Vanity Fair And The New Yorker Expose The Clandestine Operations That Sabotaged Iran, Hillary's Wardrobe

Hola, patriots! We have a treat for you today at Crappy Hour: we read two really long stories for you, Gail Sheehy's first rough draft of the demise of Hillaryland in Vanity Fair and Seymour Hersh's investig-planation of what exactly your tax dollars are doing in Iran. And oh my goodness, the stuff we knew that we tried to forget knowing that, no no no, really just happened! Like how Hillary and Bill tried to pressure Obama into making her his running mate. Or how Admiral William Silver Fox Fallon quit because he was sick of hearing about the CIA funding a bunch of druggies and Al Qaeda surrogates just because they support "regime change" in Iran. Or how Hillary stopped paying Patti Solis Doyle. But anyway, we dug through and found some juicy revelations. Like the identity of the undermining aide behind Hillary's terrible chunky jewelry and ill-fitting pantsuits! (Although not that of the hot guy standing behind her in all the pictures. Yet!) Anyway, that, Al Qaeda in Algeria, a few memory lane changes with Gang Of Four and Time's Man of the Year 1951, and the poor Chinese guys locked up at Gitmo, parsed by me and Megan after the jump. More »

Hot Obama Adviser Samantha Power F*****s Up Big Time!

Dear Obama foreign policy adviser Samantha Power, you are hot. You are Elizabeth Kucinich hot, maybe even Huma Abedin hot. But you like to say "Fuck" and that's what really counts here. You play basketball. With George Clooney. You're a humanitarian. Marie Claire named you the Smartest Woman In America. You wrote a book on UN Sergio Vieira de Mello, which...reminds us that the Iraq War has killed not only 600,000 or so innocents, but some with really sexy names. You're not afraid to go back and admit that something you said before was "stupid." But we never really thought much about you until yesterday, when you gave an interview to a Scottish newspaper while drunk. Or something. You admitted you "fucked up" in Ohio. And then proceeded to fuck up some more! After the jump Megan Carpentier of the blog Glamocracy and I discuss whether it's possible Power called Hillary a "monster" affectionately, and also Condi, Pelosi, Boeing, Ed Rendell, anarchy in Times Square, text messages from Hamas and the Smurfs, in a special deluxe A380 sized TGIF IM. Viva Crap. More »

Broke Hillary Fires Loyal Hill Force One Captain Patti Solis Doyle

Oh Patti Solis Doyle, we hardly knew ya! Maybe it is just that you resemble Rachael Ray, but even though your job running the Clinton campaign was surely tortuous, you always seemed so sunny and approachable. Unlike your boss's husband, we really did have a soft spot for you. But while you were masterminding such lighthearted and humanizing moments as that prank whereby Hillary pretended she was a flight attendant on her very own jet, Hill Force One was burning precarious amounts of campaign cash on its way to crash landings in Nebraska, Maine and Washington State. For the record, Megan and I think it was stupid to fire you on the eve of the eve of the three big Beltway caucuses. But if it means you'll be freed up to go on the talk show circuit and bump that annoying Terry McAuliffe from his designated position as the go-to Hillary mouthpiece, well, at least there is that. In other news Obama won a bunch of states, Bush wants to execute a bunch of Guantanamo detainees and John Edwards, like Natalie Imbruglia, is torn... More »