Jezebel
Perhaps you have not yet seen the most important thing on the internet right now, which is to say the interview with Alice the Snorg Girl, but if you read this blog you probably know Alice. She's a complulsive smiler like Natalie Portman in Garden State, only with the rack of ScarJo and the tan of .... a girl who works at a tanning salon. She's the spokesmodel of Snorg Tees, which makes slogan T-shirts that didn't make it to T-shirt Hell. The ads were almost annoying as the T-shirt slogans themselvs and they're no longer on our site we assume because they are not actually targeted at people like us, they are targeted at the male species, who all seem to think of Alice as the Web 2.0 Helen of Troy. But did they know she ALSO majors in communications?
I really like reading. I'm kind of a closet reader. I love reading Harry Potter, and the last book is coming out this month, I'm freaking out. I also really like any kinds of arts and crafts.But don't get too hot, boys in our audience! There's a bonerkiller after the jump.
From Alice's Myspace:
About Me:
My name is alice and i have brownish curly hair...when i wash it. I kind of want to grow dreadlocks but not sure that i could pull them off.
Alice, The Snorg Girl [Winning The Turnover Battle]
Comments
her myspace is a goldmine of my eighth grade experience:
"BOB MARLEY AND DAVE ROCK MY FACE OFF."
@helen: HA! Just like eighth grade... but with many more bong hits and probably better pot.
So where is the "bone-killer"? With that rack, she could go with the Sinead O'Connor look and be hot.
She has crazy eyes like the runaway bride.
It's interesting that you elected to ignore the part that most closely touches upon the Jezebel motto of "Sex, Fashion, Without Airbrushing":
Oh I have also read about how fat I am, I guess it's not ok to be a model and weigh more than 100 pounds…screw that...
@helen: Tell me she did not say that. Any of that. Is she IN the eighth grade? Is the target market for these tshirts pedophiles?
@sssssss: agreed. she looks completely certifiable. or possessed.
Yeah, she looks a little demented, but in a totally cute way! And I loved it when she said "I am indeed single. I do like a guy right now but he is being stupid at the moment so we'll see what happens with that." Girl, I can so relate.
But I think she looks more like Jessica Simpson. Yes? No?
I love lamp? I love light? OH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER.
@JessicaLovejoy: I believe it's a reference to something that was on an episode of The Colbert Report? (I love lamp.--I think it was Colbert himself that said it). Or at least that's what someone on Wonkette said when the ad was running there. Help, anyone else?
It's from Anchorman:
Brick Tamland: I love... carpet.
[pause]
Brick Tamland: I love... desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.
i love her.
that is all.
Since when are dreadlocks a bonerkiller? You ladies need to meet some better gentleman who aren't so disgusted by a little sweat and grime... everyone knows hippie girls are better in bed. :) Less inhibited. :) Get away from those metrosexuals, they are killing your opinion of guys and what they find sexy. Most normal guys are horny enough to be turned on by anything... it's only these pampered city types that start getting spoiled and prissy... :P
@JRae: Oh, please. White people with dreadlocks, "hippies", trustafarians, etc. are sad, sad, sad. And terminally annoying. I'm not "pampered" because I don't want to smell the faint cheesey smell eminating from someone's stretched-out earlobes. Nor do I want to look at the bits of scabby dandruff accumulating in someones bread-dread-portable-bed scalp tentacles. Nor do I want to hear that 3-hours-long widespread concert on CD for the 1,100th time. Nor do I want to have to deal with someone's patchoili stank that doesn't seem to want to come out of the sofa.
If the above doesn't spell NOT SEXY, I don't know what does.
Alice should not probably not grow dreads for many sociopolitical reasons but mostly because she should leave her crazy hair as is. It's pritty.
I adore her so much after that interview. She is the ghost of my collegiate, stoner, reggae-discovering, crazy-haired self. She's so cheerful and un-bitter. And her name is Alice, so cute! The Snorg t-shirts are totally nerdly, but she's the bomb.
@JRae: "Since when are dreadlocks a bonerkiller? You ladies need to meet some better gentleman who aren't so disgusted by a little sweat and grime... everyone knows hippie girls are better in bed. :) Less inhibited. :) Get away from those metrosexuals, they are killing your opinion of guys and what they find sexy."
Sweat and a reasonable amount of grime are no big deal, but I'm a guy from flyover and white people with dreadlocks, male or female, just remind me of makeup-less clowns. A girl sporting them would make me laugh, but not in an attractive Sarah Silverman way.
AlistairHennessey: "... not in an attractive Sarah Silverman way."
Even if I had never seen Alice, I would expect her to be hot, based on your comment(i.e., if you think SS is attractive).
Dreadlocks can be sexy, in pictures at least. I can't believe she lets them pay her in T-Shirts.
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