Collagen-and-silicone championing Maxim magazine has just named the world's five unsexiest women alive and according to the boy-mag brain trusts, the two most unfortunate looking ladies around are Sarah Jessica Parker and Amy Winehouse. Aside from shockingly-low BMIs, what do these women have in common? That's right, pronounced noses and Jewish heritage! (Although Parker is only a four-candler.) But Maxim isn't the only mass-market magazine with seemingly anti-ethnic standards of beauty: Entertainment Weekly just released its list of Ultimate Female Hotties and there's nary a chosen person to be seen (save bleach-blond halfsie Scarlett Johansson ). Not only that, but the magazine's list doesn't feature a single black or Asian woman.
In fact, of EW's twenty-five "Ultimate Hotties," the only ethnic ones are Latina: Half-Bolivian Raquel Welch, Mexican Salma Hayek, half-Mexican Jessica Alba, and half-Spanish Rita Hayworth. What about Rachel Weisz? Angela Bassett? Lucy Liu? Or, really, anyone who doesn't inspire girls to ask for nose jobs, $300 highlights or eyelid-surgery for their sweet sixteens?
Sarah Jessica Parker named world's unsexiest woman [Sydney Morning Herald]
Ultimate Female Hotties: Pick the All-Time No. 1 [Entertainment Weekly]









Comments
I would love to have a gay relationship with Rachel Weisz. She is so hot. And Salma Hayek is not full Latina either, she's half-Arab. Daddy was not Mexican.
@SinisterRouge: Yup. Half Lebanese, I believe. Hayak is an Arab last name.
Man, that is some mean-spirited shit right there. Maxim is such a dumbass magazine, and EW ain't far behind. Hello? Rihanna? Halle? Jesus, what freaking Neanderthals.
Kate Beckinsale as one of the all-time greats? Seriously?
@Hamsterpants: Yeah. But it's like every "ethnic" girl they choose is at least half-white or something. Even Halle. Her mom is lily-white Irish. It's like we like a little color on you, but not too much! We don't want to scare the white folk!
Oh you mean to tell me that mens magazine and hollywood don't want their women skinny, blond, WASPy looking and with big breasts?
Shocking.
And still, so upsetting.
I always wonder, don't the editors REALIZE how lame they look? Don't they know to always throw a "token" in?
Some of my best friends are Asian girls, and I am always fascinated to hear about the Lotus Flower/geisha/whathaveyou complex that so many men seem to have.
@Hamsterpants: The absence of Halle surprised me as well.
Also, I'm not sure if I would characterize Audrey as a "hottie." That just seems weird.
To Maxim & EW: Like I give a flying fuck what you think.
God, they're so useless.
That is really cruel and it could actually do damage to SJP's career. If you're a Hollywood studio executive pondering casting her in a romantic comedy, would the fact that she topped that list not give you pause (although I saw Failure to Launch and someone really should have rethought that casting).
In any event, but she IS an example of a woman who would look so much softer and prettier if she just ate something. If she was 20 pounds heavier she'd be 20 times prettier. Angular, bony faces like hers need meat on them to soften the lines. Jennifer Aniston is another woman who looks so much prettier when she's heavier.
Seriously fucked up list as far as Blacks and Asians (not that I think Lucy Liu is all that myself). But Lynda Carter is actually Lynda Cordovo (Mexican) and Phoebe Cates is part Phillipino I believe.
mean mean mean
Esquire's Women We Love section in the November issue was much more balanced, if I remember (reading it on Tuesday) correctly. There was even an African woman on the cover! Granted, a tall, blonde, movie star South African native ... but there were women of color inside.
@Archetype: Shit, do you remember that pic of her yesterday in that blue dress? Fuck, I'm a straight white chick and I want to do her.
winehouse and sjp aren't on there because of noses or candles, but because they're both FUGLY with a capital F. jeez.
@Trixie from Toronto: On another web board many moons ago, I knew a guy in L.A. He used to work at a video store in the early 90s, and Jennifer Aniston was a regular customer there. He said she was a good 20 lbs. heavier than she was before the first season of Friends, and she was absolutely smokin'.
aren't not on there, i mean. or something.
There are picture galleries of women in the Israeli army floating around the interweb. Any doubt in the natural, un-made-up beauty of Jewish girlies will be annihilated.
*dreamy eyes* I love me some Semitic beauty, of course, I'm a biased Jew, but still...
@Juancho: I had the same thought. How can anyone consider Kate Beckinsale more attractive than, say, Thandie Newton or Bai Ling?
When I used to listen to the Opie and Anthony show, one of the best moments EVAR was when they were cracking on the SATC cast and SJP called in. They didn't think it was really her at first but I recognized the immediately. She ripped into them for being cruel to her castmates and saying she looked like Ruth Buzzi. They were - at least for that day - quite chastened.
@SinisterRouge: That's just it. Being Latin is not about ethnic background, but culture. She's all Mexican.
As far as Maxim goes: the only way they would consider non-whites "sexy" is as a fetish.
@Trixie from Toronto: Maybe I'm high, but I actually think SJP is a very pretty girl - she's just not conventionally pretty, and yeah, she should eat some freaking FOOD. I read in a Poe story once that beauty is defined by the unusual (I think it was "Ligeia"), and really, that's the opposite of the Maxim oeuvre - it's all about racks and shaved beavers and chicks who look like the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
@Jeremy: i must say i have seen this and was both deeply offended and aroused. but without the offended part.
Maxim smells like fratdouches self-publishing a campus 'zine with daddykin's trust fund disbursements.
You know, like bad domestic beer, cum and fear.
They don't dig on real women. Big deal, we don't dig on them.
I like that Maxim tried to give reasons other than looks. Britney Spears because she can't perform well anymore. Seriously? You're just pissed that she has gained 20 pounds.
And I personally think that Sandra Oh is pretty. Skinny, but it looks natural.
But I think this Ugly list are not any more detrimental then People's 50 most beautiful people list. They all put an emphasis on beauty...
@petuniacat: I don't see any of Bai Ling's alleged attractiveness because of all the ridiculously smutty clothes she wears.
And I'm trying to think of a beauty with a pronounced nose, and I can't off the top of my head. Someone help me out.
Why don't we all write hate letters to Maxim, then?!
@Archetype: Quasi off-topic, but I was down the shore once with my family when this random white guy walked up to us (we're Filipino) and started asking about the mail-order bride trade in the Philippines. I wanted to slug him, but I was only 15 or so and let my mom graciously but firmly brush him off.
The blonde-girl standard of prettiness is so pervasive that it sells skin-lightening creams and plastic surgery in the Philippines. Makes me so sad.
@sarrible: That's because Esquire is an actual magazine of some intelligence
@petuniacat: Or Ziyi Zhang, or...
@petuniacat: I'll take your Bai Ling and raise you a Gong Li AND a Michelle Yeoh.
not that i'm defending, but the EW list was at least partially reader voted
@Skinny Bone Jones: Cause I'm not 100% positive they know how to read. I think they hire people to do it for them.
I think that we should only be judging women on attractiveness. Only attractiveness.
Also, I am surprised that no one brought up the presence of Sandra Oh on Maxim's list. I don't think she's unattractive at all.
@Archetype: I totally agree with the Audrey thing. She's not exactly a "hottie." I don't think Ingrid Bergman is either. They are beautiful women, for sure. However, when I think hottie I think of someone with a lot more makeup and a lot less clothing.
@Skinny Bone Jones: People at Maxim can read?
Am I the only one who doesn't think SJP is that unattractive? Sure, she's not beautiful by typical Hollywood standards but at least she has interesting facial features.
And we have to consider the source. SJP's nose is probably bigger than the average Maxim employee's dick, so of course it threatens them.
And notice one other thing: SJP is the star in her house, not Matthew. Madonna has never taken shit from any guy. Sandra Oh's character on Grey's is also totally independent. Even crazy ass Britney is not to be tamed (Amy I cannot defend because I know what she used to look like and is obviously killing herself).
It reminds of a years back when David Letterman was viciously ripping four women on a regular basis: Madonna, Cher, Oprah and Roseanne. Hmmm. What do they have in common? It was so bad Whoopi Goldberg actually went on the show and asked him what the hell was his problem.
@petuniacat: And it's not that Kate isn't nice looking, but a classic?
@AmazonRedheadedUberVixen: THANK YOU.
Totally right that it's uncool - Halle is teh hotness, adn I could eat Rachel Weisz with a spoon, even though I love me some dickin'.
BUT: SJP is the fug, no gettign around it. She's not fug b/c she's jewish, either - she's just plain ole skinny-sharp-loud-nasal-obnoxious not-hot.
@Hamsterpants: I, too, have always found SJP to be unconventionally pretty. I do wish she'd have a few cookies every once in a while, though, as she does look much softer with a few more pounds on her.
@TheGoodYears: yes. she is BEAT
@Hamsterpants: @JessicaLovejoy: Yesh. You're right, I suppose. Doh!
@Hamsterpants: Oops, I should have hit refresh before my comment.
As a single black woman in LA, the Capital of For-Fake Everything, I am Totally. Not. Surprised.
@AmazonRedheadedUberVixen: She does have her moments, it's true.
@brechtgirl: how about Sophia Loren?
@Skinny Bone Jones: because we would have to write it to every magazine out their. i think we should just send hate letters to conde nast and other magazine publishing companies
@Macloserboy: A very interesting theory. Independence = unattractiveness. Based on my personal experience, and I'm not nearly as successful as any of the women you mentioned, not at all far fetched.
and rachel weisz is hot, but what is she ethnicity-wise other than white? seems pretty white.
@Andalucía: True. And I completely get that. But I'm just saying all the ones that make it on these "Hot" lists tend to be halfsies. I love me my Salma.
Madonna, oops, Esther, is an aspiring Jew...
@brechtgirl: Sophia Loren, even tho she's pretty old now. But still hot.
@pferde_schwanz: She's Jewish. English Jew. There's lots of "white" people that are not Caucasian.
@JessicaLovejoy:
I had to google Ruth Buzzi. The resemblence is pretty striking.
Nearly every girl I crush on is Jewish. Check on the Hot List according to the lezebels...very different.
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