you b*tches are violent. that's why i heart you so...

Yes, that made me laugh really hard too. Very very hard.

I have slapped a man down before, quite hard, but I love him so I felt bad because, well, it's abusive.

@washionfore: Same here. But I slapped him on his birthday, for telling me something I asked him to tell me in the first place - and then a whole bunch of other shit happened (why didn't I see this informal survey?)

I still feel bad about it....

*snicker* It's okay, ladies. They can just consider it payback for binding our feet, shoving our chunklet asses into corsets, leaving chick babies on mountaintops, droolin over size 0 asses, and generally making us miserable for centuries. My favorite phrase that no one doubts? "I will punch you in the neck."

Then again, as a native NYer, I am also of the opinion that if a woman hits a man, he is allowed to hit her back. (I find the southern gentleman thing so CUTE, if ill-advised as a defense tactic.) Fair's fair, after all...

Beating up on your man is just as wrong as beating up on your woman. I think sometimes women take advantage of the fact that most men KNOW they'd better not hit a woman, because the consequences are (rightfully) dire.

My father taught me that if I raise my fits to anyone, man or woman, be prepared for a fight. Which is why I keep my hands to myself.

Never hit a guy I was dating, but I drunkenly slapped some dude on the street the other night for yelling, "Are those store bought or real?"

Yeah, I've punched the shit out of a guy. But I don't like to brag.

I once dated an alcoholic (rite of passage for all good little girls) who came over drunk and got in my face. I punched him hard enough to knock him on his ass. After I dumped him, he served me with a restraining order, which I proudly showed off to all his friends. Stupid wimp.

When I was 17 I was fighting with my boyfriend in the car and he put the car into neutral (from drive) when I wasn't looking. I punched him dead in the face and have regretted it ever since. More recently a male friend of mine, while in the throes mind you, told me he liked me, "but only with a small l". I bit him so hard he had a mark for a week. And it wasn't because I was so turned on. I regretted it again (I am a well of regret) but I have to say I think he may have had it coming.

A boyfriend and I were getting hot and heavy on the sofa and there was nudity... he whips out his cell phone to start shooting VIDEO.

He got a hard slap to the face. I feel like that is justified, not abuse, right?

Actually, the one time I got into a throw-down started because I made dude get out of the car. In Orange Mound (I'm sure BDJ knows where it is). And yes, I left his ass there. When he got home it escalated into a full-on brawl with cops & everything. I'm classier than that now.

As someone who has been both slapped AND punched by more than one ex- girlfriend, there's a big difference between getting slapped (even slapped hard) and getting full-on attacked.

And each time, I definitely deserved it. Actually, I think we usually do.

The first time I met most of my boyfriend's friends we were at a party and kind of joking around, shoving each other and such. He then escalated things by slapping me. I retaliated by giving him a light backhand to the nuts (which I've found is way more effective than a full-on hit, by the way), which had him doubled over. It got pretty ugly, but oddly enough, right after that fight we said "I love you" for the first time.

The only time I punched my husband (in the arm, but hard) it sucked. We were arguing about something I felt strongly about, but the minute I punched him, he won. I'd love to be more noble, and say how bad I felt, but I actually just realized that losing control was an easy way to actually lose.

Wait, I thought we were supposed to beat up our men, like in the Ringside video for 'Tired of Being Sorry'?

And no, I have never hit anyone. I found sitting silently to be much more infuriating to ex-boyfriends. And I stick with what works, because I like to be the winner.

I slapped a friend during the Super Bowl when he made a crack about Tony Dungy, but we were both drunk, and he likes being slapped (and spanked for that matter.)

The laptop thing HAS to be Slutmachine. Bitch is awesome.

Come on ladies, where are the shelters for battered men? Guys turning up in the emergency rooms with black eyes, broken noses?

My Ex told me his former lover beat him. I was a bit startled when I met her. He is 6'3" about 195 lbs.; she was 5' and appeared to weigh literally 98 lbs.

Battered men? The question is, are these men really physically afraid?

I slap my boyfriend on a semi-regular basis. It always hurts me more than it hurts him. And he usually agrees that he deserves it.

@Go Like Hell Machine: Yeah. I understand that hitting is bad on both sides -- but let's be realistic. We're talking about two completely different weapons. The average woman's fist versus the average guy's fist is like a wiffle bat versus a crowbar.

I'll also admit that I've bitten two different guys on two different occasions, and I'm ashamed and disturbed about it. I don't think anyone should ever feel all "you go girl" about being violent.

In high school I was suspended for a week after "assaulting" my boyfriend after I found out he had cheated. To be honest, I don't really remember what exactly I did, but I know it was one of those scenes where I was dragged away like a wild animal. He totally tried to get me back after that, too. Who's crazier?

@Your_sisterinlaws_baby_cousin_Traci: When I was 17, I got lost in Orange Mound trying to get my aunt's house on Central. The stomping ground of Tripple 6 Mafia is not the place you want to get left on the side of the road.

I got into a lovely wrestling match with a boyfriend once. We were drunk and he was taunting me, but I didn't want to actually hurt him so I let him win. And I used to wrestle with the boyfriend after that all the time. It was fun and playful at first, but things started to get angry. Like that one time when he lifted me up and dropped on his carpeted concrete floor... flat on my back.
Yeah, that wasn't fun. I screamed bloody murder which scared the shit out of him, and then got up and punched whatever shit was left out of him. He became mildly terrified of me after that.

I haven't wrestled the recent boyfriend yet, but I did learn that yelling and arguing really loudly and scarily like I do (thanks, dad!) scares him enough to win any argument. :)

@SpaghettiStreetwalker: I try so so SO hard to do the sitting silently trick. I try it EVERY time there's an argument (which used to be a daily occurrence with some BFs). But I just couldn't keep myself from laughing after like a minute thirty of "ignoring" him. It just makes me too giddy to think that I can have that much power by doing absolutely nothing at all.

@Your_sisterinlaws_baby_cousin_Traci:
Congrats on the classy, but with that screen name I don't know if I believe you. You ain't got to lie...

An ex beat on me good because I called her "Labradoodle." What made it worse was that after every punch I just kept laughing harder.

Yes, please, let's not forget the poor men, who make up a whopping 15% of the domestic violence victims (nonsarcastic saide: this includes situations in which the violence is mutual, or the woman used violence in response to violence), who are far less likely to be hurt by domestic violence given the differences in size and strength between most men and women, and who aren't laboring under lifetimes of oppressive gender hierarchy. I'm glad that you raised awareness of this terrible scourge so that we can convince the public that more of the ample, nay, surplus of resources that we throw at aleviating domestic violence against women can now be re-channeled to help the poor, oppressed men. Thank you. Thank you for thinking of the dudes.

I had a totally shitty, verbally and emotionally abusive boyfriend who, one night, basically had me in tears from telling me repeatedly how "stupid" and "fucking slow" I was. He was relentless in his tirade and I finally was like "SHUT UP" and shoved him so he hit my door. He fucking whined about how I "hit him" and "abused him" for like, 3 hours.

But you know what felt even better than shoving him that one time? How much he cried when I dumped his sorry ass.

I posted this somewhere else once, and it stopped the thread dead in its tracks, and I feared everyone thought I was psycho. But when my husband announced he didn't love me anymore the morning after initiating passionate sex with me and telling me how much he loved me, I hurled a plastic laundry hamper at his head, bit him when he wouldn't let me see who he was furtively texting on his Blackberry, and whipped him once with his leather belt.

I am ashamed to say that I am proud of myself given I then came down with an STD passed along to me from this douchebag via his slutbag girlfriend.

@sparkle: That's how the physical fights with my boyfriend always start. It's all fun and games at first, but then one of us takes things too far and then we just start beating on each other. I swear, despite my comments on this thread, it's actually a really healthy relationship.

When I'm drunk I think I am invincible and get really violent. Most of my ex's are pretty big guys so they usually do the hold me down till I stop acting like a lunatic thing. One guy did pick me up and body slam me, but I can't say it wasn't entirely deserved either.

I think every man I have been with has received a slap from me. Every single one deserved it, says alot about my taste in men!

i was with a guy for 2 years and dumped him when i caught him cheating on me. he proceeded to camp out in front of my apartment whining and crying and begging me to take him back. so i opened the door, made him give me some nice oral, then after i wound up and gave him a full open-palm smack right across the face, then told him to take a hike.

which is pretty paltry compared to the time he choked me, punched me, backhanded me, and tried to throw me out of a moving car.

@Trixie from Toronto: You didn't cut off his dick and choke him with it. Given the circumstances, I think you were rather ladylike.

@ae38: oh god that's why i don't drink anymore - i am the nastiest, most evil drunk on the planet. one time i had to climb up on the barstool to get all in this football player's face because he stepped on my toe and didn't apologize.

@ebabydoll: This raises classic rhetorical questions, such as: Why do so many of us smart broads go out with such bottom-feeders? And why is the sex usually so good?

@ebabydoll: I make a conscious effort to practice pacifism because I'm a brawler at heart.

I had a shitty verbally and emotionally abusive boyfriend as well. He was my first and we were living together so like a naive idiot I stayed in a lot longer than I should have. He cheated on me with a mutual friend and was constantly telling me why I was not the ideal partner for him and why she was so much better.

One day in front of a mutual male friend he made a comment about my ass being 'public property' and it actually set off my fight or flight response. On some level I must have believed that our mutual friend would take him seriously and feared for my safety.

Despite the fact that my boyfriend outweighed me by fifty pounds, was eight inches taller (giving him a longer reach), and was going to Kung-fu classes three times a week I beat the shit out of him. I punched him repeatedly in the stomach and once I had him cornered I threw him across the room by his penis (I hadn't previously known that was physically possible).

I am not a violent person but it is amazing what can happen when you feel genuinely threatened. I later found out that the reason he stayed with me was because he could not afford to stay in the country without our combined income. When I moved into student housing (for tax reasons) he had to go home. I do not feel guilty about the way I acted because friends of mine who have been in similar situations and did not ever stand up for themselves ended up broken.

@tailfeather: Who has sex with his wife of eight years, tells her he loves her deeply, then gets up the next morning and says he doesn't, he was lying, and he's moving out? Who?

**heavy sigh**

I am now too afraid to have sex, as well, such as.

It may be wrong to hit, it may be lame to just wish you had, but I've had many satisfying dreams where I beat up my ex.
If I saw him again, I don't think I'd be able to restrain myself.

@Trixie from Toronto: Oh we have so many things in common!

@Bugis: "..threw him across the room by his penis." Wow, I have to admit that even made me flinch a bit.

@SpaghettiStreetwalker: Yeah, I can't do that silent treatment thing because it ends up being more painful for me than him. For him it's like the perfect time to play Tiger or take a nap, when all I wanna do is fuckin' argue.

@FromTheTulleShed: I have a dream where I kidnap and torture one particular ex, but believe you me his ass broke many a law and if anyone deserves it, its him. It's kind of 'Reservoir Dogs' meets 'Hostel' - I'll either write a script or start therapy, for the children.

I had this crazy Yankee Boyfriend who unbeknownst to me was a Cracky.. Out of the blue, he starts shouting, calling me a whore. He thought I was like his ex-girlfriends who would take shit.

This tool swung at me and missed. I put on my Cowboy boots to leave. He then tried to stop me and I kicked him in the knees cap and on the thumb.

The next day the bitch was whining that I scratched his face and his hand was swollen, oh and he had a limp. He tried a couple more times to hit me, but each time I went fucking Bruce Lee on his ass..

I never understood a woman that didn't fight back. I was way smaller than he was, but I just couldn't let him beat me down.. Men who beat women look for an initial WEAKNESS.. Then they go for the kill! You have to stop them in their tracks!
I guess that is why I am still single and living alone..

thank you. you guys make me feel normal.

I have a friend who got blackout drunk and bit her boyfriend's ween. True story.

I've (open-palm) smacked my lovely, perfect, wonderful boyfriend about twice since moving in with him. Never with full force (as I have a black belt, and I know that my full force is disabling when used correctly), but GOD do I feel terrible afterward. Even if he's taunting me and all but asking for it* (argh, I feel awful using that phrase), I feel like a heinous bitch.
(*by declaiming Wesley Willis lyrics at top volume, for example.)
Even more so given that my high school job was at a domestic violence shelter.

During my entire childhood, my cousin spent every family occasion bullying me, until the day I got so mad that I threw his towel in the swimming-pool and hit him with a thermometer.
He's still whining about it, even though it happened more than fifteen years ago. But ever since, family reunions have been much, much more agreeable.

@whoneedslight: Whatever, she was lying. She wasn't that drunk.

@tailfeather:

Mary?

@tailfeather: Ooooo, Busted!

@weavingissexy: did we date the same guy! because i swear you just stole a page from my diary.
i too dated a pussy-ass alky, who tried to shove me around one drunken night. i kicked his ass, then promptly broke up with him. not only because he was a drunk but because i'm only 5'4" and 101 lbs., and i don't want a man who ass I can kick.

@ThaKadinskyPapers: We do? This comforts me.