worst for Farrah. [NY Post]
• Scandalous: Jennifer Aniston was seen smiling and laughing and generally having fun. [Gatecrasher]
• Dear Beyoncé, the bangs and the heels are understandable, but the suspenders? [Daily Mail]
• Paris Hilton says of Doug Reinhardt: "We're best friends. It's not like we just met. We've known each other over the past year. I was in a relationship before and we reconnected. I'm really in love and really happy. He's going to be my husband." Does that sound like a threat? [E!]
• There's a sneak peak of season five of The Hills up, and apparently the big question is whether Heidi and Lauren will reconcile. But the even bigger question is: Does anyone still care? [E!]
• Speaking of The Hills, Lauren Conrad's new guy, Kyle Howard, wants to marry her, so he took her mom and dad out for lunch — and picked up the tab. [Star]
• Ryan Gosling has a band, and the band has a video, and it's here. [Pop Sugar]
• Oh, Christ: After enduring all kinds of shit for those bikini pictures, now this headline from the Daily Fail: "Has Jennifer Love Hewitt Lost Too Much Weight?" [Daily Mail]
• Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher are shooting a flick called Five Killers and it appears that they kiss. [Socialite Life]
• "How Poor Suri Cruise Has Become A Style Victim At Just Three Years Of Age." [Daily Mail]
• Behold: Victoria Beckham in enormous shoulder pads. [Daily Mail]
• Gossip Girl's Blake Lively and Penn Badgley have left the country to vacation in Thailand and you have not. [Just Jared]
• It's not that Serena Williams can't find a pair of bikini bottoms that fit, it's that her derriere is awesome and will not be held down! [Daily Mail]
• Anna Kournikova took part in a triathlon in Miami on Sunday. [Daily Mail]
• Ooh, Seal will sing the National Anthem at the Red Sox/Tampa Bay Rays game today! [The Star]
• You may find this hard to believe, but Gary Coleman regrets doing a movie titled Midgets vs. Mascots. He has a YouTube rant explaining his mortgage made him do it. [Page Six]
• Possible new couple: 50 Cent and Ciara. [Page Six]
• Bai Ling wants you to know that Bai Ling never had sex with Mickey Rourke. [Page Six]
• A square-faced Jack Black slays demons with his guitar in a new video game called Brutal Legend. Check out his heart-shaped soul patch! [Wired]
• Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are not only back on, but looking for a "love nest" in Santa Monica. Megan wants ocean views because "she loves the beach and spotting dolphins." [Star Magazine]
• The series finale of ER did okay, ratings-wise, but not as well as Cheers or Friends. [AdAge]
• Miley Cyrus' wardrobe in the Hannah Montana movie is "clean cut, wholesome and decidedly demure." Are times changing?!?! [LA Times]
• Between Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift and Julianne Hough, women ruled at the Academy of Country Music Awards. Do you have to be blonde and toothy, or is it just a coincidence? [Yahoo News ia AP]
• Christina Ricci will star in a "porn-tinged comedy" co-written by Adam Sandler. She'll play "an innocent girlfriend." [Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Hudson's fans worry about her and can't stop talking about how they hope she doesn't cry while she is singing. [Washington Post]
• Jennifer Hudson says, "I'm fine, I'm happy." [USA Today]
• By now you must have heard: Demi Moore saved a suicidal woman's life via Twitter? [The Star]
• Brandon Michael Vayda, who plays Mike on 90210, pulled some guy out of a taxi and "beat the living crap out of him" outside of a nightclub. [TMZ]
• Alex DeSilva, a choreographer from So You Think You Can Dance, was arrested Saturday and charged with four counts of sexual assault. All of his victims were his students at the time. [E!]
• Fox's Roger Friedman wrote about the leaked flick Wolverine (which the FBI is investigating) in his column, saying, "It took really less than seconds to start playing it all right onto my computer." Now he's been fired. Whoops! [NY Times]
• Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr sang together for the first time in years at a benefit to introduce children to transcendental meditation. And yes, David Lynch runs the foundation in question. [Breitbart]
• Jeff Beck, Metallica, Run-DMC, Bobby Womack and Little Anthony and the Imperials were inducted into the hall of fame over the weekend. [NY Times]
• Fast & Furious sped away with a $72.5 million box office, which is huge. Huge. [Breitbart]
• Thousands lined the streets of London and Essex at the funeral of Jade Goody, which this paper calls "Princess Diana-style." [Daily Mail]'
• Jade Goody's family says they don't want her grave to be a shrine, "trampled by strangers." [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which C-list Hollywood stud was so drunk and desperate that he showed up at the home of an L.A. gossip reporter and demanded a booty call? Guess what, folks? She accepted!" [Gatecrasher]
• "There's a time for celebration and I partake, sure. But you know, it's important not to let that become too big of a distraction. The more you have access to, the harder it is to remain focused. You know what, I do not want to fall victim to that, it's too easy and too often done. It's out of style anyway, I think too many people have done it before me, I'm not going to. It's uncool, yeah. I think the rebellious thing to do would to actually be successful." — Zac Efron on drinking and the Hollywood party scene. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I'm excited to not have everything scheduled in advance. I can just call up a friend and grab lunch. I can wear white when I want to — I could never do that on camera. I can go backless!" — Lauren Conrad, on her plans for her life after The Hills. [LA Times]
• "It's kind of like a self-aware observational comedy of the simplest thing in the world, which isn't so simple." — Bob Saget on his new show, Surviving Suburbia. [NY Daily News]
• "People will always say that I'm over-exposed and that's what I want, all this attention. That's not it. What I love is the art of it all." — Miley Cyrus. [NY Daily News]
• "Somebody said to me 'Well, you know what? You just got such a big mouth and you just know how to talk to people. Did you ever think about runnin' for president?' I said 'I think we've had enough boobs in the White House.'" — Dolly Parton. [CBS News]
• "Some of my best compliments are on a $15 Ross dress. Ross gets you a weird look, but I've rocked two or three good pieces from there over the years." — Rosario Dawson. [New York Mag]
• "Well, I certainly got hit on a lot. And a lotta men thought I was as silly as I looked, I guess. You know, I look like a woman but I think like a man. And in this world of business, that has helped me a lot. Because by the time they think that I don't know what's goin' on, I then got the money, and gone." — Dolly Parton. [CBS News]

[Los Angeles, April 2. Image via x17.]

• Today trial to extend a restraining order against Sam Lutfi, a lawyer testified that he was once hired to free Britney Spears from her father's conservatorship because it's like living "in prison." [Yahoo]

• Chelsea Clinton is engaged to boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky, according to The National Enquirer. They will marry this summer in a $1 million wedding. [Perez Hilton]
• The legal battle over Project Runway has come to an end! Weinstein Company has agreed to pay Bravo and NBC an undisclosed amount to move Project Runway to Lifetime. There's still no word on when season 6 may air. [Perez Hilton]
• The Simpsons will be featured on a new set of stamps. [Media Bistro]
• In the new Glamour, cover girl Miley Cyrus calls 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston "the best thing that's happened in to me in a long, long time," and adds, "I don't feel like there's anything to hide. And I love [Justin] so much I don't really care." [Perez Hilton]
• The Obamas gave Queen Elizabeth an iPod loaded with show tunes and photos of her last visit to the U.S. She gave them a signed picture of herself and Prince Philip. [People]
• Scott Wolf has made it a party of three. His wife gave birth to their son Jackson Kayse Wolf last week. [Star]
• Someone smashed in the back window of Nadya Suleman's van. [TMZ]
• X-Men Origins: Wolverine has been leaked online a month before it's release. A representative from Fox says it's just a rough cut. [Variety]
• Hugh Jackman may be coming to your town! The Wolverine premiere will take place at whatever U.S. city gets the most votes in an online contest. [Just Jared]
• Here are some new promo shots for season 5 of The Hills. [Just Jared]
• You can listen to Heidi Montag's new song "Look How I'm Doin" at the link, but why would you want to? [Pop Sugar]
• Josh Duhamel filmed a public service announcement asking people to donate to the Red Cross to help victims of the recent flooding and severe weather conditions in his homestate of North Dakota and Minnesota. You can watch it here: [Entertainment Tonight]
• TMZ would like you to know that Kevin Federline is still fat, but "Rumors that K-Fed is pregnant are false." [TMZ]
• The radio audience of The Morning Invasion on Latino 96.3 freaked out this morning when a fake caller claiming to be Chris Brown's dad said Rihanna deserved the beating and was pregnant with Chris' child as an April Fool's joke. Dating violence: always hilarious! [TMZ]
• Former Sassy editor Christina Kelly is talking about her old interview with Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love in honor of the 15th anniversary of Kurt's death. She says: "The thing that really sticks out about that interview was how he was wearing these little black Keds, like the kind that girls wear, and they had a hole in them. Courtney was like, "He has the number one record and he only has one pair of shoes." And that just sort of sums him up. He seemed happy, but he seemed overwhelmed." [I Heart Daily]
• "Right now, my favorite thing to write about is love. And breakups. And boys. And feelings. Honesty is a big part of my writing, because when I was younger and fell in love with songs I'd hear, I would always wonder who that song was about. It would have totally broken my heart to know it wasn't about anyone and was just written so it could be on the radio." — Taylor Swift [Just Jared]
• In her new book Debbie Phelps says she cried her eyes out when her son, Michael Phelps, was arrested for a DUI in 2004. She writes: "Nothing like this had ever happened with him. It was unreal — like something out of a horror movie — with TV clips of jail cell doors slamming ominously shut, dooming the life and career of one golden boy turned loser." [Star]