• Madonna is in Brazil, but not to meet Jesus' parents. She says:

"I am going there strictly for fund raising and humanitarian purposes." Her Madgesty is sponsoring a documentary about kids living in the squalid hillside slums. [Page Six]

• Guess who was seeing Heath Ledger when he died? Lindsay Lohan. Her mom, Dina, tells Michael Lohan about it in this — you guessed it — recorded phone conversation. In the audio, Dina says Lindsay "cannot be alone" and sleeps with Dina when she is home because she has fears of being alone. [Radar Online]
• In a newly released 2008 taped phone call between Lindsay Lohan's assistant, Jenni Muro, and Michael Lohan, the former says: "I am trying to save your daughter's life every day." Muro was also pissed she had to relocate to NYC so LL could be on Ugly Betty, saying: "I get a 5% commission on this entire TV show and it's sick and disgusting and I'm here and I give up my boyfriend and my dog and my parents and my new place in LA and everything so that your daughter doesn't kill herself, ok?" [ONTD via Radar]
• A recent Tweet from Lindsay Lohan: "i'm a regular person to.. i sleep, eat, laugh, cry, shower, have blood running through my veins, i have a heart, etc etc- lol" [Twitter]
• People: I have seen a clip of Lady Gaga's new video, "Bad Romance," and there is latex and implied violence and dancing! The full video debuts Monday, and Ms. Gaga says: "There's this one shot in the video where I get kidnapped by supermodels. I'm washing away my sins and they shove vodka down my throat to drug me up before they sell me off to the Russian mafia." In addition, Gaga wears razor-blade sunglasses: "I wanted to design a pair for some of the toughest chicks and some of my girlfriends - don't do this at home! - they used to keep razor blades in the side of their mouths. That tough female spirit is something that I want to project. It's meant to be, 'This is my shield, this is my weapon, this is my inner sense of fame, this is my monster.'" [MTV News]
• Amy Winehouse loves her new boobs and now wants butt implants to get that "pin-up look." [The Sun]
• Joe Halderman — the CBS news producer accused of trying to extort cash from David Letterman — goes to court today for the first hearing in his criminal case. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Joe Halderman's friends are helping him pay his legal bills. [TMZ]
• Justin Timberlake has been dealing with a stalker, and submitted a statement to a judge yesterday which read: "I fear for my personal safety." He called the behavior of woman in question "ever-increasing, aggressive and harassing." [TMZ]
• At the link, James Franco talks about his upcoming stints on 30 Rock and General Hospital. Of doing a soap opera, he says: "It's been a blast so far. It was kind of mind-blowing. I've worked one day on it. It's one day of a few. But I think we packed seven episodes of my material in." He also reveals that he has not worn an eyepatch. Yet. [NY Magazine]
• Oh dear: Tracy Morgan's stand-up show at Carnegie Hall was so crazy, people walked out. And not crazy in the good way — he called homosexuality a choice and joked, "Obama is really changing the White House, because he and Michelle will have the first presidential sex tape out." [Gatecrasher]
• "Dr. Conrad Murray was on the phone with his girlfriend as Michael Jackson was dying." [TMZ]
• Joe Jackson is being meddlesome with the executors of Michael Jackson's will. [CNN]
• Naomi Campbell is going on a month-long, £1 million vacation with boyfriend Vladislav Doronin, and she is calling it a honeymoon, though they're not married. Grain of salt on this one. [The Sun]
• Levi Johnston has Tweeted: "BREAKING NEWS !!!! SNL APPEARANCE THIS SAT… you hear it first !!!" My guess is that he'll be in the news segment, but you never know — we could get a Tina Fey/Sarah Palin appearance! [MSNBC Scoop]
• Levi Johnston is reportedly going to file for joint custody of his son Tripp. [Page Six]
• Ugh. Carrie Prejean's autobiography is out so she is still in the damn spotlight. She claims the Miss California USA pageant director pressured her into getting a boob job. [Radar Online]
• By the by, Carrie Prejean says her "solo sex tape" was the biggest mistake of her life. [TMZ]
• Director Lee Daniels is not pushing for an Oscar for Precious: "It scares me," he says. When he first heard Oscar talk, "I was completely thrown off guard. I was like … Oscar who? Oscar de la Renta?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Actress Emma Thompson's art project takes viewers on 'Journey' of sex slave" [NY Daily News]
• John Travolta has to promote his new flick Old Dogs, even though he is struggling to get by since the death of his son. He says: "
  "We've been working very hard every day as a family to heal. We have our own way of doing it, and it has been helping." [USA Today]
• Congrats to Halle Berry, who will receive the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at The Hollywood Reporter's 18th annual Women in Entertainment breakfast presented by Lifetime. Past recipients include Barbara Walters, Meryl Streep, Jodie Foster and Glenn Close. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Entourage's Kevin Connolly gambles and hangs with Playmates. [Page Six]
• Donald Trump and Omarosa will be reunited for Omarosa's new dating reality show on TV One, called Omarosa's Ultimate Merger, on which she tries to choose a love interest from a selection of 12 bachelors. [Variety]
• Boo: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has been diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia. [People]
• "The only thing worse than Aerosmith with Steven Tyler is Aerosmith without Steven Tyler." [NY Post]
• Hot hottie Jason Lewis — you know, he played hottie Smith Jerrod — has been cast as the lead in a new show called Rio! He'll play an international detective (?!?!) who goes to Brazil to investigate a crime… and decides to stay after enjoying the city, its beaches and nightlife. It's Miami Vice and Magnum PI and maybe even Hawaii 5-0. Also, he's hot. [Page Six]
• Someone spilled a drink on Russell Simmons at a party. [Page Six]
• Twilight's Christian Serratos is getting naked for a PETA ad. She's 19. [Gatecrasher]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Kelly Kapowski is pregnant. [Gatecrasher]
• Whatshisname sued a tabloid magazine and won libel damages. [BBC News]
• "When you hear the phrase 'only in America,' it means something extraordinary, something extreme, something good. But if someone were to say ‘only in Britain,' it would be something damp, miserable, no, not until Wednesday and then it's unlikely." — Stephen Fry is promoting Stephen Fry In America and might come live in the U.S. [Daily Express]
• "If he wanted to go down that road he probably would have done so by now. And I think he is a very solid and faithful person." — Mel Gibson's girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, who has dated Mel and given birth while he's still legally married to his wife of 29 years. [MSNBC]
• "There wasn't going to be any more Juliet, and now there is going to be more Juliet. That's all I can say. I wish I could say more. I don't really like to be so close-lipped, but it kind of just goes with the show." — Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell. [USA Today]
• "How do I still look good? I owe 30 per cent to genes, 30 per cent to good sex, 30 per cent because of sports and healthy lifestyle with proper nutrition and for the remaining 10 per cent – I have to thank my plastic surgeon. I'm 71 and physically don't feel so good since I'm in pain. But I'm happier, the sex is better and I understand life better. I don't want to be young again." — Jane Fonda just had spine surgery, a new knee and hip made of titanium, but she had to get herself repaired because she wants to climb the Himalayas. [Telegraph]
• "I smoke weed, but I don't think it's really a drug. 'It's more of a herb. I don't regret saying that at all. I think everyone smokes weed and people who say they don't are lying! Weed has been given this evil stamp, but how is it dangerous? It's going to make you laugh your arse off? You might go to sleep? I think alcohol is much more harmful. People beat the f**k out of each other on alcohol." — Joss Stone should change her name to Joss Stoned. [Daily Mail]
• "I really enjoy acting. I like being in front of the camera. I think I should be an action star." — Serena Williams, that makes two of us. [NY Daily News]
• "Elevators scare me — just being stuck without phone service when you're alone. Small spaces are fine, if I'm with someone in an elevator fine, but I will not buy an apartment on the 14th floor of a building that's for sure, I've gotta be able to walk. … The unknown is very scary. …I'm scared of a lot of women, certain women because I guess I don't have a lot of confidence in myself, I don't know what it is." — Amanda Seyfried. [Mirror]
• "We're discovering who the enemy are, and I do think we do have an enemy. It means that everyone's got to go on fighting. And in what way you fight, well, it depends who you are… You can write a letter, you can talk about it to your congressperson… you can talk to people in bars… Or you can go on marches, or you can go and break windows." — Sir Ian McKellan on the fight for gay marriage. [Page Six]

• As predicted, Beyoncé will have a fragrance by springtime. For the rights to her name, Sasha Fierce is set to earn up to $20 million over the next three years. [WWD]

• Marc Jacobs didn't invite Madonna or Lady Gaga to his runway show — they asked to come, and he acquiesced. Would have been pretty awkward to turn your campaign model (Madonna) and after-party performer (Gaga) down. [WWD]
• In addition to doing a line that will sell exclusively on eBay, Narciso Rodriguez — who lost his financial backing last year — is doing more dresses that will retail at less than $1,000, rather than $1,800 and up, his typical price point. [WSJ]
• Carolina Herrera did a "Got Milk?" ad with her daughter. [JustJared]
• There is no better demonstration of the phenomenon of a collection becoming overexposed and untrendy before it even hits the stores than Pink and Shakira both attending the Video Music Awards in the same Balmain leather-and-chains minidress. It wasn't the label's flacks' fault, however: while Shakira borrowed the dress, Pink ordered it herself online. [WWD]
• Bee Schaffer took the place of her mother, Anna Wintour, at the Thakoon show on Monday afternoon. Is she as set on a career in the theater as she seems? It's hard to read about a thing like that without hearing Wintour's voice in The September Issue: "We'll see about that!" [NYObs]
• Freida Pinto popped up at fashion week to go to a party at the Harry Winston store. [WWD]
• "I am calm! I am a calm person!" is clearly not the kind of thing one should to have to shout, but if Russell Simmons couldn't get a seat at Charlotte Ronson, that definitely explains why I, a ticket-holder, couldn't even get into the show. [Radar]
• Rachel Zoe's QVC collection sold out within minutes. But fear not, for she of the sharp clavicle will be back on the idiot box on October 10. [People]
• Likewise, if you weren't refreshing your browser to buy Anna Sui for Target Sunday when the collection went live, you may now be out of luck. [Crain's]
• Ramona Singer, professional Housewife, is launching a jewelry line with the Home Shopping Network. [People]
• Urban Outfitters' president and founder Dick Hayne sold $50 million worth of his company shares. [TS]
• A Chinese company that embroidered the text, "In the name of God, the compassionate, the merciful" on jeans has seen its wares seized in Iran. The importers were arrested. [Guardian]
• The U.N. has recognized Indonesian batik fabric as an element of the world's cultural heritage, and added it to its Intangible Cultural Heritage list. [NYTimes]

• Michael Jackson has settled on a costume for his upcoming tour: an ensemble made entirely from Swarovski crystals. His wardrobe uses 300,000 of the sparklers. Of course, this is the man who once wore a gold-plated jacket. [WWD]

• Meanwhile at Glastonbury, the band Florence and the Machine had its outfits designed specially by Topshop. [Telegraph]
• Anna Wintour is said to have instructed Vogue petty officers to create sockpuppet accounts on Facebook to monitor fan page comments about The September Issue. [P6]
• Bucking the trend of British fashion designers returning to London Fashion Week for its anniversary, Giles Deacon has announced he'll show his Spring 2010 collection in Paris. [WWD]
• Eva Green read what you wrote about her on the Internet, but unlike Anna, she just doesn't care! "I want to wear something that I wouldn't wear every day, I like to be a bit eccentric and I know lots of people say 'Oh my god blah' but I don't care, I want to have my style, I like to try something new," said the actress, who also pines for Topshop when she's in France. [Mirror]
• 50 Cent unveiled his new fragrance, Power, at a private party in New York. While unspecific about its target audience ("Everyone human...breathing...") he did manage to shove a journalist out of his path. The way she writes it, she didn't seem to mind. Power indeed. [The Cut]
• This week sees the official previews of two dark, "intellectual" fashion ranges, heavy on the strange shapes and deconstruction, and costing around $300-$600. One is by Juicy Couture ("There is...one pair of very expensive leather leggings", but we knew that already). The other is by Comme des Garçons. Odd! [Racked] [Racked]
• Council of Fashion Designers of America menswear award winner Band of Outsiders' Scott Sternberg (who tied for the award with Calvin Klein's Italo Zucchelli) was good enough to answer some of W magazine's questions. To "Waverly Inn or Monkey Bar?" he sagely responded: "No." Asked, "Jon or Kate?" Sternberg said: "Who?" Also, Paris Hilton better not ever ask to borrow his clothes. We like him even more now. [W]
• Christy Turlington, who bagged the spring campaign, too, is coming back this fall as the face of Bally. Mario Sorrenti shot the ads. A number of fashion houses have made the choice to stick with their spring casting choices for fall. Versace re-shot Gisele in virtually the same position and dress as before, and Louis Vuitton re-hired Madonna. [WWD]
• Bar Refaeli is now the new face of Garnier Fructis. [SassyBella]
• Speaking of, L'Oréal has been found guilty of racial discrimination in French court. To market its Fructis shampoo in supermarkets, the beauty giant hired a sales staff — and was caught giving instructions in writing to a temp agency to employ only white women aged 18-22 who wear a French size 38-42. L'Oréal and the temp agency, Adecco, each have to pay fines and damages of €60,000. [Times of London]
• Models of color did not fare well at Milan menswear week. Even reliably diverse clients, like DSquared2 (which last year used an all-black cast) had virtually no faces of color on their runways. Check out these pictures to see the practically all-white casts for yourself. [FashionBombDaily]
• An Australian retail chain called Diva has ripped off a wide variety of jewelry by indie designers. [ShanaLogic]
• Let me say this again: Male modeling is just like modeling for women. Only even more poorly paid. (This article quotes 500 Euros to several thousand Euros as a typical rate for men who work the shows in Europe — and says that it's lower than what women models get. Why do reporters never keep in mind who they're asking? In this case, it's a pair of twins who started out by booking campaigns for Dolce & Gabbana. Nothing about their experience of the industry is average.) [Telegraph]
• Project Runway's Leanne Marshall wrote on her personal blog that she was unhappy with a business opportunity gone sour — but one which it was too late to pull the plug on. Discontent with retail partner Bluefly is the only logical conclusion. [Racked]
• Ex-model and PR whiz Carlos Souza has returned to the house of Valentino to try and repair its damaged reputation. Since Valentino's departure, the brand has suffered through the embarrassing ousting of the talented successor Alessandra Facchinetti, and lackluster collections designed since then by two of Valentino's former assistants. [FWD]
• Vena Cava now has a blog. [Viva Vena Cava]
• Philippe Starck has launched a new clothing line, which he describes as "non-photogenic." It's made of waterproof cashmere and designed to last a long time, which is still enough to prick our interest. [UnBeige]
• Dress Barn announced plans to buy Tween Brands Inc., which operates the Limited Too and Justice. [WSJ]
• Nike, which cut 5% of its global workforce, some 1,750 jobs in May, saw sales for the fourth quarter decline to $341.4 million, from $490.5 million the year before. Orders for the next few month are also down 12%. [AP]
• Troubled Jones Apparel Group is betting on the Asian market. It just bought a 15% stake in the Hong Kong-based retail distribution group GRI, upping its total stake in the company to 25%. [WWD]
• H&M's sales are up by 6.4% in the quarter just ended. Revenue climbed 23%. [WSJ]
• Uniqlo is talking about buying the Gap. [Independent]
• The company that owns Lacoste has chosen the former head of the European supermarket chain Carrefour to lead the brand. [WWD]

• Michelle Obama and "first tweens" Malia and Sasha skipped the health care talk President Obama gave on ABC last night and went to a Beyoncé concert instead.

Gawd, imagine sitting next to your mom while Sasha Fierce sings about Jay-Z's penis?!?! [ABC News]

• Late-breaking news: Jackie O seduced Marlon Brando? [Page Six]
• Also? Jackie may have had an affair with Bobby Kennedy? [Gatecrasher]
• Brad Pitt's mom: On Team Aniston. Insert eyeroll emoticon. [MSNBC]
• Kate Gosselin used a local lawyer when filing for divorce, but Jon Gosselin chose Charles J. Meyer, one of the Philadelphia area's most high-profile family law attorneys. [MSNBC]
• "Jon 'hurt' by Kate's remarks as she cites his weekend 'activities.'" [CNN]
• "I'm sorry. And I mean it," writes Perez Hilton. [Perez]
• Here's a mug shot of the dude who allegedly punched Perez, whom you may or may not secretly admire. [TMZ]
• Perez is suing the guy who gave him a black eye. [Page Six]
• Will.I.Am says: " would hate for my silence to be misconstrued… I do not condone harassment or violence of any kind…" [Just Jared]
• A 22-year-old drama student from the University of Indiana is planning to stage a play called The Last Days Of Heath Ledger. [Fox News]
• TMZ says it's not looking good for Farrah Fawcett. [TMZ]
• Have you seen that kid who tried to give Megan Fox a rose? You could get $5,000 if you know who he is. [Page Six]
• Russell Simmons: Seen making out with the gorgeous French actress/model Noemie Lenoir. [Page Six]
• Joy Behar's wedding: Off. How does her boyfriend feel about it? "Steve is fine," Behar says. "He says, 'Do whatever you want.'" [Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse lyrics wrapping paper and greeting cards. No, really. [The Sun]
• Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint went to a pub and got so drunk they couldn't remember the name of the film Harry Portter and The Order Of The Phoenix. [Daily Star]
• Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton wanted to smoke a cigarette in a London club and was shut down. [Daily Mail]
• Two paparazzi were robbed a few hours after they snapped pix of Robbie Williams… and argued with his entourage. Coincidence? [USA Today]
• Launching this fall: Rosie Radio on XM. Rosie O'Donnell will discuss news and entertainment and chat with guests. "I think it'll be good for me," Rosie says. [AP]
• Ryan Reynolds will star in Buried, playing a civilian contractor who's kidnapped in Iraq and awakens buried in a coffin in the desert, armed only with a cell phone, a candle and a knife. [Variety]
• The estranged daughter of Billy Bob Thornton has been indicted in the death of a one-year-old girl she was baby sitting. [AP]
• Kate Hudson is described as a "steakhouse hex," since she watched the Yankees game from a restaurant and her boyfriend's team lost. [Page Six]
• Seth Rogen "seems to have given up on his diet" since he dared to be seen "wolfing down pasta" at a "high-calorie dinner." [Page Six]
• Tatyana Ali from the Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air is in the news, yay! Oh, but she is suing a company of losing her money, boo. [TMZ]
• An auto parts store in Whittier, CA is "paying tribute" to mother of octuplets Nadya Suleman with an interesting VW display involving a mannequin and a bunch of baby dolls. Traffic-stopping image at the link. [LA Times]
• The ABBA museum: Scrapped due to a lack of cash. If you change your mind, I'm the first in line. (Not really.) [NY Times]
• Get to know Scout Taylor-Compton: She has been cast as Lita Ford in The Runaways alongside Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning. [Variety]
• Oh-Snap-Blind-Item! "Which meanspirited starlet e-mailed a co-star's sex tape to a lengthy list of mutual friends?" [Gatecrasher]
• "In 1979, I was teaching nude photography at Parsons school in New York. I needed models for the course – and one day a 20-year-old called Madonna Ciccone showed up. She was just another citizen, a girl trying to make ends meet. She was quiet, taciturn. I'm not sure it was something she enjoyed. She did it for the money, in this case $30. She was relaxed, composed, did as asked. Some people are stiff, some are there to do a job, some give a little more. She was in the middle: she did what she was told but nothing extra." — Martin Schreiber. Nude pic of her Magesty at the link. [Guardian]
• "I can't think of myself in terms of celebrity. It's just too weird. If the choice is between being constantly gawked at and sitting in a chair in a dark room, I prefer the dark room." — Johnny Depp. [Telgraph]
• "The island [I own] can be perceived as a luxury and it certainly is, but it provides me with simplicity and somewhere I can go where no one is looking at me or pointing a camera or a finger at me. I can just be: that's the importance of it. When we're there we do absolutely nothing. My kiddies don't have any toys there and they build little houses out of shells." — Johnny Depp. [Telegraph]
• "I don't feel I've ever played the same person twice. Even though I might have done a couple of comedies or a couple of romantic comedies, the characters are all very different to me," — To you, but not to us, Cameron Diaz. [Reuters]
• "To me, Mia's story's about what happens when you're never really loved in the course of your life. When nobody really takes care of you. You can end up extremely damaged. Thank God, my real life doesn't resemble poor Mia at all." — Hope Davis, on her In Treatment character. [The Daily Beast]
• "I think he's the only functional father. Lucius isn't a functional father. 'Proto' fathers Sirius and Dumbledore are dead, and there's no nice way to put that, so he's the only good image of a father really." — Mark Williams, who plays Aurthur Weasley in the Harry Potter films. [LA Times]
• "After several weeks of continued press coverage of Jon Peters' upcoming book, I want to make something very clear. I have never dated nor had a romantic relationship with Mr. Peters. My name has been continually linked to his romantic liaisons, and I want to put a stop to this lie." — Salma Hayek. [EW]
• "Best way to get over a broken heart? Listen to good music." — Zooey Deschanel, who is reportedly engaged to Ben Gibbard from Death Cab For Cutie. [Mirror]
• "I never look at myself, even in still photographs. I don't look at anything. I panic if there is a monitor in the room. I immediately go into like an anxiety attack. I'm insecure, I think most actors are pretty insecure… I'm not coping very well with all this. Really I'm insane and I don't know how to control my mouth, but I'm working on it." — Your friend Megan Fox. [Mirror]

• Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston have split after less than a year together. A source says the breakup was a result of Miley's traveling, and not Nick Jonas, although he and Miley "have been spending time together." [Us]

• Adam Lambert's debut album is set to drop in the fall. He says, "It's going to be ridiculous! Get Ready!!!" [People]
• And Lambert's "official coming out cover of Rolling Stone" apparently includes a disturbingly-placed snake. [Perez Hilton]
• Megan Fox is in favor of legalizing marijuana. If it ever happened, she says, she'd be the "first person in line to buy a pack of joints." [TMZ]
• In what is perhaps the most superficial news item ever, Heidi Montag Pratt is starting a dry shampoo line inspired by her hair care experiences on I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!. [Life & Style]
• Also, Heidi and Spencer have left the show for real this time. Hollywood publicist Michael Levine says, "the audience is also ridiculous for partnering in their absurdity." Well, yeah. [ABC]
• Adam Ant credits his comeback from "his deranged and bloated appearance" seven years ago to regular exercise and his girlfriend Clare, who makes sure he eats "only the finest healthy food." [Daily Mail]
• DJ Jazzy Jeff "stormed off the stage" at Kansas City venue Power & Light District, and later said managers stopped the show "for playin' hip hop." The managers say they just wanted him to turn the music down. [Breitbart]
• Okay, so maybe Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore didn't invite Susan Boyle to sing at their anniversary. [Telegraph]
• On September 9, Natalie Cole will give her first concert after her kidney transplant and her sister's death. [AP, via Yahoo News]
• David Carradine's ex-wife says he once suspended himself from a rope in a crucifixion position while she was giving a party. When she asked him what he was doing, he said, "I really would like a sandwich." [TMZ]
• The Thai police say the FBI can get involved in investigating Carradine's death, but only in an "observer role." [TMZ]
• And photos of Carradine's body show that the rope around his neck was knotted in the front, making it more likely his death was an accident. Apparently people who practice bondage frequently knot ropes in the front for easier release. [TMZ]
• Thirty-four-year-old Enrique Iglesias says he's not yet "mature" enough to father Anna Kournikova's children. [TMZ]
• A new play about Kurt Cobain is running in London, but will it be as good as Christopher Walken's play about Elvis? [Independent]
• Bret Michaels broke his nose and split his lip when he was hit by a falling sign at the Tony Awards, but he was apparently really nice about it. [People]
• Emeril Lagasse helped Jon and Kate Gosselin prepare a meal for their 100th episode. The menu included green bean casserole, chili macaroni, and, oddly, granola. [People]
• A Toni Braxton impersonator accused of telling a Suriname audience she was the real Toni Braxton has been acquitted. WTF. [AP, via Yahoo News]
• Mike Tyson has married his girlfriend after the death of their daughter Exodus. [Radar Online]
• Shanna Moakler surprisingly took the high road in response to Travis Barker's defamatory tweets. She had her reps tell OK!, "Shanna is not going to play out her personal relationships in the media." Her relationship to Carrie Prejean's breasts is another story.[Perez Hilton]
• Depeche Mode has resumed its tour after singer Dave Gahan's cancer surgery. [NYT]
• In potentially disturbing news for St. Lucia's youth, Amy Winehouse has pledged to help them. [Mirror]
• OK! is taking Emma Watson's statement that "there's something going on" between Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart as proof that they are together. [OK!]
• But Watson's publicist says the statement is made up! [Perez Hilton]
• Some sources say Leonardo Dicaprio and Bar Rafaeli have broken up. [People]
• Others say they are still together, but "miserable-looking." [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton loves Doug Reinhardt, but not Kim Kardashian — according to Doug Reinhardt. [E! Online]
• Anika Noni Rose says Jennifer Hudson will be a great mom. "It's been a harrowing year for her and I hope that she finds comfort, joy and support and that she can move forward with her new baby," Rose adds. [People]
• Prince reportedly needs two hip replacements, but refuses because, as a Jehovah's Witness, he can't get a blood transfusion. [Showbiz411.com]
• A tabloid reporter slyly questions whether Brooke Shields's mom really has dementia, then says he and Teri Shields were great friends and that "most of our wonderful afternoons together never resulted in a story." What a saint. [National Enquirer]
• Terrence Howard says the Obamas should go to Prague on one of their date nights, because it is "an untapped resource of love and romance," while Paris is "overused." Russell Simmons thinks they should go to a yoga studio. [Politico]
• "I went to see Andrea Bocelli last night. The first time I've been out in months. The Hollywood Bowl allowed me to use my wheelchair." — Elizabeth Taylor, via Twitter [CNN]
• "I think I'm either naive or insane to play her - maybe a little bit of both!" — Anne Hathaway, on playing Judy Garland in an upcoming biopic [Daily Express]
• "I have a body that girls can look at and go, Oh she's not anorexically skinny. She looks healthy and she's got cellulite, yeah!" — Hayden Panettiere [E! Online]
• "(These shows) are a reflection of our society. You hear kids saying that they want to be famous, and when you ask them what for, they don't know - they just want to be famous. It's like there is this lack of passion in the doing of something that that might bring you riches. When I was little, I never said I wanted to be famous, I said I wanted to be a musician." — Lenny Kravitz, on reality shows [Daily Express]
• "He violated me. I never told anybody. I just buried it as deeply as I could and kept people at an arms length. I never really let a person get too close to me. I could have been married years ago, but I had a commitment issue." — Queen Latifah, speaking out for the first time about her childhood sexual abuse [The Sun]
• "Just know that this too shall pass.… Next week, it will be someone else on the cover [of magazines] and you can go about your life." — the sage Tori Spelling, advising Jon and Kate Gosselin on their notoriety [LA Times]

[Washington, D.C., June 9. Image via Getty]

WASHINGTON - JUNE 09: Russell Simmons and Gabrielle Union attend the 'Children Uniting Nations' 4th Annual National Conference at The House Capitol Building on June 9, 2009 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Paul Morigi/Getty Images for It Girl Public Relations)

• The future will smell like Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Kanye West. (And, if I'm understanding "established female artist" correctly, Beyoncé.) [WWD]
• Kim Gordon hates it when you call some fashion thing "fierce." [The Cut]

• Meanwhile, Solange Knowles snagged a spot in the new Op campaign. That's that Wal-Mart brand that egregiously Photoshopped Rumer Willis last year. [WWD]
• Marc Jacobs' people say they have no plans to use Anne Hathaway in any future advertising. So who will be in his fall campaign, now that Posh is concentrating on her own dress line? [People]
• For Easter, why not consider Florentine Armani-branded chocolate eggs from the Armani store? They start at $15 for 3.5 oz, and if you buy one of the $145 big eggs, inside you will find a "gift", like an Armani luggage tag. [NY Times]
• Speaking of Florence, Proenza Schouler is going to show in Europe for the first time this June at the city's fashion trade fair. But it's not going to be a "show" show, says designer Lazaro Hernandez. Expect a surprise! [WWD]
• The company that makes Crocs is on the cusp of bankruptcy. This is the week it has to pay off $22.4 million in debt from its revolving credit line — and nobody believes it has the money. Ready for a wistful look back? This article connects the success of the shoes that "looked like clogs that had mated with bath mats" to 9/11 ("in 2002, America was, more than anything, a country desperately in need of comfort") and a culture that privileges being noticed over looking good. [Smart Set]
• Daniel Vosovic is in the early stages of planning the launch of an eponymous line. He plans to hit a contemporary price point (aka nice dresses for $300-$800, like 3.1 Philip Lim and Alexander Wang), and it will be made domestically. He foresees beginning with presentations, not runway shows, for cost reasons, and he wants to debut for fall/winter 2010. He also tells an adorable story about how Tim Gunn used to have a tea set in his office at Parsons, and have people in for advice and a cuppa. [The Cut]
• Michelle Obama wore fake lashes in Europe, so this writer would like to let you know about some other weapons in the eyelash product arsenal. There are lash strips, individual fake lash clumps, semi-permanently glued lash extensions, and a prescription eyedrop adapted from its original use as a treatment for glaucoma. Of that last one, it should be noted, "There has been some controversy over possible side-effects, but that is unlikely to stop women from trying it." [Times of London]
• Richie Rich: Finds doing Pammy's bidding and producing vegan clothing difficult. For his own line, he intends to do "a plus size." I would make a crack about how one probably won't suffice, but I rather suspect Rich has simply fallen into one of the most basic patterns of fashionspeak: treating plural nouns as singular. Pants become "a pant." ("We're doing a very nice pant this season.") Shoes become "the shoe." ("The shoe is very important to our customer this spring.") (Truly. See for yourself.) Throw in a few well-judged repetitions of "fabulous!" and one mention each of "fabrication" and "costing" and you'll probably pass. [The Cut]
• Expectations are that LVMH will have strong quarterly results to report next week. [WWD]
• The Savannah College of Art and Design has honored Robin Givhan — the Pulitzer-toting fashion scribe for the Washington Post — and Russell Simmons at its annual gala. [FWD]

• Agyness Deyn might try hypnotism to quit smoking. She "obviously" wants to stop so she can "settle down and have babies," says a friend of her boyfriend's. Obviously that's any woman's only consideration. [Daily Mail]

• Zac Posen will see your economic negativity and raise you an ounce of creativity. "I started my business in another trying time, right after 9/11. Everyone was saying ‘don't go into business, there's no place, there's no retail world out there.' Nobody wanted to hear about a new brand. But you create your own excitement, and you create the industry, and you create the customer, and that's what is going to get this country out of this difficult time." Yes we can wear beautiful dresses! [The Cut]
• Meanwhile a rag-tag group of former i-bankers has a crazy dream to make ugly shoes from recycled trash. Which is a kind of creativity that, environment aside, I'm not sure we need. [The Street]
• Lynn Yaeger goes to fashion week on the subway. Just. Like. I. Do. [The Cut]
• "Vivica Fox came out in this full sequined gown and she had the longest hair weave of her life. It was a shock, it was inspiring to women." If you've ever wanted to enter the mind of Christian Siriano, one good way of doing so would be to read an entire column by him. Fashion week is literally amazing, guys! [Time]
• Coco Rocha, in between attending fashion shows and walking in them, is also hosting an hour-long documentary about the lives of models during the week of weeks for E! Busy girl. [Elle]
• Kelly Cutrone had a hand in getting Ashley Alexandra Dupré to Yigal Azrouël on Friday. Yigal fired her. [NYDN]
• But Cutrone still wins for sheer audacity of media tricksterhood: she introduced Dupré to an editor at an avant-garde fashion magazine who wants to shoot the ex-callgirl, like, yesterday already. So this is how you get into Dazed and Confused. [The Cut]
• Are runways this season more diverse than last? It's looking like yes. The New York Times talks to some models from Harlem and the Bronx who are glad to see the "No ethnic models" signs retired. (The story also reminded me of how I know three models who all went to the same high school somewhere in deepest Queens. Once I told one of them I was thinking of moving to Queens and she gave me this withering look and said, "By 'Queens', you probably mean, like, Astoria, or Long Island City, don't you?" I did. But at least I know where Queens is, unlike a nameless designer in Eric Wilson's piece.) [NY Times]
• Model Sessilee Lopez eats egg McMuffins and asks to take home clothes from fashion shows. [NYDN]
• Peter Som has a fall collection, even if he didn't have a show. [Fashionista]
• An angel investor in Patrick Cox's struggling handmade shoe house was caught trying to license the Patrick Cox name and trademark for profit. [Telegraph]
• Somewhere, someone built an algorithm to analyze all the acres of type churned out in fashion week coverage, and that someone is here to tell us that this season's buzz words are "chiconomics" and "Michelle Obama." And "recessionista." [UPI]
• Anna Wintour is still talking about that sequined mini-dress The Recession made her not put in Vogue. Only now, in her mind it only cost $25,000, not $50,000. Times are hard. Anybody got any idea whose dress this might be? [WSJ]
• The May cover of Wintour's magazine might actually feature some models on it, in honor of the costume institute gala at the Met, which is model-themed this year. Online speculation points to Raquel Zimmerman, Natasha Poly, Liya Kebede, Isabeli Fontana, and Natalia Vodianova as among the final choices. [Fashionologie]
• British retailers are going to change their sizing for children's clothes because of the obesity epidemic. [Telegraph]
• Which will play right into noted obesity educator Karl "No Fat Chicks" Lagerfeld's talking points. The Kaiser also has reservations about online shopping, although this one time his assistant showed him how to order books and music on Amazon.com and it wasn't so bad, he supposes. [Portfolio]
• Nastia Liukin's line of denim isn't faring well. But her leotards, sold to other gymnasts, should keep her from the poor house. [The Cut]
• Wal-Mart isn't concerned about the souring fortunes of celeb-backed labels; it's launching a new Russell Simmons line. [WWD]
• Zooey Deschanel is also getting in on the action, with a limited-edition pair of $415 Oliver Peoples sunglasses she personally designed. My snark for this project is lessened in direct proportion to the share of the profits that will go towards victims of domestic violence. [LA Times]
• Posh's dress line has slightly lowered its prices from last season. But she's not sure if it's inspired by Mad Max or Mad Men. Either way there's a gray one with a butt ruffle. [Daily Mail]
• H&M's same-store sales beat analysts' expectations by only declining 1% on last January. This is good news. [WSJ]
• Whoa. A man in Osaka threatened 11 Uniqlo employees with a knife, tied them up with packing tape, and stole 2.5 million Yen. He was arrested as he tried to escape. [Breitbart]

• Jessica Simpson is launching a line of luggage. Because that's the image of America we want to project when we travel abroad! [People]

• Jennifer Aniston wants a beauty deal. Join the club, sister. [WWD]
• When Kimora's slashing fabulosity budgets, you know things are bad! On her subdued Baby Phat show, "Now's not the time to be running all over and flaunting the money that we don't have." [WSJ]
• Ex Russell Simmons would seem to agree: he's launching a line at Wal-Mart. [Business Week]
• Remember how last week Rachel Zoe said that designer Christopher Sauvé couldn't sell those "Bananas/I Die" tees due to trademark infringement? He's having none of it! He's starting a "free the fruit" campaign to return bananas to the people. [New York]
• Should you have a Michelle fetish and a few grand to spare, check out Jason Wu's truly lovely offerings on Net-a-Porter. [Fashionista]
• Liz Claiborne exec: "Isaac Mizrahi is a nuclear weapon." Is that...a good thing? For the flailing company's sake, we hope so! [New York Times]
• A big spread in O Magazine can't hurt: "A spokeswoman for Liz Claiborne said the brand chose O because it reaches its demographic. In the issue, more than 50 pieces will be modeled by a mix of "real" women, models and celebrities, including Veronica Webb, Becki Newton of "Ugly Betty" and fashion icon Iris Barrel Apfel. The designer has included plus and petite sizes in his collection and has kept it budget conscious. To finish each look, Liz Claiborne is selling coordinated shoes, bags, jewelry and lingerie."[WWD]
• David Gandy is as modest as he is beautiful. Quoth the British model, "Why would anybody want to look at my body?...How can a man be pretty? Flowers and women are pretty. Men are not". We respectfully disagree. [Fashionista]
• Wal-Mart's move to New York could screw some of their vendors. Good plan, though: we're sure the cost of living is way cheaper here than in Bentonville, Arkansas! [Business Week]
• We're not sure how psyched we are about the Jay McCarroll Fashion Week documentary. On the one hand: his last doc was a bit sad, what with Heidi blowing him off and everything. On the other: it's as much Runway as we're getting! [Reuters]
• Jenna Lyons, the creative director of J. Crew, obviously has great timing and a lot of skill. But...we're confused by the deliberate hole in the knee of the jeans she's pictured wearing. [Observer]
• The new Zappos ads: "Underpants-clad customers are pictured either standing in a Zappos box or walking into one. Putting on their best Vanna Whites for the camera, they either reveal their purchases or lift the box over themselves — at which point they are suddenly transformed into fully-dressed Citizens of Society." Hehe. Underpants. [AdRants]
• Speaking of skivvies: OMG the Herry Hall Cherie-inspired Chanel ads are out and are they rad! (We're assuming they're ignoring the sequel in which Cherie commits suicide.) [New York]
• Meanwhile, Chanel's mastermind, Karl Lagerfeld, doesn't dig the internet. Quoth the Kaiser, the web doesn't project "the unique feel and sophistication of luxury materials, refined tailoring and extraordinary attention to detail found in luxury fashion." But can luxury fashion show Christian Bale ranting?! [WSJ]
• THE BARBIE COUTURE IS HERE. Okay, sketches, but still. [AP]
• Anna Sui: "It's survival of the fittest at this point." We'll back the iconic iconoclast in any Darwinian struggle! [NYT]
• Says the head of struggling label Five Four, "I want to create our generation's Polo. You can't be a megabrand in the U.S. today if you're selling a woven shirt for $200...I think the concept of luxury is passé." [WSJ]
• Rachel Roy's current motto? "Strength and courage." [Glam.com]

• Etta James says when she was ripping Beyoncé about singing "At Last" for the President, "I didn't really mean anything…"

"Even as a little child, I've always had that comedian kind of attitude." Sure, sure. [The Life Files via NY Daily News, ONTD]

• The Obamas were reportedly "stunned" by Etta James' remarks. [TMZ]
• The Times asks, re: Heath Ledger, "So how do you run an Oscar campaign for someone who is no longer with us?" [NY Times]
• Angelina Jolie will produce a film called Resilient, in which Mariane Pearl will interview five women who have overcome odds to bring change to their communities. That's right, Saint Angie has six kids and a movie to create, get out of her way. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Ryan Reynolds looks Photoshopped into waxy zombie territory on the cover of Men's Health. But good for him for running a marathon to raise funds for Parkinson's. [Socialite Life]
• Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil's divorce could get nasty: Blake Incarcerated is "compiling a dossier" of all the dudes Amy slept with and wants them to testify to prove that Amy was unfaithful during their marriage. What kind of fuckery is this? [The London Paper]
• Paris Hilton's brother Barron is being sued by a dude he struck with his car at a gas station a year ago. [TMZ]
• Apparently Kate Hudson's new guy, Aussie golfer Adam Scott, is better for her than Owen Wilson, because Owen would "point out her imperfections all the time" and Kate would always seen pictures of Owen with other women in magazines. Also: Adam is hot. [E!]
• Here's the Sarah Jessica Parker story from Bazaar. SJP talks about being Carrie Bradshaw: "I got to wear such incredible things, and you make such mistakes and there's such hits and great triumphs and there's incredible wrong, wrong, wrong. But it's so much fun." Oh! And she wore an Alexander McQueen dress to an SATC event in New York: "I actually had to cut myself out of that dress that night. My husband was out of town, so I was alone when I got home, and I couldn't unzip it. So…I got out the scissors." [Bazaar]
• Oh, God: Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman just signed on for a romcom called The Baster. They'll play best friends, but when he learns she's gonna get pregnant through artificial insemination, he replaces the donor's semen with his own. This is not a joke. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's Lily Allen dressed as a boy in a spoof of a chocolate commercial. [Daily Mail]
• In this article, Liv Tyler invites the interviewer back to her house and talks about the "sad parts" — empty spaces where her ex-husband has moved out. [Wonderland Magazine]
• Whoops! The BBC aired Christian Bale's infamous tirade without bleeping out the swearing. [The Star]
• Fantasia plans to get her high school degree — she dropped out of the ninth grade about ten years ago. "I've been talking about it for so long," she says. "I have a lot of young people who look up to me, like my 15-year-old brother and 7-year-old daughter. It's something that I really need to do and that I want to do." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Guy Ritchie: Seen singing show tunes in a gay bar. [Page Six]
• We've heard this before but here it is again: Lily Allen couldn't stay with her 45-year-old boyfriend because the sex was bad. [Mirror]
• Long interview with Justin Long, promoting He's Just Not That Into You. Guess what? He's not like his character. "I'm not good at reading signs - I don't like deciphering. I don't like to play the games, like 'When am I supposed to call?' " he says. [USA Today]
• Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell are in luuuuuv. [Daily Mail]
• Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are selling their San Antonio home for about $900,000. Take a slideshow tour and check out the pretty pool and basketball court! [WSJ]
• Dev Patel, who has been nominated for a Best Actor Bafta, says of Slumdog Millionaire: "It has never claimed to be a documentary. It is a movie. It is entertainment. I spent five months out here filming and really got a chance to see the slums close up and I think the film depicts them accurately enough. Mumbai really is a city of extreme contrasts. If you step out of a five-star hotel here you can be facing a slum." [Telegraph]
• Speaking of Dev Patel, he and Freida Pinto were about to be on Tyra's show when a woman in the audience had a seizure. They signed a copy of the Slumdog soundtrack and slipped it to her as she sped off in an ambulance. Music heals, you guys. [Page Six]
• Soap operas are wiping out top stars because the economic downturn means they can't pay the actors. Days Of Our Lives lost four couples! [NY Post]
• Another day, another story about John Cleese's package. [Page Six]
• Kelly Cutrone, whom you may have seen on The City or The Hills, is getting a reality show based on her fashion PR company. Expect dramz! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which young magazine editor dispenses bags of blow to Hollywood starlets so they can be 'extra up' for the photo shoots he arranges?" [Gatecrasher]
• Paris Hilton chatted Fergie up about her wedding and honeymoon, but when Fergalicious walked away, Paris quipped to sister Nicky, "Ha, my engagement ring was bigger!" This paper points out: Yeah, Paris, but which one of you is actually married? [Gatecrasher]
• Russell Simmons has a juicy new squeeze, and she is a grapefruit heiress. [Gatecrasher]
• The new Gossip Girl plotline will be very similar to Anne Hathaway's love life: A hottie swindler will sweep Serena off her feet. [Gatecrasher]
• Jade Jagger is married, according to her Facebook status. Also, she started a music, fashion and art company called, uh, Jezebel. Her middle name. [Daily Mail]
• Will Val Kilmer run for governor of New Mexico in 2010? He says probably! "What I do for a living is listen. If I run, I'm going to be the next governor." [CBS News via AP]
• "I used to have claustrophobia inside the cinema because I didn't like it in the dark. I missed out on films as a kid. Now I'm better watching films on DVD with friends around than on my own. — Judi Dench. And! "The difference between theatre and cinema is that once you've done a film, it's over. With Nine, two days after I'd recorded my singing part, I did the performance I felt I should've done – in my bathroom." [Daily Express]
• "We haven't found any reason to stop yet. It's chaos at times, but there's such joy in the house. We have the capability to give a child a home and, let me tell you, it's selfish too because the reward has been extraordinary. [Twins are] just double the fun. It's surprising how soon their personalities have started emerging. But it's really important that everyone gets their individual time as well as group time together, and that's a big focus of ours. We were four before, and we got into our rhythms and it worked – but everyone's pretty well integrated." — Brad Pitt, on adding kids to his brood. [Mirror]
• "I've tried, but I'm just not into text sex. You only have a few lines to get your point across, and I don't like that. I also don't know who my text-sex partner is showing my messages to. I could be viewed as a text slut through no fault of my own." — Ginnifer Goodwin. [Gatecrasher]
• "Gigi is the closest I've ever come to playing myself. I've never been interested in playing someone so like myself. But I fell in love with her. I humiliate myself on a daily basis. I have been known to Google-stalk. I've certainly caught myself flirting in such a way that I feel nauseous afterward when I think of what I said. And I'm so guilty of the long linger." — Ginnifer Goodwin, on her character in He's Just Not That Into You. [USA Today]
• "You're pretending you're feeling the same emotion as when you wrote the song. I'm not trying to have pretend good sex, I'm trying to have good sex." — Duffy, on her tactic when filming music videos. [The Sun]
• "Angelina and I are together because we can enhance each other. I don't want to waste any time because I'm with company I really, really love." — Brad Pitt. [Mirror]
• "It's a great job, but it doesn't leave time for what's important, like having a family. I want to live in the country and have a walled garden with chickens and pigs." — Lily Allen, on being a pop star. [Mirror]
• "I was kind of seeing this guy and then it was over. So I texted my godmother in Jamaica and told her and as a joke I said, 'Maybe my next conquest should be Simon Cowell.' You know when someone is in your mind and you accidentally text them? He replied, 'Sorry?'" — Lily Allen, on accidentally propositioning Simon Cowell. [The Sun]
• "My son! My husband! Food! Oh, fashion? I don't know. A good bra?" — What Sarah Jessica Parker can't live without. [Bazaar]
• "I think pop culture has done a number on creativity, because for me to make that statement [that I'm into acting], I get the reaction: 'Really?' It's like, 'Yeah, why wouldn't I?' The opportunity is there. It's sort of like, I have a day job, and this becomes a hobby (that) I can plunge into with full creative eagerness." — Justin Timberlake, to Katie Couric. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I stopped reading all fashion and trash magazines. I don't want to be influenced any more by what's in and what's out and what makes somebody cool or not cool. In the middle of the night I'd go and take a pee, and on the bathroom floor would be a magazine, and I found myself memorizing banal headlines like 500 Best Black Tops. So I read only books – A Farewell To Arms, it's a heartbreaker, oh god – and decoration magazines." — Liv Tyler. [Wonderland Magazine]
• "I have to say really, I feel better than I ever felt in my life. I did have a moment, though, over the weekend my first like huh… I don't want to [turn 40]. I found a really long gray hair and it kind of flipped me out. It's not my first but it's the fact that it was so long. I was like, 'Oh that's been there. How many others are there, and what does that mean? It actually brought me to tears slightly." — Jennifer Aniston, on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. [People]

• Guy Richie will not fight ex-wife Madonna's plans to move their children to the United States, claiming that he would rather keep his children together than tear them apart with a nasty custody battle. [Mirror]

• ""It is quite simple in Guy's eyes - Rocco comes before him. He has always put Rocco and David's future ahead of his own and this is why he has relented," says a source, "He is adamant he wants to keep the boys and their sister Lourdes together. He does not want to tear them apart from each other. Guy is telling Rocco and David he will still see them a lot.He is already making plans to visit the children in America and looking at the possibility of them having holidays in England."[Mirror]
• Nick Lachey is the latest member of the "Leave Jessica Alone!" brigade: "I can't believe it's this big of a story and people are making such a huge deal about it. I'm never ceased to be amazed by people's reaction to things," Lachey says, "I hope she's happy, whatever size she comes in. I wish her nothing but the best." [People]
• And Heidi Klum agrees with him: "there are always people who are quick to offer an opinion and when you are in the public eye, people will always talk about you and put their opinions on you. That's what you get when you're in the public eye. But people need to be happy with the way they are." [People]
• As does Simpson's brother-in-law, Pete Wentz: "I think the media puts too harsh of a spotlight on women in general and I think it's a bummer. It's bad for young women. I see it affecting young girls who come to our shows and that's a bummer. Real beauty is on the inside, man." [NME]
• Is Katie Holmes afraid to leave Tom Cruise? A source says yes: "As much as Tom loves her now, Katie believes that if she left him, he'd make it difficult for her to see their daughter Suri. She's already seen how that would play out - because after Tom and Nicole Kidman divorced, he pretty much took control of their two children. Before Tom, she always had loads of friends and loved to go out. Now she must feel like she's living Tom's life, not her own."[ShowbizSpy]
• Uh-oh: did 30 Rock steal material from the Sarah Silverman Program?[Videogum]
• Britney Spears' father, Jamie, has just filed restraining orders against Britney's ex-boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, and ex-manager, Sam Lutfi, claiming that the two men "are now working in concert to disrupt the conservatorship with utter disregard for Ms. Spears's health and well being." [People]
• Tom Jones is keeping it classy on his new tour, ladies: the singer says he's stopped dyeing his hair and won't be encouraging the underwear tossing that has dominated his past shows. "I don't capitalize on it as much as I used to," Jones says,"I used to pick it up and do shtick with it and all that, which I stopped doing because it was encouraging it." [AP]
• Amy Adams is still trying to balance celebrity and her everyday life: "I'll pick up my allergy medication and the pharmacist will say, 'I love you'. I'll be like, 'I'm just glad I'm not picking up something embarrassing.' Suddenly you realise you're not a private person any more. It's okay, just jarring, to realise that everything you do can be scrutinised or evaluated. But don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for where I'm at."[Independent]
• Kimora Lee Simmons, who recently announced her pregnancy with Djimon Hounsou, has finally finalized her divorce from (now) ex-husband Russell. Yahoo]
• Evangeline Lilly is auctioning off a line of lingerie on Ebay to support Task Brazil, a charity that "provides housing, aid and guidance to children and teens living on the streets of the South American nation." Lilly says: "Here on eBay I'm offering beautiful, Brazilian-made lingerie as a fun, enticing way for you to not only invest in yourself but in the poor and abandoned children of Brazil." [E!]
• Steve Martin: Action Star? "I've always dreamed of doing an action movie," Martin says, "I'm very proud of the movies I've done and I have done some action scenes but I would have loved to have gone all out with all guns blazing like those guys, just once."[ShowbizSpy]
• Sex and the City creator Michael Patrick King admits that he had to fight to cast Jennifer Hudson in the first film: "It can't be called Sex and the City without a little color—it's just wrong," King says, "Women are very nice when they figure out who I am. And the only negative comment I ever got about the series was every now and then, some woman of color—whether it'd be Latina or an African-American—they'd stop and say, 'Where are the sisters?' in my ear, and I was like, 'Yeah, where are they?'"[Yahoo]
• My 7th grade love, Val Kilmer, will be the celebrity king of the Krewe of Bacchus parade in New Orleans on Feb. 22. [AP]
• Taylor Swift had to deal with some serious Mean Girls growing up: "I had a group of friends when I was about 12. [Then] they all just decided they didn't wanna hang out with me anymore. I would go and sit down at the lunch table with my friends. And they would get up and move their trays to another table," Swift tells Katie Couric. Maybe because you wore sweatpants? Or a ponytail more than once a week? [CBS]
• Robert Pattinson continues his "answering dumb questions with even dumber answers tour," claiming that he doesn't like to tell people he's an actor because "It's kinda cheesy, so I prefer to say I do something else. I don't like the word 'acting'. I prefer the word 'creating,' because I want to build a character with an idea that turns into something that people will remember." Oh, dude. Dude! Stop it![ShowbizSpy]
• DMX, or as I like to call him, Mr. Earl Simmons, has been sentenced to 90 days in jail for various charges, including animal cruelty. Goodbye, Earl! [Mirror]
• And finally, in beautiful people news, Brad Pitt admits that his life is chaotic, but he loves every minute of it: "It's chaos at times, but there's such joy in the house," Pitt says. And as for the lady in his life? "Angelina and I are together because we can enhance each other. I don't want to waste any time because I'm with company I really, really love." He then added, "I'm sevvvven, but I look a lot olllderrr." Ok no, that was me. I can't stop doing my Benjamin Button impression, you guys. It's becoming a serious problem. It's starting to scarrrre myyy dogggg. [People]

• Sources say Paula Abdul is basically done with American Idol. Just like when she sees a mediocre contestant, it's all: "Thank you, but no." [MSNBC Scoop]

• Former American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe says maybe it was the producers' fault that "stalker" Paula Goodspeed ended up in the same room with Abdul on the show: "We've seen over 700,000 contestants. And one has made a terrible, terrible mistake." [People]
• Macaulay Culkin's sister Dakota died yesterday in a terrible traffic accident in L.A.; she stepped off a curb and was struck by a car. [TMZ]
• Scarlett Johansson talks about hubs Ryan Reynolds: "Getting married is a huge moment in anyone's life, and the few months leading up to it were a little crazy. But Ryan and I are in love, and we're enjoying evolving our relationship together. I feel that my life and my work are heading in the right direction." Also? They're both very romantic. Just so you know. [Perez Hilton]
• Holy sunglasses! Stevie Wonder might be the next contestant on Dancing With The Stars. Stevie sez: "It'd be fun. It's not impossible, but right now it's just a thought… Come on. You've got to think. If I have 7 children, I've got to be able to dance right?" [Perez Hilton]
• Oooh, a book exposing secrets about Martha Stewart? Written by a member of her own family? Intimate details of Martha's boozing, eating and crying binges… the stars she hates, what really happened in prison and her "special" lady friend. A good thing? [Jossip]
• Tom Cruise's new flick, Valkyrie: Reviews are meh. Not good for a $90 million picture. [Fox 411]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty are still going strong; they were seen checking out some rock show in Hollywood. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Watch Sienna miller act like a mental patient as she wanders around in a hospital gown and smears blood on a wall in this video by UK band The Hours. Deep. [Just Jared]
• Mariah Carey's world tour is canceled. Bun in oven? [Perez Hilton]
• Britney's kid burped while she was wishing people Merry Christmas in a video or her site. Charming! [People]
• Heath Ledger's family is "so proud" the actor got a Golden Globe nomination for The Dark Knight. [People]
• There's a London couple being sentenced for supplying drugs to a "hit list" of celebs including — wait for it — Amy Winehouse. [The Star]
• "Of the 90 or so actors to grace the Saturday Night Live stage since its first show in 1975, only eight have been African-American." Boo. And ridiculous. [Gatecrasher]
• Here's everything you never wanted to know about how Samantha Ronson is suing the lawyer she hired to stop Perez Hilton from spreading rumors about her and how the lawyer is suing her right back and how blogs are writing about the whole thing. [LA Times]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are joining the cast of Classic Stage Company’s production of Uncle Vanya. Pretty daamn cute, being in a plaay together. [NY Times]
• Ugly Betty's Ashley Jensen is suing the host of Bravo's Flipping Out, Jeff Lewis over "aggressive threats and outrageous behavior." [TMZ]
• We've heard this one before but here it is again: Seal says Heidi Klum told him she was pregnant after their first date. "I laughed and said, 'Already? That’s amazing!' She said, 'Not with you stupid.' There was a pause of about 10 seconds," Seal says, "and I said, 'It doesn’t change the way I feel about you because the fact that you are here tells me that you think a lot about me.'" [Mirror]
• Enrique Inglesias groped a 17-year-old girl on stage in London while singing to her. Well, he put his hand on her heart. But that is kind of close to some other stuff. The young lady in question, Maria from Essex says: "I had such an amazing night. I'll never forget it. It felt like a dream. He's so hot." [Mirror]
• Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham is coming back to primetime! Look for her in an ABC comedy from writer Alex Herschlag (Will and Grace) about a self-help guru who teaches women how to live a stress-free life — but struggles to follow her own advice when her boyfriend dumps her. [Variety]
• Eminem and Dr. Dre are back in the studio, and Em says he and his mentor are "up to our old mischievous ways." Good news. [Reuters]
• Real estate drama between Nicolette Sheridan and former fiancé Michael Bolton: Dude is homeless! [Page Six]
• Did Gwyneth Paltrow have a boob job? [Page Six]
• Axl Rose is anthropophobic — afraid of people. Some people are probably quite Axlphobic. [Page Six]
• If you smell the pungent scent of marijuana, know this: Willie Nelson cannot be far away. [Page Six]
• Kim Raver's heading to Ethiopia for UNICEF. [Page Six]
• Whitney Port has finally discovered that L.A. guys are trolls and New York guys are "more confident and know what they want." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rehabbed starlet convinced a group of college kids to bring her a big bag of powder? She hoarded all the drugs for herself before kicking the kids out of her hotel. But the crew had the last laugh - they stole her entire liquor stash as they left." [Gatecrasher]
• Rihanna and Kelly Osbourne are coaching Nicole Richie as she prepares to release her debut album? Does this mean corsets and "Papa Don't Preach"? [Daily News]
• ALL 13 streets on a new £400million estate are being named after Rolling Stones hits. [The Sun]
• "I've heard stories from my aunts and uncles and my dad, I had an attitude about Germans, a prejudice about them. I speak several languages and I'm interested in languages. I can read a German paper slowly and can almost figure it out, yet I don't speak German and I realize I don't want to speak German. I don't like the way it sounds and I don't like being in Germany. By playing a German and trying to be honest about it I sort of got past that prejudice and judgment... Germans are people too!" — Viggo Mortensen. [Daily Express]
• "Mental disease is the only thing you can be diagnosed with and get yelled at for having. Why is that? From the moment I was diagnosed there was a certain sense of euphoria and 'Thank God' we figured this out. I thought that I'd become such a curmudgeon." — The Sopranos' Joe Pantoliano, who was miserable despite the success and family he'd always wanted. (He was diagnosed with clinical depression.) [AP]
• "I loved her, no question, in the proper platonic sense but, yes, I loved her. We were filming one day and I kept her waiting on set because I was still in my caravan, playing cards. She stormed in and shouted: 'You are a real nut and I've met some nuts in my day.' And then she hit me. A couple of hours later, I went to see her and gave her a present to say I was sorry for keeping her waiting. She said: 'Don't worry, pig. I only hit the people I love.'" — Peter O'Toole on Katharine Hepburn. [Daily Mail]
• "Some people believe that if you date a person from another race you are somehow denying who you are. They believe that dating someone with a different skin color somehow makes you a self-hater, loathing that which makes you yourself. They believe that it's an insult to your parents, ancestors, heritage and community. I find this view much more telling about the people who say this than about those who do find a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional connection with someone who looks different than themselves. Choosing someone who I am physically attracted to and who also inspires, uplifts, educates and keeps me interested is my first priority- not their race." — Russell Simmons. [ONTD]
• "I've never played super-dark in a film. I think I'd be curious to do it. If a character comes along that I find really compelling and it works out that the director wants to go that direction with me, I'm totally willing to try. I've actually auditioned, but I think people have a hard time making the leap from — I don't want to use this as a cop-out, but my energy is not dark, my being is not dark. Oh, gosh — I can be very dark… I become very Eeyore." — Amy Adams. [Washington Post]
• "WHAT I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day" - Phyllis Diller in Bruce Littlefield's book, Merry Christmas, America!. [Page Six]
• "I have excellent facilities for ablutions, should you ever tire of the sweating and such. I'd be happy to scrub your back - from a safe distance." "We could meet early evening and bolster your rightly damaged ego with orgasms." "Come and see me in the daytime. We could generate a satanic infant." — text messages to ladies from Russell Brand. [Gatecrasher]

[Miami, November 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Russell Simmons may be vegan but admits, “my clothes are not especially animal-friendly." [BlackBook]
• In a somehow perfect/distasteful marriage, Gwen Stefani and L.A.M.B. will be designing the uniforms for W Hotel employees. [Portfolio]
• We've been burned by Target's accessories collabs before, but hopes are running high for the Sigerson Morrison-Anya Hindmarch double whammy! Pics! [FabSugar]
• Some dick crashes the shows at Fashion Week; heckles; makes racist jokes; kills. [NYC The Blog]
• Baby Dior. 'Nuff said. [The Life Files]

• Phew! Lydia Hearst's kidney stones won't be keeping her off the runway: the "leggy trooper" is determined to walk. [NY Post]
• Marc Jacobs enjoys the freedom of kilts: "I was just recently fascinated by the whole men-in-skirts controversy of the nineties. No. I got one and I started wearing it and it made me happy, so I bought more. And now I just can't stop wearing them." [NY Post]
• NPR discovers that people are interested in political fashion. [NPR]
• Which is good, cause apparently there's a political tee "arms race" afoot! "A search on the site for Sarah Palin already yields more than 2,500 results. John McCain gets about 9,000, and Barack Obama about 20,000 (Joe Biden paraphernalia is in very short supply.)" [LA Times]
• Kate Moss has cut her hair. [ElleUK]
• Agyness deep-conditions her newly-bobbed coif. "Yeah… or else they’d fall out! Because I bleach them. I go to Laurie Foley." [Elle]
• And if this makes you admire Agyness enough to totally trivialize the election, why, you can wear a political button supporting her "candidacy!" "Modelinia.com created these buttons with slogans like “Vote for the Stam,” “Cast a Tally for Ally,” and “Coco 2008,” all for the week’s most popular models to match this year’s political theme." [Fashion Week Daily]
• Fast Fashion Cheat Sheet. [Esquire]
• Laetitia Casta is the face of "Notorious," Ralph Lauren's newest women's fragrance. [UPI]
• WHEN WILL TOP SHOP NEW YORK OPEN? STOP TAUNTING US! [NY Mag]
• Monique Lhuillier's fashion week caffeine consumption: "I've been getting between four to seven hours of sleep, and I've been drinking 4 cups of coffee on average during show prep. Normally, I barely have one!" [Elle]
• Model Miranda Kerr's mom may be a savvy business manager but, "We talk every day and she texts me every time she gets on a plane and lands again to say she's safe. It's important for our peace of mind. She's still our only little girl." [News.com.au]
• To appeal to European women, Nike swaps the aggressive "Just Do It" for the vague "Here I Am." [WSJ]
• Fashionistas talk recession: Says one critic, "I don't think enough designers are thinking about it. The clothes we've seen so far have been embroidered and beaded or very elaborate, and they only mean something to the top one-thousandth percent of the population." [Slate]
• Irina Lazareanu is giving Fashion Week a pass to work on this alleged "album with Sean Lennon" that's been in the works since they were a couple. [WWD]
• No one knows what to make of the new trend in shiny happy moddles. [IHT]
• Hey, want a $1,000 tote bag? "To mark Vanity Fair’s Campaign New York, Lambertson Truex teamed up with artist Donald Baechler to create a limited edition tote. The bag features a print that is the background of one of Baechler’s paintings." Oh, well in that case! [WWD]
• That Blahnik that Big proposed to Carrie with is selling at Bergdorf's. For $945. Manolo will be there to autograph said shoes. The sad thing is, you just know they're gonna fly. [NY Times]
• Yoga outfitter Lululemon beats the recession blues. [WWD]

• Michael Phelps will host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. Um, swimming skits? Will you watch if he's not bare-chested? Just asking. [Yahoo News]
• Lindsay Lohan responds to the stuff her dad's been saying: "He’s out of control. I want him to stop hurting and talking to the media about the people I love." [Perez Hilton]
• Sam Ronson responds to LL's dad too: "i really don't want to say anything because i feel like he wins- he, being the man who is so desperate for attention that he goes to the media whenever possible… i am not the reason that he has no contact with his daughter… i feel no need to publicly defend my role in lindsay's life… i'm just sorry that she likes me more than him… i'm not the one that is so lost that i need to use my relationship with lindsay to earn a living…" There's more! [Perez Hilton]
• Hilary Duff's dad was sentenced to 10 days in jail for contempt of court for violating a court order that prohibited him from selling off assets without the consent of his estranged wife, Susan. Susan was requesting $25,000 to celebrate Hilary's 21st birthday (9/28), and pretty much calling Bob Duff a deadbeat dad for not paying up. On one hand, surely Hilary has her own cash? On the other hand, a father has to do what a father is legally obligated to do. He was taken from the courtroom in handcuffs… [Yahoo News]

• No Britney at the MTV Awards? "Contrary to media reports, Britney was never slated to perform on this year's VMAs," Brit's manager, Larry Rudolph, says. "She's in the middle of recording her next album, which is going amazingly well, and her focus remains on the studio." So why was she in the commercials with Russell Brand and an elephant? Is this an elaborate ruse? [AP]
• Ladies, listen up: Gerard Butler likes women to make the first move. "I am for equal opportunities. Why should it be the guy's job to kiss? If a woman wants to kiss she should totally do that. I think it is awesome when women take the lead. I love that idea." Oh and click the link to see a very nice (and by nice I mean shirtless) pic. [ONTD]
• Woody Allen had dinner with Jennifer Aniston. Could she replace Scarlett Johansson as his new film muse? [Yahoo News]
• Solange Knowles: "I have to say, that was not a very professional introduction before. Please don’t tie me into family and my brother-in-law’s establishment." News anchor: "That wasn't live, Solange. That wasn't on live TV." Yes, there is video. [Just Jared]
• Kate Moss naked in Interview magazine. [The.Life Files]
• Britney may not be at the MTV awards, but Katy Perry will be. And MTV producers are looking for a lady she can kiss while she sings, "I Kissed A Girl." They want Lindsay Lohan. Think it's gonna happen? [E!]
• Salma Hayek's ex-fiancé and baby daddy, billionaire heir François-Henri Pinault, has a new ladyfriend, equestrian Virginie Couperie. Here are pictures of them enjoying a "saucy holiday romp in Tuscany." The ONTD commenters have proclaimed Virginie a "downgrade." [Rush & Molloy]
• Naomi Campbell's beau, Russian billionaire Vladimir Doronin dropped $18.5 million on a penthouse apartment for Naomi in Sao Paolo. She's thinking of settling down in Brazil. [Page Six]
• So you know how there's a transgender contestant this cycle on America's Next Top Model? Janice Dickinson says: "I did it on my show first with Claudia (Charriez). But you know what? There’s not going to be a moment where Tyra’s not going to knock me off, so I’m not bothered by her." [MSNBC]
• Bonnie Hunt says her new show will be "full of humor and definitely accessibility, curiosity and spontaneity." She also says: "It's not so much celebrating other people's bad moments in daytime television, which has been a trend for a long time, but almost celebrating what really makes us laugh, what makes us feel very human and normal at the top of who we are, not necessarily at the bottom of who we are." [Reuters]
• Ben Affleck's been texting buddy/new dad Matt Damon from the DNC and Matt and his wife are "thrilled" about their new daughter, FYI. [People]
• Some dude has rammed his car into the gates of the Playboy Mansion twice in the last two weeks, according to the LAPD. Think he's trying to get to the grotto? [LA Times]
• Suge Knight was arrested and charged with assault after punching his girlfriend and pulling a knife on her. Death Row, indeed. [Reuters]
• Tori Spelling may not be appearing on the new 90210, but what about 42-year-old Luke Perry? The new ladies in the cast say: "Oh. My. God. I love Dylan McKay" and "Are you kidding me? He's an amazing-looking man. Sexy!" Oh, and in unrelated news, new 9er AnnaLynne McCord, who played Eden on Nip/Tuck likes guns. "My birthday is next week and I'm getting the 380 Ruger and a .38 revolver." [Yahoo News]
• Oh, and the new 90210 might be pretty racy. Shannen Doherty says: "All I know is there's a girl giving a guy a blow job in the first episode." Doherty and Jennie Garth both dish in this interview. [EW, ONTD]
• A retired sheriff allegedly broke into Chris Cornell's home, wandered from room to room and urinated in a corner. He was hired by Cornell's ex-wife as a process server. Talk about pissed off. [TMZ]
• Relations between Madonna and Elton John have been frosty since he accused her of lip-syncing four years ago. But! He went to her concert in Nice last night and they totes made up and are homies again, though Elton cracked, "I'll be found dead of uranium poisoning in three days." [Mirror]
• Russell Simmons told his yoga teacher her classes had gotten too easy and were for "pussies," so she amped it up; he was seen collapsing into the fetal position. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss's neighbors are in a spot of bother about a large crack that has appeared in the wall bordering her back garden. The wall could collapse, etc. Also, the paper just wanted to make "Kate Moss Crack Problem" jokes. [Mirror]
• Jerry Seinfeld's lawyers read papers in court yesterday claiming that Jerry did not slander the woman who accused his wife of ripping off her cookbook. He was just trying to get laughs, mocking frivolous lawsuits. His lawyers are trying to get the defamation suit against him tossed out; Jerry called author Missy Chase Lapine a "wacko" and "mentally unhinged celebrity stalker." [NY Post]
• Paul McCartney will perform in Israel for the first time, more than 40 years after the Beatles were blocked from giving a concert in the country. [Reuters]
• Steve Foley, who played drums with the Replacements, has died. He was 49. He accidentally overdosed on prescription medication. [Reuters]
• Neil Diamond performed earlier this week and his voice was raspy, so he's offering the audience at the Ohio concert a refund. Build me up, buttercup! [Reuters]
• A toxicology test has been ordered in the death of Dr. Dre's son. [People]
• "I haven't had this much fun since my ex-mother-in-law fell in a well" — Janice Dickinson, as she danced with models, celebrating the new season of her show. [Page Six]
• "I'm no Meryl Streep." — Kim Kardashian. [USA Today]
• "Just be polite. Listen to them and give them anything they want. You can't go wrong." Pete Doherty on picking up chicks. [Mirror]
• "[Miley Cyrus] is just a little too tarty, forgive me. I don’t want her to look like she’s going into a convent school, but it’s just a little too much for a 15-year-old. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was 25." — Tim Gunn. [MNSBC]
• "I couldn't do what Brad and Angie are doing. I wouldn't have the patience or dedication you need to take care of a family. I admire those qualities in other people but it's not for me. I'm doing exactly what I want to. I hang out with the same friends, I spend time in Italy, and then I go back to work. I try not to worry about anything else." — George Clooney. [Mirror]

• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham was on a plane with kids Romeo and Cruz when a bird flew into one the of the aircraft's engines right before take-off. According to The Sun, "Passengers screamed as the pilot slammed on the brakes and the plane screeched to a halt. It was then that the horrifying scale of the disaster really hit home for Victoria — she realised she was wearing standard-issue aircraft pyjamas and no make-up." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse hit her own damn bodyguard. Get a grip, girl! [The Sun]
• And here's a man who says Amy Winehouse punched him in the face three times at a pub. Is this new news? It's so hard to tell. [The Sun]
• Jamie Lynn Spears and new baby! Picture! [ONTD, via OK!]
• Is Mary-Kate Olsen heading back to rehab? Midweek Madness will have more on this later. [Star]

• Madonna is pissed that lawyers are saying her relationship with Alex Rodriguez is "an affair of the heart." [The Sun]
• The New York Post points out: "Yesterday's Times reported, 'Madonna has denied having an affair with Rodriguez.' In actuality, the hair-splitting statement issued in her name said she is 'not romantically involved with [Alex] Rodriguez.' As many readers of this newspaper know, you don't have to be romantically involved to have an affair." [Page Six]
• When Lenny Kravitz learned he was being accused of having an extramarital affair with Alex Rodriguez's wife, Cynthia, he "looked like he was going to throw up," according to a witness. Apparently Lenny fired Guy Oseary, who then planted the Cynthia Rodriguez story in retaliation. Messy! [Page Six]
• Alex Rodriguez was seen having lunch with Rabbi Michael Berg, the director of the Kabbalah Centre. What does it all meeaaaaaaaaaaan? [People]
• The Britney/Madonna video will be "very deep." [ONTD]
• Matthew McConaughey's little surfer dude is named Levi Alves McConaughey. [DListed]
• Jessica Simpson is "deeply hurt" by Pam Anderson calling her a "bitch and a whore" for wearing a T-shirt that read "Real Girls Eat Meat." [MSNBC]
• The Christie Brinkley divorce case chugs along. A shrink thinks Christie and Peter Cook both need therapy. [Fox News]
• But! Between the two, the psychiatrist thinks Christie is the one who should get custody. Because Peter Cook is a narcissist with a bottomless ego, blah blah blah. [Yahoo News]
• Nashville, TN is having a moment: Nicole Kidman gave birth there, Miley Cyrus, who grew up there, is also filming a movie in town; Sheryl Crow, Jack White and Kid Rock all own homes in Nashville. [Yahoo News]
• There will not, repeat, NOT, be a Friends movie. You may return to your regularly scheduled ennui. [Perez Hilton]
• Nick Cannon proposed to Mariah Carey twice! First when they were hanging out on her rooftop, he hid a 17-carat diamond inside a candy ring pop. A few days later, "He sort of kidnapped me and took me on a helicopter ride," she says. "Then he re-proposed." She spills this in the new Elle magazine. She's on the cover next to a line that reads, "Feeling broke?" Compared to Mariah I am, thanks! [People]
• Oprah's show helped the DVD of the BBC show Planet Earth sell 3m copies worldwide. She should be in the dictionary under "juggernaut." [Financial Times]
• David Lee Roth almost died! He was in anaphylactic shock due to a nut allergy when cops pulled him over for speeding. Now I'm gonna have "Just A Gigolo" stuck in my head. Ayyyyy ain't got nooooo body… [Perez Hilton]
• Will Pete Doherty and Kate Moss get back together? Apparently they've been "swapping hot texts." [Mirror]
• The news that Chris Martin loves changing diapers is almost as boring as a Coldplay song. [The Sun]
• Twenty-year-old model Lily Cole: Went out with thirty-five year-old Jude Law recently; is now seeing rocker Bryan Ferry, 62. The Mail says, "He's old enough to be your granddad!" [Daily Mail]
• The Balthazar Getty/Sienna Miller affair continues, and now they're in Italy… as is Balthazar's wife. [Page Six]
• Kathie Lee Gifford: Seen using some sort of exercise device in the ladies room of a New York city restaurant. [Page Six]
• Russell Simmons is on the market! Porschia Coleman, the lady he was dating when his wife Kimora filed for divorce, is now out of the picture. Brown, leggy model? You could be next! [Page Six]
• Kirsten Dunst: Seen making out with a downtown DJ. [Page Six]
• The previously discussed Jimi Hendrix sex tape will hit very soon. Are you experienced? [Rush & Molloy]
• Kinda lame blind item: "Which chummy-seeming reality-show hosts can't stand each other off-camera?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Another beauty queen with "embarrassing" photos! This time it's Elyse Umemoto, Miss Washington 2007. She's just like, flipping off the camera, holding booze and making "suggestive oral sex gang signs." [TMZ]
• "George is a great guy, a wonderful person. I don't regret spending time with him, and he's a great person to get to know. We still remain friends and have kept in touch. In fact, we spoke over the phone a couple of days ago. He's fun to be around, down to earth, laid back, funny and smart. Most people know George has a great sense of humor and is an adept storyteller, but I will always miss his extraordinary dance moves." — Sarah Larson. [L.A. Times]
• "Who doesn't feel the pressure in this business? You can't be in it as a woman and not be mowed down by these things. You can either submit - or just get mad and defy it! I don't work out. I am fatter than any movie star you have ever met! But, you know, I don't care! My oldest daughter is an actress and the pressure on her to remain really, really, really thin, to be glamorous is intense. To be at openings and wearing couture and having people throw borrowed clothing and borrowed jewellery at her like she is a mannequin, just to sell other people's crap. It is too bad. It doesn't really enhance your ability to do the job." — Meryl Streep. [Mirror]

• Russell Simmons is forking over $20,000 per daughter in child support to Kimora Lee, which seems about right when you take into account that they are not just children but living ambassadors of Fabulosity. [TMZ]
• Naomi Campbell was kind enough to get arrested wearing one of Nelson Mandela's signature baseball caps, thus showering millions of dollars in free publicity on his AIDS awareness campaign, and this is the thanks she gets? [MSNBC]
• Mary-Kate Olsen and Ben Kingsley make out in the new movie The Wackness and now the guy we all associate with one of modern history's foremost humanist visionaires is going around talking about how making out with someone 42 years younger than him was completely cool and she was "totally in charge." [People]
• Miley Cyrus admits that her latest song "7 Things" is a very angry song, because it's about an ex-boyfriend, not a specific Jonas brotherly ex-boyfriend you understand, but just like a composite character ex-boyfriend, since anyone who's been around the block a few times knows that shitty guys generally adhere to a few typical patterns of behavior and also, hello, 15-year-old Disney teen idol confections maybe do not write their own songs. Not that their quotes don't sound like they do! "[It goes] through all the different stages of what's been going on the past couple years…It was like a little therapy moment for me." [People]

• Christian Bale thinks what happened after Heath Ledger's death amounted to a "hideous circus." [NY Mag]
• John Mayer is one of those guys who holds out the fact that he's never cheated on anybody as proof he is a "good guy," but like, what the fuck? With some people you are committing an act of social justice by cheating on them and yes I am talking about Jessica fucking Simpson. [MSNBC]
• The Christie Brinkley divorce…you know? I just can't get into it right now. How about we discuss our favorite Billy Joel songs again. If you want to get banned you will say "Still Rock N Roll To Me." [NYDN]
• Demi Moore is making some appearances in Dubai but somehow her heart doesn't seem like it's in it. [Page Six]
• Brad and Angie gave $1 million to a few charities helping in The Iraq. [AP]
• David Beckham is doing a line of mineral water. And sure, sure, it's fine for you and the Beastie Boys to say that maybe another bottled water brand is not what the world needs now, but if you bore the responsibility of hanging onto the title of World's Biggest Carbon Footprint you might come up with some not-particularly-original ideas yourself. [Mirror]
• Because Celine Dion sees your hysterical excess, and raises you a $36,343 water bill! [Palm Beach Post]
• When Tim McGraw spies a male fan aggressively groping a lady fan at one of his sold-out concerts, he kneels down, drags the guy by the wifebeater onstage, maybe takes a few swings in self-defense before handing him off to his roadies in time to sing the next line of the song he was singing, which just happens to be "I'm not lookin' for trouble." See, a few years back that story would have sounded apocryphal but this is the YouTube era so even doubting Thomases such as myself can safely assure you it really happened. [CMT]
• And yeah, ditto on the Verne Troyner sex tape. [TMZ]

• Synth! Dance beat! Breathy vocals! It's Lindsay Lohan's new track, "Bossy." And guess what? It doesn't totally suck. "Stop touching me without permission," she sings. "I'm jut a little bossy. If I want it, I get it — Now." Ha! Like that fur coat? But is the song as good as Kelis's "Bossy"? Well, LL's track was written by Ne-Yo. Lemme know what you think. I may have to listen again. And Again. And then one more time, with rollerskates on. I'm so embarrassed. [People]
  
• Meanwhile: Lindsay's dad Michael is pissed that the Mingling Moms named ex-wife Dina a "Top Mom." He says: "Are you kidding? Look at her off-screen antics, her lack of morals and how she conducts herself. She comes stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose, yelling 'Oh, [bleep],' when she saw the paparazzi." Meanwhile, Dina says: "He's on a mission to destroy me." Wow, this kind of stuff must be great for the kids to hear. [Page Six]
  
• So Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon spill all their wedding details to People, including the fact that they get along because they are 'both eternally 12 years old" and Mariah now has a "Mrs. Cannon" tattoo. [Yahoo News]

• Yeah, Amy Winehouse was arrested yesterday after video of her smoking crack and snorting cocaine made its way to police. [Rush & Molloy]
• But! Amy has already been released. She was not charged. [Reuters]
• Funnyman Craig Ferguson is writing a memoir! America On Purpose, due out next year, will touch on his addictions to drugs and booze, failed suicide attempt and career as a punk rocker. Raise your hand if you'd love to hear him read it to you. That accent! [Page Six]
• George Clooney was at the Hearst building yesterday for an Esquire photo shoot and women lost their freaking minds. [Page Six]
• After the Costume Institute gala, Jay-Z and Beyoncé — still in her ballgown — knocked on the door of a just-closed burger joint and ordered cheeseburgers and fries to go. [Page Six]
• Ashlee Simpson's boobs are big so she must be pregnant, right? "It's probably just a great bra, like any girl's secret," says her rep. [Rush & Molloy]
• Rapper DMX was arrested for driving 114 mph in a 1966 Chevy Nova. Y'all gonna make him lose his mind up in here. [TMZ]
• R. Kelly's lawyers have filed a motion to delay his trial... again. It's been five years already. [TMZ]
• "It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book ... It speaks to her true character." — Star Jones. [TMZ]
• Russell Simmons and Kimora Lee's divorce is proceeding; Russell is seeking joint custody of their two daughters. Both parties are asking the court to deny spousal support for the other since they each have more money than they know what to do with. [People]
• Brooke Shields is "starring" in a new campaign from Royal Velvet towels. Think of her when you shower. [Brandweek]
• Nicole Richie says: "Joel actually changes more diapers than I do. It's his time with her. He sings to her .... He laughs with her, plays with her. It's amazing." [People]
• Who is Minnie Driver's baby daddy? Minnie hints that he is English and "sort of in the same business." OMG what if it's Eddie Izzard??? [People]
• Does Katherine Heigl want to leave Grey's Anatomy? A source says, "She's working really long hours and is ready to move on." [MSNBC]
• A portrait of Heath Ledger has won a top Australian art prize. [Reuters]
• Wil.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas says that staying away from the Beijing Olympics because of China's human rights record and crackdown on protesters in Tibet is a mistake. "America is talking out of both sides of its mouth," he says. "I know that everything I buy in America says 'Made in China' on it. So for me to just say, 'Yeah, that's right, boycott China' ... you're talking out of both sides of your mouth." [CNN]

The Good:
Note to self: Look as awesome as Iman every day. (Must find floral dress that is feisty, not frilly.) Also, accessorize with David Bowie.
Martha Stewart: Her basic black look is chic and fresh. It's a good thing.
Okay, considering that Donna Karan typically turns up looking somewhere between crazy cat lady and homeless, I'm relieved to see her in something fitted and a little funky. Also, totally digging the shoes.
Russell Simmons and Porschia Coleman: Gorgeous couple, great sense of style.
I only hope that Robert DeNiro appreciates the vast awesomeness of wife Grace Hightower's caftan.


The Bad:
It appears that Sigourney Weaver showed up in her pajamas.
Natasha Richardson's dress is just a wee bit too short, no? And Drena DeNiro is a little too made up.
As the heir apparent to the universe (she is Oprah's bestie after all), surely Gayle King could have mustered together something a little more impressive than this.
Dear Seinfelds: Stop looking so smug. Especially since Jessica's shoes are sure to embarrass you in years to come.


The Ugly:
I can't get over Deborah Lin's shoes. Even the intimidating presence of James Gandolfini isn't enough to distract from footwear that bears an uncanny resemblance to the first shoes-with-heels I ever owned. The year was 1997. The occasion was my Bat Mitzvah.

[Images via FilmMagic and Getty.]

The Good: Will someone get me O'Neal McNight's sweatshirt? Seriously. Please. Flo-Rida looks hot, rockin' his old-school style. But as the ladymags would say, where is the personal style in this? I'm crushing on hip-hop grandpa Russell Simmons. Never has one little t-shirt looked so little — but also hot! — as it does on Ciara.

The Bad: Sure, Diane Nguyen and Heather Smith have game (they're top poker players, after all) — but really: Couldn't they have added some flair to their 'Rock the Vote' shirts? Likewise, Emily King: Is that a polo shirt with a camo jacket? Are you even trying? Is Rocsi wearing her Madonna costume? Or her Frank Sinatra costume? (Or, worst of all, her Ashlee Simpson costume?!) Dear Valeisha Butterfield: Shiny + bandage dress = Bad idea.

The Ugly: All those colors + all those checkerboard squares = One big headache-inducing Lil Mama outfit.

[Images via FilmMagic.]

• Photographs of Angelina Jolie's (now) unborn babies could be worth a whopping $10 million. An editor who remains anonymous actually says: "It's at the point now where some stars might decide to have more kids just to collect the money from their photos." Hahahahahaha. No. [Page Six]
  
• By the by, People's issue with La Lopez twins sold between 2 and 3 million copies; Nicole Richie's cover sold 1.8 million; Christina Aguilera's sold 1.3 million. [ONTD]
  
• Russell Simmons and wife Kimora have filed for divorce — again. He filed in March 2006, but the proceedings never um, proceeded. In any case, since they have such intertwined careers and businesses, this should be interesting. [TMZ]
  
• They secretly went out two years ago, and now Matthew Perry has rekindled his relationship with Mean Girls actress Lizzy Caplan (she played Janis Ian). She's 13 years younger than he is and it's a "friends with benefits" type thing. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
  
• Tina Fey wants Ashley Dupre, aka Kristen, to be on 30 Rock. A skit involving Jack? Or Kenneth? [Page Six]
  
• Here's video of Ashley Dupre telling a Girls Gone Wild cameraman that she is over 18 and her name is Amber Arpalo. [TMZ]

• A jeweler says Jamie Lynn Spears' engagement ring is "very 1980s, with a yellow gold band." Aw, give the kid a break, she's 16! [E!]
• Ready, set, go: Patrick Dempsey will make an appearance Saturday at Gainsco Grand Prix of Miami at Homestead-Miami Speedway. [Miami Herald]
• Lily Allen introduced a clip on a BBC3 program: "It's my favourite. It's kegging, pulling someone's trousers down in public. Childish but very funny." Since the video showed a student pulling down a teacher's pants, the schoolboard people and Association of Teachers and so on are all apoplectic. [Mirror]
• The Diddy/Tupac kerfluffle that surfaced last week was an elaborate hoax cooked up by an "overweight white kid from Florida." LOL. [Page Six]
• The L.A. Times has apologized for using the forged documents in a story implicating Diddy in the Tupac assault. Their bad! [Yahoo News]
• Tommy Lee received a tattoo on a flight to Miami, helping the tattoo artist set a Guinness World Record. Uh, ink+needle+turbulence=disaster! [Page Six]
• There is a load of fake Heath Ledger memorabilia on the market, buyer beware. [News.com.au]
• Richie Sambora could face charges of child endangerment after being busted on a DUI charge Tuesday with his 10-year-old daughter Ava in the car. Cops say the vehicle was "weaving within lanes" before it was stopped and that Sambora had alcohol on his breath and failed all the field sobriety tests. [Rush & Molloy]
• One day after Dita Von Teese sued an adult-oriented trade show, claiming they owed her $50,000, they have paid up. Justice! [TMZ]
• An inquest has begun into the death of Corinne Bailey Rae's husband, who died Saturday of an apparent drug overdose. Jason Rae, 31, was a Scottish-born sax player whom Corinne (now 29) met in a jazz club where she worked as a coat-check girl. They got married in 2001. [People]
• David Beckham played a historic soccer, ahem, football match last night: He represented the England national team for the 100th time, becoming only the 5th player to ever reach the triple figure. Score! [People]
• Boxing champ and Dancing With The Stars alum Laila Ali is preggers! Her hubs is former NFL star Curtis Conway; he has three kids already but this is her first. Congrats! [People]
• Olivia Newton-John will walk the Great Wall of China for 21 days, in an effort to raise funds for cancer research. Good luck! [E!]
• Jessica Lange denies she had plastic surgery, despite a report in the National Enquirer. Well, now we need to see pictures. [Star Tribune]
• Artist Jeff Koons is being sued for overdue child support; he's failed to pay about $2.3 million, according to his ex-wife, La Cicciolina, an Italian porn star. [Reuters]
• Brooke Shields is having surgery on her foot — an old dance injury. Ow. [Page Six]
• How do we feel about Josh Brolin playing George W. Bush in the biopic directed by Oliver Stone? [Rush & Molloy]

The Good:
With little daughter Tallulah on his arm, Bruce Willis' actual date Emma Hemming is totally forgettable.
Irina Pantaeva has still got it.
Good for Russell Simmons: The hat is nice and Porschia Coleman seems a lot less heinous than Kimora.

The Bad:
Why is Anika Noni Rose not dressed for the red carpet?
Now surely Andre Leon Talley can do better than this. Did he have American Apparel make their gross pleather leggings into a coat for him?
Send in some queer eyes to get Carson Kressley a better fitting suit and some blotting papers, stat.
Is Donna Karan preparing for an apocalypse that renders her an evil Lawrence of Arabia?
As a major Debbie Harry fan, this hurts me to say, but these yellow plaid pants (are they flannel?!) make my heart cry a thousand times.
Glenda Bailey has clearly forgotten that a high-neck velvet dress is just one step above wearing an ugly Christmas sweater without irony.
Christian Siriano in yet another vest-and-skinny-black-pants look? He needs a new outfit.
Socialite Olivia Palermo's dress is just trying too hard.

The Ugly:
Arden Wohl's outfit is so bad it is clearly exhausted her with its ugliness.

[Images via Getty.]

[Miami, December 4. Images via Splash.]

• Kanye West's mother, Dr. Donda West, died Saturday in L.A. She was 58 years old. The cause of death has not been released. Dr. West was formerly the chair of Chicago State University's English Department. In her book, Raising Kanye, her son wrote in the foreword: "I have known my mom since I was zero years old. She is quite dope." [USA Today]
  
• Britney Spears has a new manager — her "friend" Sam Lufti. The same guy who may or may not have been trying to sell her emails to the tabloids. Stay classy, Brit! [Page Six]
  
• Uh, did Britney fail a drug test? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Maybe! The test came back positive, says a source. But the source also says it was a false postive. Maybe she had a poppy seed bagel? Also, did she run a red light with her kids (and court-appointed monitor) in the car — and not even notice, because she was texting? [TMZ]

• Oh, and is Britney on a medication called Provigil, which helps addicts kick cocaine? It was seen in her purse. Although it's also used to treat narcolepsy. It's hard to know what to think. [ONTD]
• View cohost Elisabeth Hasselbeck gave birth to a boy on Friday, and will call the show today to announce her son's name. YAWN. [People]
• Prince Harry and girlfriend Chelsy Day have split up. Some claim that Chelsy was fed up with Harry's playboy lifestyle. If you were a cute 23-year-old red-headed prince, would you settle down? [People]
• Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, has been "crying non-stop" in prison. He was moved to a medical unit, which is supposed to calm him down. "He's crying for Amy," says a source. "He's more concerned about her." Amy is said to be "furious" she can't visit him until tomorrow. Messy stuff! [Mirror]
• Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis says his imprisonment is "an abuse of the criminal justice system." And that someone is trying to get "revenge"on him. Hmm, we thought it was because he filmed underage drunk girls showering together? [ABC News]
• Hip-hop impresario Russell Simmons loves critters: He's releasing an anti-dogfighting PSA. [Page Six]
• Rocker Lenny Kravitz worries when daughter Zoe's skirts are too short. Why are devoted dads so hot??? [Page Six]
• While Ashley Olsen is seeing Lance Armstrong, Mary-Kate is dating hockey player Sean Avery, who's apparently a cad. Watch out, M-K! [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson as seen making out with Heath Ledger??? Oy. We're having trouble keeping up. Also, ew. [Page Six]
• Marilyn Manson's girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood, says she's not bisexual, but "there have been times where I have been attracted to a woman. I'm not afraid of sexuality. I think too many people get shit and get called skanky or a whore just because they are sexual." [Page Six]
• Is 43-year-old Desperate Housewives star Nicolette Sheridan pregnant? [Mirror]
• Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart sat down with "famous puppy" Iggy — of the Ellen DeGeneres debacle — for some "exclusive footage." No, it's not a joke. [ET]

• Britney Spears lost custody of her kids because she didn't meet with a drug counselor, submit to drug testing or enroll in parenting classes — all things the judge overseeing her custody battle with Kevin Federline had ordered. Is it possible that she'd be relieved not to have primary custody? [TMZ]
  
• By the way, Britney finally applied for a California driver's license. For the love of Zeus, let's hope she passes the written test! [People]
  
• The new issue of Vanity Fair claims that Lou Perlman — the man who created *NSync and the Backstreet Boys — was a pedophile and a sleazeball who had inappropriate contact with boy band members, including Nick Carter. Wonder if Timberlake was spared? [Page Six]
  
• Derek Jeter is dating actress Gabrielle Union? First of all, In Touch said she was dating Ludacris. Second: Does she know about the herp? [Page Six]

• "Something is definitely going on" between Cameron Diaz and newly divorced actor Bradley Cooper. He's hot, so we hope so, for her sake. [Page Six]
• Kimora Lee Simmons threw husband Russell Simmons a surprise 50th birthday party! Russell brought a date named Porschia Coleman; Kimora brought boyfriend Djimon Hounsou. How very modern! [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which famous tennis player is teased by her friends for 'being such a white girl' because of her fondness for the works of Miss Cyndi Lauper?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Sienna Miller and BFF Rhys Ifans got matching swallow tattoos in Dublin yesterday. And you know how Kate Moss says Sienna copies her? Well, Kate has a tattoo of that bird as well. LOL! [The Sun]
• Pete Doherty's court date was pushed back. Again. [Telegraph]
• Bono is redeveloping an old hotel in Dublin, but a critic says he's demolishing a historic structure. Potayto, potahto. [Telegraph]
• Pink and Carey Hart: Still together. She was seen giving him a lap dance while singing karaoke in Venice Beach, CA. [Splash News]

• Victoria Beckham's latest professional endeavor is a makeup line called "V-Sculpt," which is supposed to give its users finer features. It launches today in Tokyo. Because Asia is known for its coarse, exaggerated features? Also: what? [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Kate Moss had 18 advertising contracts last year; now she has 11. DO WE SMELL A DOWNFALL??? [The Sun]
  
• Andre 3000 is launching a clothing label! Dandy! (Heh.) Menswear comes first, to be followed by lady wear. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Italian cabdrivers share Anna and Moe's sentiments regarding the fashion industry. [GlamChic]
  
• Le SportSac's creative director on how she envisions her company's bags: "I want them to be like your friend who helps solve your problems!" Ha ha ha, like all that excess money in your pocket [Fashion Week Daily]

• Russell Simmons is clearly a more evolved person than us, and only has nice things to safe about his crazyass ex: On appointing her creative director for all the Phat Farm labels, Simmons says, "Kimora has watched me do it for 15 years and she has already come to me with some great ideas for the men's lines." Zen Master Jay! [WWD, sub req'd]
• Christina Aguilera goes nude in fragrance ad: Evaluate here. [Sassybella]
• Claudia Schiffer "not really into acting." [WWD, 3rd item]
• H&M profits are up 25% in the second quarter. Which gives us pause because we feel like we haven't seen anything good there in OMG forever. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Our girl-crush on Gucci creative director Frida Giannini deepens: she was behind the pairing of David Lynch and Blondie for first television commercial for Gucci. Seriously, we think we're in love. [Vogue UK]
• Fashion photographer Mario Testino is auctioning off a signed photo he took of Princess Diana, with proceeds, as Kathy Griffin would say, "for the children." [Vogue UK]
• Paint manufacturer-discount retailer collaborations are the new designer-discount retailer collaborations! Uniqlo and Pantone are collaborating on a series of cashmere sweaters together. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Oscar de la Renta: Now designing men's shirts! [Fashion Week Daily]

Dear Fashion Weekers:

I'm on the train headed back to DC - tranquil, lovely DC with its tree-lined streets and clean air (well, cleaner at least) that doesn't give me the Black Lung. Back to the yoga studio and my pastoral life. After Fashion Week in New York, it's what I crave — to escape the madness of New York, and the mania of

Fashion Week. Merrriam-Webster defines mania as follows: Main Entry: ma·nia Function: noun Etymology: Middle English, from Late Latin, from Greek, from mainesthai to be mad; akin to Greek menos spirit — more at MIND 1 : excitement manifested by mental and physical hyperactivity, disorganization of behavior, and elevation of mood; specifically : the manic phase of bipolar disorder 2 a : excessive or unreasonable enthusiasm a mania for saving things — often used in combination b : the object of such enthusiasm

"Mania" seems like an appropriate word for Fashion Week, particularly the bipolar part. Fashion Week is all about extremes. The first day brings panic and anxiety attacks to some, headaches to others, as well as colds, flues, rashes, itching, massive diarrhea attacks and fits of vomiting. In short, people freak out. I love New York, and I enjoy fashion but the two combined forces result in a perfect storm of dizzying madness.

Many amazing things transpire across those 8 days as Shakti, the Hindu goddess of creation, manifests herself in the beautiful dresses crafted by the designers, the performance of each show, the formation of new friendships and business partners. But Shiva, the god of destruction casts his shadow - as the girls on the runway waste away, emaciated. "You can never be too skinny..." the old adage says. But what about the girls who die from anorexia and bulimia in the fashion industry and beyond? We protest the use of fur in fashion, but what about the starving girls? Perhaps a new organization needs to be formed - "People for the Ethical Treatment of Models." I'll be a Charter member. I've seen older women who have preserved their size 2, 6 foot frame through years of malnutrition at great detriment to their health. Tragic! I found myself humming Ted Leo's song, "Me and Mia" more than once last week.

Fighting for the smallest goal: to gain a little self-control Won't anybody here just let you disappear? Not doctors, nor your mom and dad, but me and Mia, Ann and Ana Know how hard you try. Don't you see it in my eyes? Sick to death of my dependence, fighting food to find transcendence Fighting to survive, more dead but more alive Cigarettes and speed for livin', and sleeping pills to feel forgiven All that you contrive, and all that you're deprived All the bourgeois social angels telling you you've got to change Don't have any idea. They'll never see so clear.

And what's it gonna be folks, which is more coveted - being thin or being buxom? Because it's nearly impossible to be both naturally. Any girl will tell you that the first thing to go when losing weight is her breasts - they shrink! So then what - breast augmentation surgery, our modern-day answer to all those storied female mutilation traditions? A friend of mine was once considering breast augmentation. Her doctor told her that it's common to experience depression after the procedure. When their larger breasts aren't the answer to all of life's problems and reality sets in, an anti-depressant cocktail is often needed. Big boobs do not equal happiness.

Ok, back to Fashion Week — skinny girls in beautiful clothes. Guests sizing one another up - who's that? who's that? velvet ropes, endless lists and most importantly, what are they wearing? I was reminded of a my experience in 7th grade when most of the girls wore ESPRIT and Tretorns, and displayed their clothing tags on the inside of their locker door for all to see. It almost seemed like brand worship. The training of "label whores" begins early. Labels become an artificial means of creating barriers between us and them. The steady march down the path of isolation and is easy with the harsh wind of hyper consumerism at our backs.

Shiva/Shakti, the yin and the yang, call it what you will, manifests in the way "celebrities" are treated, as well. It's a love/hate relationship. We maneuver to catch a glimpse of them, but then we perhaps project our own sense of self-hatred onto them and revel in their misery. As a Hindu sage once said, "All is within."

More dualism at the fabulous and fun Heatherette afterparty. It was a celebration of creativity and reminded me of pre-Giuliani New York. The drag queens, often cast out by society as freaks were being celebrated. But in the midst of the celebration I saw a boy standing by the bathroom looking ill from over consumption of perhaps the narcotic sort. It sort of broke my heart. To see him punishing his body when it was a time to celebrate it. I was also disturbed by the number of times I heard gay men refer to themselves as "fags" with a hint of self-loathing in their voice. I wanted to say - so you're gay - who cares? what's not to love?

But the Russell Simmons party at Tenjune had a darker energy about it. The crowd — a typical Fashion Week mix of models (a couple familiar faces), some rap artists but none I recognized, and banker types. What is it about bankers? They were all wearing white checked shirts that all looked like they'd come to the party directly from Thomas Pink. Forgive me for asking, but even in Washington I believe it is conventional wisdom that Pink is very, like, 2004. Is it staging a comeback? I also wondered, how is it that they party so hard when they have to show up at the office at 7 a.m. the next day? Are they on amphetamines? Throughout the week I wondered whether I was the only person in this town who was not abusing Adderall. I was also impressed with the fact that most of them seemed to be in very good shape. How do they find time to work out, amidst all the frantic phone calling and late night Power-Pointing and model-groping?

The night began with typical hip-hop fare. But as the evening progressed the set migrated from hip-hop to U2 (we nearly left) and then lots of trance-y house. Is ectsasy back in vogue? What I have never understood is why a person would take drugs — and the same goes for cocaine, heroin and crack — when they are fully aware that some foreign substance has been added to them, and they are also fully aware that they have no idea what that substances are.

Perhaps on account of such substances, the room was tense with anticipation, permeated by a vibe of quiet desperation not unlike the type one encounters at casinos. Everyone seemed to have a suddenly urgent agenda — fame, fortune, love — but the reason I bring up ecstasy is because quite a lot of people seemed to have an agenda called "plain old sex." In one corner a few female models were grinding male models, and in another bankers were grinding on girls who were maybe publicists. Then some dude who was like the cousin of the brother of the best friend of the owner of a very, very famous Italian restaurant walked in, and a crowd of girls grinded up against him en masse. Why? I couldn't say, but at that point the dancing seemed to get more overtly sexual. Something like the lambada was being performed. Girls began necking men I knew they'd never spoken two words to.

One man attempted this sort of move on me. "I know everybody in the entertainment industry, so if you want to be a star I can hook you up," he said, while draping his arm around me. I didn't know men still used lines like like this. Do they work? I shrank away. But it did not end. Throughout the evening I had to: a) repeat multiple times to several different "suitors" that they were invading my personal space. Usually that didn't work so then I'd escalate to b) firmly stating that I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW MY FIRST NAME. If that failed then I'd c) swat and shoo them away. I had to use this tactic on a man who somehow felt it appropriate to straddle me, right there on my seat.

And so it was heart-wrenching to watch my sisters, many of them straight off the catwalk, acting like lesbians and kissing on the dance floor just to vie for the attention of men whose idea of "seduction" is grabbing one's thigh. Ladies! It's 2007...not 1777. You don't need a man to complete you. You're not going to find happiness at the end of that line of blow, or in the arms of some wasted banker. Being beautiful has a disadvantage: the type of men you attract are often shallow. They may drive fancy cars, but they are not exactly emotionally available. Start buying your own drinks! And having your own LIFE.

There's no shortage of awesome guys out there - but you're probably not going to find them humping your leg at Tenjune at 3 am. And not all sisters are trying to steal your man. Which leads me to another depressing dynamic observed - that of the possessive girlfriend/sex interest. Why is it that male dogs are territorial (hence the leg-lifting) - it's usually a masculine trait - but it seems like women have become the more territorial of the sexes among Homo-sapiens. Goodness! If he's so easily swept off his feet by alluring glances from some girl, the heck with him anyway. Replace him with one who values who you are - a unique individual - not some interchangeable part. Then we can have more meaningful relationships with our boys, and not view every woman as the enemy. Don't deprive yourself of that. Leave the deprivation to your diet.

Anyway I'm almost to Union Station, and trying to leave it all behind. I was thrilled by the the creativity yet saddened by the destruction and desperation. Fashion Week brings out both to the extreme. So relieved to return to my fairly balanced (if slightly boring) life in DC. My heart goes out to those who are trapped in that world, seduced by the illusion of all that glitters, under Maya's spell. You are loved, even if you weren't on the runway, and can't afford designer clothes.

And my best to Andrew Freesmeier and his crew at IMG, the hardest working man in the tents. Way to pull it off - with grace. Thanks for a fantastic week!

• Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams: SPLIT! "They've been fighting for six months," says a source. Their daughter, Matilda, is 23 months old. [Star]
  
• Michelle's dad says he has "great respect for Heath" even though the dad was "never invited into their world." Maybe because he's self-exiled in Australia for tax evasion?[News.com.au]
  
• Owen Wilson is on the mend and "doing very well" says director Wes Anderson. [NY Post]
  
• In addition, "When [Owen's] ready he's going to speak for himself much better than anyone else could," Anderson says. [People]
  
• Grey's Anatomy actress Kate Walsh, 39, got married over the weekend. [People]
  
• Dina Lohan's new boyfriend calls Michael Lohan a violent, drug-abusing criminal who never deserved his "classy, intelligent" wife. It's like a Telenovela, come to life! [Page Six]

• Photographer David LaChappelle "hates" Gwen Stefani, Christina Aguilera and Madonna. It's like a Telenovela come to life! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which Hollywood trio of friends is in trouble? One is on crack, one's on smack, and the other cheats so much on his wife that he single-handedly is supporting several hookers." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which singer keeps her slender frame so thin the old-fashioned way? Seems a 'major eating disorder' helps keep her midriff worth baring." [Page Six]
• Is Kelly Klein really using her own (50-year-old) eggs to get pregnant? Why does anyone care? [Page Six]
• A "frenzied female fan" rushed Brad Pitt at the Venice Film Festival, and he was shaken up, poor thing. [Page Six]
• But Brad and Angelina are ready for a fifth child! They don't have one from South America yet, so we think they should head to Peru or something. [People]
• Did Gisele Bundchen send Bridget Moynahan's new baby a onesie with the word "supermodel" on it? Because that would be crazy. [Gatecrasher]
• Zach Braff, Nicole Richie and Samantha Ronson dined together at Dominick's in L.A. on Wednesday night. Zach is everywhere. [Gatecrasher, 5th item]
• Blind item! "Which Hollywood megastar couple likes to have the hotel where they stay in New York clip flattering pictures of them and their child from the celeb weeklies, to put in frames before they arrive at their suite?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• A former manager claims Mariah Carey owes him major bucks. [Rush & Molloy]
• Russell Simmons: did yoga with John Edwards? Likes Kucinich?? [Rush & Molloy, 3rd item]
• When John Mayer and Jessica Simpson were dating, Jessica would "call photographers and set him up all the time," says a source. [TMZ]
• The child welfare official from Malawi who was supposed to go to London to assess Madonna has been removed from the case under allegations he solicited money from the singer for the trip. Messy! [ABC News]
• Pete Doherty missed his court appearance because he'd checked into rehab. It's like déjà vu all over again! [Reuters]
• Usher finally married his 37-year-old baby mama. [USA Today]
• Courtney Love denies she said "I've never seen anyone take as much coke" as Amy Winehouse. "Even I wasn't that bad." Her denial was via Perez Hilton, sigh. [Mirror]
• The Israeli actress-model-artist who dated Olivier Martinez after he broke up with Kylie Minogue speaks! "What they say about French lovers is all true." [Daily Mail]
• Bill Murray was stopped by the police while driving a golf cart in downtown Stockholm. [Yahoo! News]

• Shocking but true: MTV is investing in subversive style iconoclast Lauren Conrad's clothing line. What, Emily Weiss didn't tell her about "private equity"? We think this is a first for media behemoth Viacom and the apparel industry and we can only hope Toastie and Scott Baio's BFF are next, and that whoever owns Fuse will back Heidi and Spencer's line of American flag wear, and that no one in the country ever buys any of this shit. [Portfolio]
  
• Quote of the day:"I actually think our customer prefers it if she has to work a little for it. She knows she's not going to smell like everyone else," Jennifer Balbier, senior vice president of global product development, MAC Cosmetics, regarding limited edition fragrances. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Yogi/mogul (yogul?) Russell Simmons steps down as CEO of Phat Fashions so crazy Kimora can "get space" in which to self-destruct. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Derek Jeter's second fragrance comes out in December. It's called Driven Black. We think this sounds a little racist, but we're confused by that, because it would be a different story if it were called "Paint it Black" or "Smelling like a baseball player's cup is the new black" ... pondering. [WWD, sub req'd]

• Mazel tov to the Gap! The second fiscal quarter brought about their first financial gain since like, the Friendster era or something. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Not so much for Ann Taylor. [WSJ]

  
  

• Marc Jacobs and Richard Prince do the artist-fashion designer collabo thing for Louis Vuitton. [WWD, 1st item]
  
  • Kate Moss to open a gastropub in Gloucestershire, and the locals are less than exuberant. We think we know the cure! And um you won't find it at a "gastropub." [Vogue UK, 2nd item]
    
  • Custom-designed diamond-encrusted lederhosen. When else were you gonna get those five words together like that? [CBS News]
    
  • V magazine has scheduled its party for photographer Mario Testino's new book at the exact same time as the after-party for the Marc Jacobs Spring/Summer 2008 after party. OMG it's like the Jerusalem of time slots! [Fashion Week Daily]
    
  • Australian designers Sass & Bide are now doing a lingerie line. Unlike our role model starlets, we love underwear and hope you do too; photos here. [Sassybella]

• Now that she's blazed a trail through young Hollywood's most eligible male heirs, club-happy Lindsay Lohan may be shacking up with lesbian DJ Samantha Ronson. [PerezHilton]
• Will Smith is apparently the most powerful actor on the planet. In other news, Posh 'n Becks quest for U.S. domination may not be going so well. [LizSmith]
• Candy Spelling pens an open letter to Larry Birkhead on how to handle the slings and arrows of fame. Rule No. 1: Make sure your hair looks perfect! [TMZ]
• Yoga/animal-loving mogul Russell Simmons is selling his ostentatious NJ house for $23.8 million. Hopefully he'll unload his wife Kimora once and for all soon afterwards. [TMZ]
• Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady go to church! Shop for groceries! [PageSix]

• Former Miss USA Tara Conner is taking to the Hollywood lifestyle quite nicely, thank you. She's already moved in with a guy she met [PageSix]
• Drew Barrymore and Spike Jonze. Still on! [WWD]