30 Rock's Tina Fey Is An Intuitive, Acquisitive, Self-Deceiver

Even though there was a Feyvelanche of Tina interviews when Baby Mama came out last month, did we really learn anything about her? Sure, her face was on the cover of Marie Claire, but the interview inside was a farce (example, "Amy Poehler: Is your name Karen Felcher? Tina Fey: Um, no, although I can see why you're confused, because that is my porn name."). We decided to sic graphologist Sheila Kurtz on Tina's handwritten American Express ad to analyze her penmanship and tell us about the real woman underneath all that sharply-perfected snark. Apparently, our Tina is sensitive to criticism, intuitive, analytical, practical, not impulsive and just a leeetle self-deceiving. A full analysis of Tina's psyche is after the jump. More »

Heroes' Sexy Kristen Bell Has The Handwriting Of A Hermit; Kidnapper

Just how many blondes are there on the show Heroes? And how many of them have been on the cover of Cosmopolitan over the past year? I don't know the answer to that first question — I've never watched the show — but as to the second, the answer is, three. (Someone at NBC primetime publicity is giving his/her bosses their money's worth.) In October, we saw Ali Larter; in April there was Hayden Panettiere; and now, come May, we've got Kristen Bell. The 28-year-old actress, like her predecessors, is not only subject to a short cover profile but the magazine's 'Cosmo Quiz', in which she fills out a questionnaire about her likes and dislikes... and gives us a reason have her handwriting analyzed by graphologist Sheila Kurtz. So how does Kristen come off? The short answer: she's extremely protective, ambitious, intuitive and decent. As for the long answer, well, all that's after the jump. More »

Decoding Cosmo Cover Girl Katie Heigl: "She Refuses To Waste Time With Convoluted Crap"

Katherine Heigl didn't seem to take the "Cosmo Quiz" — the written Q&A actresses are forced to take to qualify as a Cosmopolitan cover subject — very seriously. For most of the questions, such as "I think it's sexy when a guy..." and, "My favorite male co-star has been..." she circled all five multiple choice options the magazine's editors provided. Um, did they not teach you the difference between superior and superlative in America's Sweetheart preparatory academy, Katie? Or is it just because you don't take many things that seriously at all? (Here's Katie regarding her dis on Isiah Washington: "You can't give me too much credit for being brave. I was just a girl who had had a couple of drinks and was angry and got mouthy. I really did think if would fuck me.") We'll leave the handwriting-shrinking to our inimitable penmanship analyst Sheila Kurtz, who sees a great many admirable qualities — and perhaps a few stray self-destructive ones? — in Katie's answers to such questions as "I am sometimes mistaken for..." (A: "myself...that's awkward"!) More »

Cosmo Girl Hilary Duff: Intuitive, Practical And Younger Than She Looks

Happy (early) New Year! For its January issue, Cosmopolitan interviews singer/actress Hilary Duff, who talks about her hockey player boyfriend, becoming an adult, and how obsessing about weight just leads to unhappiness. (Something we could all do well to remember.) Not exactly enticing stuff, to be sure, but, as usual, there's another begging-to-be-analyzed, accompanying handwritten "Cosmo Quiz" alongside Hilary's profile. After the jump, graphologist Sheila Kurtz takes a look at the starlet's handwriting so we can better "understand" the young woman behind the lavender Gaultier halter-top dress. More »

Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry

It's been a while since our last Signature Psychoses, and that's because Cosmopolitan, the magazine we've come to know and rely on for celebrity scribblings, suddenly wasn't serving them up anymore. What a difference a month makes! For its December issue, Cosmo is back with both a celebrity cover model - Beyonce Knowles — and an accompanying "Cosmo Quiz", in which the singer/actress answers cutesy questions by hand. (Interestingly, Beyonce is also appearing in a print ad for American Express that features a hand-written questionnaire.) Not surprisingly, (and as usual), the "Cosmo Quiz" isn't particularly illuminating, so we went back to handwriting expert Sheila Kurtz and asked her to do some stylnalysis on it, and the AmEx ad. What she found: The Dreamgirls star is imaginative, ambitious, self-reliant, but maybe not so quick on the draw. After the jump, images from both surveys and Sheila's analysis. More »

'Cosmo' Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted

Analyzing handwriting is fun! And once again, it's time for an analysis of Cosmopolitan's "Cosmo Quiz". See, every month "The #1 Women's Magazine" includes a spread of illuminating scribbles donated by that month's cover girl. Up for October: Heroes actress Ali Larter. After the jump, our favorite graphologist, Sheila Kurtz, weighs in on Larter, who may be more like the sexy, self-involved,"Jessica" side of her on-screen split personality than the nurturing, selfless "Niki". (Proving what we've long said about women named Jessica.) More »

'Cosmo' Cover Girl Jessica Alba: Emotionally Unavailable, Intuitive, Creatively Unfulfilled

Analyzing handwriting is fun! And while we were all set to have the chicken scratches in Lucky analyzed, we were informed by a Lucky rep that, sadly, staffers do not actually pen the purple-prose laden "Editor's Picks" in every issue. (That "honor" goes to the magazine's art directors). Such is not the case in Cosmopolitan, however. Every month "The #1 Women's Magazine" includes a spread of illuminating scribbles that are, in fact, donated by that month's cover girl for the magazine's "Cosmo Quiz". After the jump, graphologist Sheila Kurtz weighs in on the September Cosmo cover girl, Jessica Alba, the type of woman we love to hate but who, in reality, may be down-to-earth and pretty decent. More »

Does 'Teen Vogue' Editor Amy Astley Let Anna Wintour Sign Her Name For Her?

In September 2000 Amy Astley, then a beauty editor at Vogue, wrote a story about saying "ciao to hanging hair" and cutting a "chic, sleek bob." Know any other editor with a chic, sleek bob, folks? In short, Amy — now the editor-in-chief of Teen Vogue — takes her hairstyle cues from Anna Wintour, which is appropriate for someone who's invariably described by people close to and at arms-length from her as a more of a "figurehead" than an actual editor. (Another oft-used description: "bitch.") As the great helmswoman of the Vogue megabrand, Wintour essentially calls the shots at Astley's magazine, from cover subjects to "strategic direction," leaving Astley to go about the important business of pretending she runs the magazine for the sake of viewers of The Hills. So perhaps Wintour also signs Astley's name for her! After all, as graphologist Sheila Kurtz puts it, Astley's "penmanship" suggests (improbably!) someone who would "go after [opportunity] without anyone else's OK." More »

'InStyle' Editor Charla Lawhon: Friendly, Outgoing, Fast Thinker!

Charla Lawhon was part of the original team of editors during InStyle's 1993 test period at Time Inc. She was later appointed deputy editor of InStyle in 1994, and became executive editor in December 1998. According to one Jezebel, who has worked for her, she is the nicest boss that Jezebel has ever had: down to earth, funny, decent. InStyle — EXCEPT FOR OUR POSTS ABOUT FORMER ACCESS. DIRECTOR ALICE KIM — does not have gossip or drama circulating around it, and for a reason: because it is a nice place to work, from the top down. But see what graphologist Sheila Kurtz says, after the jump! More »

'Glamour' Editor Cindi Leive: Smart, Sensitive...OMG We're Really Trying Hard Not To Judge!

Cindi Leive was the daughter of a scientist mom who attended the nation's nerdiest and most self-serious liberal arts college and interned at the Paris Review ... all so she could grow up to edit Glamour? Where her crowning achievements include... the online Do's And Don'ts forum, Alyssa Shelasky, Edgy English Teacher. We're not going to editorialize on this matter, because according to Sheila Kurtz's handwriting analysis, she's "exquisitely sensitive" to criticism and very easily "wounded." Also: no one we know has told us she's a bitch. Yet! More »

'Elle' Magazine's Roberta Myers: Creative, Cautious, Constant

Compared to its fashion magazine cousins, Elle is one tough, slightly-feminist chick. One of the few women's titles unafraid of its own (or its readers') intelligence, Elle is overseen by one Roberta 'Robbie' Myers, who, unlike her editrix peers, is not much of a glamourpuss/press whore... mostly because she wants it that way. Lately, however, Myers has been in the news, due to a string of staff departures, a massive redesign, and, well, a curious choice of cover subjects. But what do we really know about her? Well, not much. After the jump, graphologist Sheila Kurtz finds that Ms. Myers — former boss/mentor to our own Jennifer Gerson — is as careful with her public persona as she is with the content in her magazine. More »

'Allure' Editor Linda Wells: Determined, Impatient, Logical

How in God's name does a magazine like Allure survive year after Creme de la Mer-laden year? Well, besides lots of quid pro quo between advertisers and beauty editors, the continued durability of the magazine owes a lot to Linda Wells, who went from being a Connecticut-born, über-blonde beauty/style reporter for the NY Times to a 5th Avenue-residing, über-blonde editor of Si Newhouse's paean to everything pretty, polished, or associated with Patricia Wexler. After the jump, graphologist Sheila Kurtz analyzes Wells' tomato-red scribble (try the aptly-named Fifth Avenue from Essie Cosmetics, $8, to get the look at home!) and finds that behind the fine lines and plumped-up curves lurks a judgmental, direct, suprisingly-deep thinker who is most definitely set in her WASP-y ways. More »

'Cosmopolitan' Editor Kate White: Infuriatingly Even-Keeled

The success of the magazine she oversees has long been contingent on exploiting female anxieties (Shouldn't he have asked you to marry him yet? Maybe it's because you're not a good enough cuddler? Or because you talk too much? But it's probably because you can't give a blow-job to save your life!) and then 'solving' them, but Cosmopolitan's Kate White is no Nervous Nellie herself. In fact, according to graphologist Sheila Kurtz, unlike her predecessors at the magazine — the famously dysfunctional Bonnie Fuller and the self-hating Helen Gurley Brown — White is as conventional and sensible as her name suggests. (Maybe that's why, when she's not cooking up back-bruising new sexual positions for America's masochistic young women, she writes mystery novels?). An analysis of White's annoyingly white-bread signature, after the jump. More »

'Lucky' Editor Kim France's Asian Influences, Hatred Of Authority

Lucky editor Kim France has always been something of an enigma to us. A Dinsosaur Jr.-worshipping Sassy editress in our youth, she later masterminded the first magazine to eliminate basically all text in favor of pictures of shit you should buy. She's spent many of the ensuing years making "No no no, no contradiction to see here!"-type excuses like "I believe women are allowed to think difficult thoughts and really superficial thoughts at the same time," and "I'm using my brain a lot more rigorously than I was when I was writing 1,000-word profiles." But does she really believe that? Our handwriting analyst Sheila Kurtz has some doubts. Likening her signature to a Chinese chop, the super-stylized stamps calligraphers use to mark their work, Sheila thinks France is hiding something behind her super-unconflicted public face... Perhaps that most of the marked-up crap in her magazine is made in China? More »

'Marie Claire' Editor Joanna Coles Has Huge Handwriting, Frontal Lobe

Time for another incredibly revealing look at women's magazine editor signatures. Next up: Marie Claire editor Joanna Coles, who took over the helm of the Hearst magazine 15 months ago. After the jump, graphologist Sheila Kurtz weighs in on the blonde British import, suggesting that perhaps that despite her magazine's steadily-declining September ad pages, Coles' good intentions and big ideas (maybe even the plagiarized ones?) might save 'Marie Claire' after all. More »

'Harper's Bazaar' Editor Glenda Bailey: Smart But Stubborn

It's Day 2 of our stylnalysis (yeah we made that word up) of women's magazine editors' signatures: Today we've got graphologist Sheila Kurtz's take on charmingly batty Harper's Bazaar editor Glenda Bailey (rendered at left as a Simpsons character from the August issue, the one brilliant idea in the magazine in God-knows how long). After the jump, handwritten evidence that Ms. Bailey and the essentially irrelevant fashion magazine she oversees — Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie on the cover of the June issue? What would Vreeland think??? — may be so stubbornly (and sadly!) clueless that both are beyond the point of professional repair. More »

'Vogue' Editor Anna Wintour: Not Exactly Playing Against, Uh, 'Type'

We've worked at enough women's magazines to know that their letters from the editor pages are rarely written by the editors themselves: Usually, a staff writer or junior editor composes the letter, which is then read aloud to the editor in chief in between clothes fittings and assorted cell-phone conversations. Anyway, since we can't tell who's really responsible for each month's ode to social-climbers, conspicuous consumption and anti-aging techniques we decided to analyze the letters from women's magazine editors in a wholly different manner: By their signatures! With help from our favorite handwriting expert, Graphology Consulting Group's Sheila Kurtz (who memorably analyzed the scribblings of Paris Hilton) we'll be posting an analysis of a women's magazine editor's signature each day for the next 10 days First up (obviously!) is Vogue's grand poobah Anna Wintour, whose scribbling shows her to be icy, vain, and ruthless. (Wait, we needed a handwriting expert to tell us this?) More »