Hate Dina Lohan? Maybe you're a bad feminist! That's sort of the point of this New York Times story that got me so upset I called my mom to assure her it was dad's fault I am a drunk. I caught her on break from an education class she is taking. "I reflect on Lindsay Lohan all the time, and Britney," my mom confessed. "And you!" Oh god. "And all the things I should have done differently." (Like how you used to rub Grand Marnier on my pacifier to get me to stop crying?) After the jump, more wisdom from my mom — who is, by the way attending a new new church now! — and a poll on whether Michael or Dina Lohan is to blame for the summer's most reprehensible celebrity.

Rather than bother you guys with a transcript, I will summarize the arguments of my mom, who educates children by day.

• All kids need good parenting, but "gifted" students — like Lindsay — need more, especially during their first years of school. "You've got kids with the body of a six-year-old and the brain of a thirty-year-old and the social skills of... well they just have this deer in the headlights look all the time.." she started. "They're going to become hugely self-critical, and turn to alcohol." Ha!
  
• Being a Dina was "more of a nineties thing, like those cheerleader murderer moms. Now it's less common for mothers to act out their own competitiveness through their daughters. The bigger problem is dressing them like sluts, I've found."
  
• "When you're trying to recover from substance abuse, you're trying to achieve an old normalcy. What is normal for Lindsay Lohan? Or Britney Spears?" Or me? I blacked it out. "This is the biggest problem. Their prognosis is not good."
  
• "I don't think about Michael Lohan. Maybe that's the problem. He's a crook or something?" Exactly.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Sometimes Mothers Can Do No Right [NY Times]

Contact information for this author is not available.