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We're happy to report that actress Minnie Driver — whose almost-legendary trouble with men had its latest nadir when (depending on who you believe) Paris Hilton or Cameron Diaz stole magician Criss Angel out from under her — has not been so burned by boys that she has no sense of humor about the dating game. Despite her phoned-it-in article in the new issue of Allure about how she learned to love her hair (uh, been there, done that) the actress has redeemed herself with her contribution to the latest edition of Esquire magazine's "10 Things You Don't Know About Women", in which female celebs offer their top tips on dealing with, well, themselves. In fact, for those who've ever really wanted to know what really went down with Minnie and Matt Damon (and Robby Ginepri, Taylor Hawkins, Josh Brolin, and Criss Angel) Minnie's column may provide some clues:
1. When you hug a woman at the end of a date, if you have any romantic intentions whatsoever, do not "bro-pat" her on the back. [Must have been Robby Ginepri - a total jock move]
2. If you are fortunate enough to have a girlfriend not wear underwear with her sexy black dress, do not announce it at the dinner party when there's a lull in conversation. [Definitely Brolin - he loves him some booze]
3. My mother always told me that if a guy mentions his ex three times or more on a first date, he should automatically be given the "I really like you, but..." treatment. I love my mother, but she's wrong: You get one freebie mention. [Taylor Hawkins - rock stars are notorious braggarts]
4. Here's an extra tip: Use that freebie to say something nice about her and you're much more likely to get in our knickers. [Uh, Matt Damon? He seems nice?]
5. If you think your waitress is hot, don't tell your date. She may well confide in the waitress in the bathroom, indicate what an insensitive schmuck you are, and the waitress, who will always choose female solidarity over your powerful skills of observation, will probably spit on your prime rib. [John Cusack, who despite his on-screen rep, is rumored to be a total pig]
6. If we look perfectly bronzed in February, it's fake, and it's going to come off on your sheets. Be prepared to make the call: sex or your Egyptian cotton. [A guy who loves bedding? Must be Damon]
7. Admitting that you're into us becomes infinitely less endearing when you follow it with the phrase "Which is weird, because you're not really my type." [Criss Angel, because he seems like kind of a dork]
8. "No" does not mean "Yes, eventually," and if we say "Maybe," we really mean "No." [Brolin... it was the booze again]
9. "I don't know" means just what it sounds like: "I don't. No." [Cusack]
10. We did not burn our bras in the sixties so you could get a better look at our boobs. [Duh! Ginepri!]
Top 10 Things You Don't Know About Women [Esquire]
Send an email to Anna Holmes, the author of this post, at anna@jezebel.com.
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