Taking Adderall Makes Me Hump Like A Guy

The pharmaceutical industry is sort of like women's magazines: Staffed by blandly attractive people determined to make you feel bad about yourself, and brimming with new ways to kill your libido. But wait! Pillhead may have found the elusive pink Viagra! In her second installment, Jezebel's resident pharmaceutical expert takes a break from the body obsession to have sex like RIGHT NOW. The crucial ingredient? Amphetamine salts... better known as Adderall. There are all sorts of reasons to take Adderall, from its appetite curbage (its original marketed use, when it was called Obetrol and Andy Warhol used to pop them like, well like we pop Adderall today!) to the whole "serenity" thing, to the fact that it turns some people into geniuses (though not so much others). But enough already, let's get down to business! And you know what we mean by business.

Okay, I know I'm supposed to be taking Alli and reporting all the TMI details here, but a funny thing happened after my embarrassing trip to Target for Alli and Depends (yes, the Jezebel editors made me buy Depends): Every morning I wake up with a unique and compelling reason for not wanting to shit my pants that day! So more on that, uh, later. Today: Adderall and sex! A recipe for awesomeness!

I've been taking "Adds" occasionally ever since I got hooked up with my bad doctor two years ago, but usually I just sell them to my friends. About a month ago, though, I started taking 5mg quarters more often and later in the day, and noticed a dramatic change in my libido and, uh, "performance".

A little background: I'm one of those chicks who comes from regular sex. Before you hate me, though, I can't stand receiving oral sex and it's been an "issue" in every relationship I've ever been in, so there are trade-offs. I usually have an orgasm during intercourse about 60% of the time, mainly because sometimes I'm lazy and don't feel like "going for it." Also, that cliche about women making their grocery lists during sex is a cliche for a reason, but we can't help it! It's hard to focus sometimes! Anyway, ever since a Ritalin-induced month of no libido a few years ago, I have assumed that, even though it's an amphetamine, Adderall would be bad for sex. After all, "decreased libido" and "impotence" are listed as possible sexual side effects.

Not listed as possible sexual side effects, however? The fact that it can turn some people into sex machines!* Below, an addendum to the side effects I'll call the "sex effects".

• Wanting sex all the time. Like now. At work. Especially after seeing the Lachey/Minnillo sex photos which would normally have the opposite effect.
  
• Foreplay? What foreplay? Just stick it in already!
  
• As soon as it is, uh, stuck in, I realize that I can come immediately if I want to and that I'm actually going to have to find a way to hold off. I'm going to have to get ESPN so I'll know enough about baseball to think about it.
  
• Coming twice: By myself, and then about a minute later when my partner comes. The first time this happened I actually shrugged and mouthed "I don't know either!" (I'm sure that was really flattering.) Now it happens, like, every other time.
  
• There's something different about sex on Adderall that I couldn't put my finger on until the other night: It's way more physical than mental. Needless to say, my guy loves my rebirth as an easy-to-please Adderall sex fiend, but there's only one drawback: I don't feel like giving another blow job ever again. Oh well. Tradeoffs!

Do these effects sound like anyone you know? Like, maybe an entire gender? Yeah, Adderall is turning me into a man! I would close by saying that I have a deeper understanding of men and blah blah blah, but it's time to call the bad doctor before he goes on vacation and keeps me from my precious sex drug.

*And it's not just me! I did some Googling and found more cases like mine:
"I can literally have an orgasm just sitting in a chair."
"Orgasm is like a thousand times more intense."
"It's almost starting to bother me because I orgasm very quickly." (Heh. If only everyone had that as a problem.)

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