Jezebel: Malibu

Nicole Richie Lives Life In The Fringes

Dodai — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:50:00 EDT

[Malibu, September 2. Image via Splash.]

In order to deal with the paparazzi problem...

mcarpentier — Fri, 09 May 2008 10:45:00 EDT

In order to deal with the paparazzi problem in L.A., the city of Malibu has turned to that savior of the legal system, Pepperdine Law School Dean Ken Starr. Mayor Pamela Conley Ulich is going to pay Starr "to convene a group of experts in the media and legal community to help draft a city ordinance" to do something, anything, about the hordes that have already begun descending. Starr, you'll recall, was once hired by the federal government to convene an investigation into a land deal in Arkansas made by Bill Clinton and ended up writing a long, pornographic legal brief to prove that Bill Clinton stuck a cigar in the vagina of a willing young woman who was not his wife. We assume Starr's work on behalf of the city of Malibu will result in an in-depth examination of how much of Miley Cyrus's naked breasts Annie Leibovitz actually saw. [LA Times]

On Not Feeling Bad That "The Hills" Are Burning

Moe — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 10:00:00 EDT

UPDATE: Upon further reflection I deemed the post that follows to be a victim of premature-meta oversnark and apologized to California here, because we are all about good vibes at Jezebel.
Whoever told that poet the world might end in fire never watched Heidi Montag valiantly wielding Spencer Pratt's hose. Did you know there are wildfires laying waste to the houses of Jennifer Aniston and Sean Penn, the Cox-Arquettes and Tori Spelling? Nobu, too! And Britney Spears' new mansion, which in the one sound decision she has made in the past five centuries, she only purchased the option to buy; maybe that's why she's leisurely shopping right now! The fabulous people losing their homes will have to have their people find other people to coordinate the insurance and the general contractors and accountants, etc. And the mere mortals crowding into Qualcomm Stadium — hey, at least they're getting free gourmet food and massages right now, compliments of the Governator. Don't get me wrong: I'm not trying to make light of the irreplacable collection of Elvis Presley memorabilia was forever lost, except that it goes without saying that I am.

The fact that the fires have focused their efforts on what was a year ago the country's most overheated real estate market reminded me of a few things. Number one, San Diego is rich. Sure, it is not universally rich. But it is not fucking New Orleans, though its relative lack of black people is surely going to make for a great week of ratings for Sean Hannity, and I should add here that it is not only rich but vastly Republican, and not coincidentally unforgivably stupid, as well as a breeding ground for Al Qaeda cells. But anyway, thanks to the once-overheated real estate market begat by shady condo developers in desirable markets like San Diego, people all across America are losing their homes — and in many cases, huge stacks of personal information which will be used by identity thieves to fuck up their lives — in cases a lot less dramatic, but no less migraine-inducing, and much more common, than whatever Heidi and Spencer are putting up with right now. So yeah, my heart goes out to the one San Diegan that has lost his life in this tragedy, but otherwise they seem to have things under control.

The Unexpected Intrigue (And Totally Expected Banality) Of 'The Starter Wife'

Jennifer — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:24:14 EDT

Unless you've been living in a cave, there has been no safe place from the unrelenting promos for USA Network miniseries The Starter Wife (brought to you by Ponds! In case you haven't heard!). And, just as we read the tabs so you don't have to, we watched all two hours of last night's premiere installment of this highly confused concoction. Here's our take: Despite the utter banality of the show (and its tie-in website, which has message boards structured for real divorcees to share their stories), there's something weirdly appealing about The Starter Wife's characters, whose problems are repressed with help from so much booze and sex that we feel like teetotaling virgins in comparison. Anyway, after the jump, our helpful recap and character summary for those who didn't tune in.

Molly Kagan (Debra Messing): Molly was a poor girl who had bushy eyebrows and bad hair until she met now-ex Kenny Kagan. He taught her about sushi and next thing you know, the girl was in love. Flash forward to the present, and Molly is a poor, impeccably-groomed 40-something with a young daughter, a husband who dumped her, and an existential crisis to deal with. Every 15 minutes or so, Molly makes a comment about what good hair she has and how fat she's getting... and we struggle to empathize.

Kenny Kagan (Peter Jacobson): He's the ex. He's a creep. He don't really get why Molly ever married him to begin with, other than the whole sushi-lesson thing. The movie opens with him calling Molly from the treadmill and asking her to pick up dog shit. No, really. Also, he kinda looks like Jon Lovitz.

Joan McAllister (the brilliant Judy Davis): Joan is Molly's friend. She is a WASP. She has a much older husband. She is a drunk. We suspect she's also a drag queen.

Cricket Stewart (Miranda Otto): Cricket is also a friend of Molly, only, after Molly gets dumped, Cricket's husband says the two can't be friends. Then the husband sleeps with the nanny.

Lavender (Anika Noni Rose): Lavender is the security guard [Of course she is! She's black! -Ed.] in the gated Malibu community where Molly has fled post-split. Lavender is working to put herself through UCLA, just as Molly once had. She is also supposedly from the "wrong side of the tracks. [Of course she is! She's black! -Ed.]

Rodney (Chris Diamantopoulos): Rodney is Molly's friend and her interior decorator. Not surprisingly, he is also gay.

So what happened during the long-winded 2-hour premiere? Molly weighed herself. A lot. Her husband dumped her. She fled to Malibu. She started liking her ex-husband's boss. She started liking a mean dude she spied on the beach who was, in addition to being mean, really, really secretive. Her friends were strangely absent. Molly made fun of them. And then, in the last 30 seconds of the premiere — spoiler alert! — the ex's boss stood Molly up on a date to... commit suicide. (We think.) Yeah, we were shocked and awed too. So much so that, sadly, we'll be tuning in next Thursday to continue to figure out this dirty, drunken mess.
The Starter Wife [USA Network]
The Starter Wife [iVillage.com]