• #crappyhour

    Barack Obama Doesn't Look Too Psyched About That Beer

    Fifty thousand people are dead or close to it in Burma, and Barack Obama can state unequivocally that he does not drink designer beer. Seventy five percent of American adults will at some point be impoverished. The average American car owner really must save $30 this summer. Chris Hitchens believes Barack Obama may be pussy-whipped. Ellen Page believes Burmese dictator Than Shwe is a modern Hitler. And when tomorrow comes, Terry McAuliffe believes everyone will be saying that Hillary Clinton did better than they thought she was going to do in both the North Carolina and Indiana primaries tonight. Now there's a statement Glamocracy Megan and I can get behind! After the jump, an unusually hip-hop laden edition of Crappy Hour. More »
  • #causeimablonde

    Pop Quiz! Are You Smarter Than A Bush Administration Spokespretty?

    Remember Bush Administration spokespretty Dana Perino and that tough time she had remembering just what the Cuban missile crisis was? Well the other day she had another little missile crisis on Fox News Sunday, which is to say, she explained, she doesn't really know what a missile is sorta, because, um, totes, kthanxbai, she was born a girl. "Some of the terms I just don't know," she explained. "I haven't grown up knowing. The type of missiles that are out there: patriots and scuds and cruise missiles and tomahawk missiles. And I think that men just by osmosis understand all of these things, and they're things that I really have to work at — to know the difference between a carrier and a destroyer, and what it means when one of those is being launched to a certain area." Um, yeah, like if you launch a destroyer from a Tomahawk off the coast of Pakistan, could it even reach far enough to spray California with nerve gas? Truth be told, I don't know, which is why I took it upon myself to make up a little refresher quiz. See if you can identify the photos of some of the things Dana has been learning about! More »
  • #thatssojanes

    Why Our Government Has Become Like Rock of Love

    Why are so many idiots fighting our wars? Is there possibly an analogy to be drawn between the state of our government and the state of television, with Blackwater staffed by a bunch of rejects from I Love New York and the State Department by a bunch of embittered picketing Daily Show writers (only the strike has lasted seven whole years)? Well, that's probably a stretch. But we try valiantly to advance the metaphor in today's installment of the much-missed feature "That's So Jane's!" — in which we trick an unsuspecting expert on the world's military conflicts into granting an interview for Jane magazine, which he will never know is now defunct because he thinks he's talking to Jane's Defence Weekly. For this special edition, reporter Megan Carpentier talked face-to-face with a mercenary himself! (Well, actually just a weapons expert working at the Pentagon.) He thinks the military needs to be more like Dancing With The Stars. After the jump, of course. More »
  • #faq

    Benazir Bhutto: Beloved, But Sort Of In That "Marion Barry" Type Way

    We had a long chat with Central and South Asia expert Josh Foust of the website Registan about the assassination of Benazir Bhutto this morning. "She's beloved by her clan and by the masses her people own but otherwise, a lot of people do not like her because of how she and her father stole billions of dollars from the country, bankrupted the entire country, and never really did anything save bow down before Bill Clinton," he said. So she was sort of like Marion Barry? "Yeah! only the bitch who set her up WAS ON THE INSIDE OF HER SOUL." After the jump Foust explains why people liked Bhutto, which is to say, because next to her fellow exiled leader Nawaz Sharif, military leader Pervez Musharraf and their Indian rivals, she looked pretty damn good. More »
  • #breakingnews

    Benazir Bhutto Dies After Being Struck By Bomb, Shot In The Neck At Rally

    Exiled Pakistani leader Benazir Bhutto was killed in a suicide bombing today. She wasn't killed by the bombing itself, of course, she was killed by a bullet wound to the neck. Not leaving anything to chance, these Bhutto- haters! You'll recall that Bhutto had returned to Pakistan two months back after making arrangements with President Pervez Musharraf. She'd been exiled from the country after finding herself embroiled in embezzlement scandals and eventually being indicted for money-laundering in Switzerland ("Points out Jezebel resident South Asia policy expert Josh Foust of Registan.net, "That only happens if you're REALLY dirty") but her absence — and according to Bhutto herself, her growing waistline — had made the Pakistani hearts grow fonder for their onetime leader, as Musharraf's alliance with the United States against terrorism made him increasingly unpopular with the country's religious poors, and thereby increasingly unpopular with the country's civil liberties advocates, and eventually increasingly unpopular with the whole entire country. More »
  • #thatssojanes

    The World is Pamela Anderson, And We Are Kid Rock

    After what seems like a long hiatus, "That's So Jane's" returns to give your brain a rest from the esoteric topics it just pondered during Midweek Madness. In honor of the anniversary of the Chinese Communist party and Lagerfeld's Great Wall show, we decided to talk about China, thinking maybe Moe's dad would help us out here, but it turns out Moe's mom blocked this site from his computer and he doesn't believe it actually exists and seriously NO ONE ELSE would do it. Luckily for us, Wonkette's Anonymous Lobbyist asked the one person she was completely sure would not agree to an interview, Charles Freeman, a former Assistant U.S. Trade Representative for China and current 'Real World' watcher/ holder of the Freeman Chair in China Studies at the Center for Strategic & International Studies.

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  • #thatssojanes

    Korea Is Basically 'The Hills'; Burma Is Like Katie Holmes

    A few months ago, we were watching Entertainment Tonight when all of a sudden Jim Carrey appeared talking all slow and medicated about Burma and how to remember how to pronounce "Aung San Suu Kyi." And we were like, "What's the big deal? That lady hasn't so much as left her house in years!" Um and if you get that joke you'll probably like "That's So Jane's", the feature formed from a pun on the old slogan of Jane magazine and the Pentagon trade publication Jane's Defence Weekly which we provide for those of you who need a breather from the harsh realities of the crippling addictions and vicious custody battles of Brit and Linds and that girl from Heroes. This week Wonkette's Anonymous Lobbyist talks Burma, TomKat, K-Fed and L'il Kim Jong Il with Dr. Jason Abbott, a lecturer in International Politics at the University of Surrey and "owner of one hot British accent."

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  • #thatssojanes

    "You Know, When You Get To Know Ahmadinejad, It's Sort Of Like What Happens With Spencer Pratt"

    Welcome back to "That's So Jane's", a really bad pun we use both as an homage to Jane/Jane's Defence Weekly magazines and as an excuse to blog about something other than celebrities and drinking and fucking and all our stupid little affluent society problems. There's a whole Third World out there! And really, don't take a hot dictator's word for it: They're trying to blow us up. In this edition Anonymous Lobbyist talks to Michael Totten, an independent journalist and foreign-affairs expert whose idea of a great vacation spot is Libya. (Though the wife is nagging him to indulge her this year and go to North Korea.) In other words, he's crazy! This week the two take on A-Jad's hotness versus Blackwater mercenaries' hotness, Afghanistan's drug scene, and just when the fuck we're going to be getting some oil out of this grand Ponzi scheme to liberate Iraq. More »
  • #thatssojanes

    Uranium Without An Amusement Park Ride Is Like Tinkerbell Without Paris

    Back by popular demand, it's "That's so Jane's!" where we apply the snarky Valley Girl charm of our beloved dead magazine 'Jane' to questions pondered by the types of people who read 'Jane's', the "defence" publication that basically to the military industrial complex what WWD is to the celebrity sartorial complex. Your interviewer is Wonkette's Anonymous Lobbyist, and her subject is Joshua Foust, editor of Registan.net, a blog devoted to all things Central Asia and holder of a day job somewhere in the MIC. He's kind of squirrelly like that, and he refused to get too trashed with Anonymous on account of "security clearance" or something, but she wheedled out the truth on subjects ranging from Borat to plutonium by applying a dollop of something the pros call the "Mystery Method"...They should maybe look into it at Guantanamo!

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  • #thatssojanes

    Miss Universe As A Metaphor For Geopolitics

    'Jane's Defence Weekly' is a weekly military mag covering topics pertinent to national and international defense and security, and the main reason our dad was impressed this one time we told him we were writing a story for 'Jane' magazine. Below, we take the pun wayyyy further than we ever probably should have by asking 'Jane's Defence Weekly' reporter Nathan Hodge to interpret world events in the flip, casual, sophomoric voice a 'Jane' reader would understand!

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