douche du jour

Mike "No Chubbies" Koralchyk: Portrait Of The New American Hyperasshole

Mike Karolchyk owns a place in Denver called the "Anti-gym." (Slogans: "Too chubby, never find a hubby", and "Vanity leads to sanity," and "Have sex with the lights on.") He likes to demean women and smoke a lot of pot. His first gym advertisement featured a model with cum all over her face. The gym itself boasts a co-ed sauna usable only by those with a low enough BMI. He is, in short, an asshole we probably should have ignored after the first post. But he is also, in long, an asshole, as I found from reading a story in the latest issue of the Denver monthly 5280 that peeks behind Mike Karolchyk's despicable public image in hopes of finding out what's going on upstairs. Mike, after all, was not a born asshole; once he was a sweet Cornell grad who loved his wife and mother; what happened? The writer, Robert Sanchez, tries to figure it out. But after Mike lies, annoys, and degrades Sanchez's wife, he gives up. We are left with a powerful document that reminds me of the sort of thing you'd get from a detailed profile of Dov Charney or Paul Janka, if anyone with self-esteem had enough endurance to hang out with them for several months. An illustrated guide to the new breed of infantile hyperasshole invading American society, after the jump. More »

really pathetic men

Is Your BMI Low Enough For Michael "No Chubbies" Karolchyk's Co-Ed Sauna?? Oh No!

This is Michael Karolchyk. He owns a gym in Denver that is somewhat atypical. It has numerous slogans, from "Too chubby; Never find a hubby," to "Have Sex With The Lights On" to "Save The Chubbitos" to "No Chubbies." It also has numerous amenities, including "live DJs, cage dancers, and our elite co-ed Ravish Room." The Ravish Room turns out to be a sauna that admits only members who have reached a sufficiently low body mass index, but you also have to be screened to so much as join his gym, where motivational techniques include having cupcakes hurled at you on the treadmill, through a questionnaire filled with queries like "Would you rather have your ideal body or an extra $50,000 a year?" and it's called the Anti-Gym, maybe because he sees himself as a sort of Antichrist, though he also sees himself as a sort of vital American prophet, as you can witness on this clip where he tells the Mike & Juliet Show about watching footage of the Newark race riots and having the epiphany that America had gotten fat in the intervening years as white Americans like himself moved out of cities and into suburban enclaves like Denver, where by the way his gym is located on a street called "Columbine." More »