• Scott Baio tied the knot with longtime girlfriend Renee Sloan Saturday in L.A. The couple have a newborn daughter. Good luck, kids! [People]
  
• Amy Winehouse's mother has written a public letter to her daughter, pleading, "All you have to do is come to us, Amy, and we'll do everything in our power to get you well again." [People]
  
• Amy Winehouse's dad says he sees Amy all the time and "It is absolute rubbish to suggest that no one has been in touch with Amy." (He split from Amy's mom when Amy was nine, sigh.) [Mirror]
  
• Ellen DeGeneres is on a campaign to rebuild animal shelters across the U.S., in an attempt to revamp her image after that Iggy fiasco. [Page Six]
  
• Britney Spears stole a lighter from a gas station. Try to appear shocked. [TMZ]

• Uber-tanned actor George Hamilton has a new show in which he bets he can go anywhere in the world, traveling and partying without spending a dime. Proving that rich people always get free shit! [Page Six]
• Will Smith is ready to campaign for Barack Obama if Barack wants him to. He should probably wait to be asked, no? [Page Six]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs, 38, is "in love" with recording artist Cassie, 21. [Page Six]
• Larry Birkhead thought he was going to be one of Barbara Walters' 10 most fascinating people of 2007... right up until the show aired and he saw that J.K. Rowling was number one. [Gatecrasher]
• Parker Posey's dog peed on the floor in Kiehl's. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which fashionable fellow with a statuesque girlfriend was putting the moves on other young ladies in Miami last week? Perhaps there won't be a dynastic wedding after all." [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Backstreet Boy Howie D got married this weekend. Not a boy anymore! [People]
• Prince Harry and on-again-off-again girlfriend Chelsy Davy are going on a "romantic African holiday" that could make or break the relationship. [Daily Mail]
• We touched on this before, but it seems like Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham has had her implants removed. She's still major! [Daily Mail]
• Sienna Miller's boyfriend, actor Rhys Ifans, says, "I work hard and party hard." Perfect match! [Guardian]
• A member of Liza Minnelli's crew was detained by police in Stockholm on suspicion of beating up a photographer. Whoa, Liza's got drama like that? [USA Today]
• Did Paris Hilton punch a girl over Stavros Niarchos? [MSNBC]
• David Blue, the actor who plays Marc's boyfriend on Ugly Betty, was mugged at gunpoint last Friday night. That would never happen to Wilhelmina Slater. [TMZ]
• According to a Swedish skin-care guru, Ricky Martin = gay. [News.com.au]

As you might be able to tell, I take some responsibility for my single status: the fact is that I — like most of my friends — have grown into a much more particular and specific and realistic person, which dovetails with the reasoning I received when I polled my buddy list as to why their single friends (and almost all their friends are single) were "still single." We are picky. We are romantic neocons who know too many people, too well; and even those rare occasions when we've loved too deeply have been too many times not to have grown something of an immunity to romance and its thoughtlessness; our last relationship was actually pretty great, until it wasn't; it set the bar too high; WHATEVER. Bottom line, yeah, we're all going to die, fairly soon, and we could very well die single; and today we're content with that. But yeah, we're in the minority here, right? Your single friends are constantly complaining about how single they are. So give it up: why are they single?

Scott admitted that he'd banged "less attractive" chicks because it was his way of "giving back."

We have so done this also! Though we are still awaiting for our karmic dividends! And as with Scott, we have found that sometimes the "less attractive" ones are the best lays! Baio gave high marks, for instance, to Liza Minnelli and Melissa Gilbert, "mehs" to Denise Richards and assorted other Hollywood generics, and generally echoed, from a male perspective, all the little counterintuitive exceptions to The Rules thirty years of casual boning has yielded him. And, um, it's kind of scary actually. Once you realize Liza Minelli is great at sex, how does a man narrow down his options? Seriously?

Scott Baio Interview With Howard Stern [Ohnotheydidn't]

• We find it hard to believe that Angelina Jolie is in any way threatened by her man Brad's ex, but a source tells 'Page Six' that that's precisely the case, making Angelina, sadly, a little more like us mere mortals. [PageSix]
  
• Christina Aguilera is expecting a baby. Think she'll wear her
  full-on face paint to the birthing room? [PageSix]
  
• Madonna has finally gotten the message: No one wants to watch her in
  movies. Who says people don't get wiser with age? [NYPost, 6th item]
  
• Paris Hilton once said she's only had sex with two people. And apparently Jack Osbourne was one of them. [TheSun]
  
• Oh wait, Age of Love star / tennis pro Mark Philippoussis has had sex with Paris too! [SkyNews]
  
• Nicole Richie has won a 2-week postponement for her trial on drunk
  driving charges, probably in the hopes that her baby bump/distended belly is
  clearly visible to a sympathetic judge. [Reuters]

• How best to declare budding affection for Uma Thurman? By stroking her hair in public, of course. [Gatecrasher]
• Peter Cook and Christie Brinley continue to hash it out regarding custody of their children. [Rush & Molloy]
• Liv Tyler wants plastic surgery, and fast, because having a baby made her body all fat and ugly and shit, yo! They so did not mention that in Lamaze class! [People]
• Speaking of, Drea de Matteo is already bitching about how fat she feels while pregnant. [People]
• Scott Baio to star in dating reality show, a la The Flavor of Love, on VH1. Ew. [TMZ]
• Oh Isaiah Washington! Stop! Stop! You are NOT Malcolm X! [SFGate]
• Ellen Barkin? Pot calling kettle black. [DailyMir ror]