Label Whores Hit The East Village

Are people as superficial as they were when we were 13 and the girls in our 8th grade class checked our Forenza cable-knit sweaters for authenticity? Turns out that yes, they sometimes are! Welcome to Label Whores, in which we sew designer labels into cheap and mid-range clothes and see how much money we can get for them. In today's installment, Jennifer (with help from best-bud Zaby) hits up three consignment stores in NYC's East Village with four fake labels, four new pieces of clothing, and an inquiring mind. Here's what they used, and where they went:

The Labels (all circa 1997): Isaac Mizrahi; Calvin Klein; Donna Karan; Richard Tyler.

The Clothes: H&M buffalo plaid cotton/polyester dress ($39.99); Club Monaco linen sweater ($99); Club Monaco cotton skirt ($129); Club Monaco cotton/spandex jacket ($199).

The Stores: Tokio 7; Tokio Jack's; Cadillac's Castle.

The sordid details — including an unscheduled cameo by professional tranny Amanda Lepore — after the jump.

Above, the H&M dress and Club Monaco jacket)

First Stop: Tokio 7
We're chastised for not making an appointment to show our wares, but we're seen anyway. The salesperson reviewing our garments immediately tosses the faux-Mizrahi and the faux-Donna aside, shooting us a look that screams, "You have to be kidding me." He then announces that all our clothes are dirty and need to be dry-cleaned. (That's funny! Because they're all new and never worn!) Then he tells us he'll offer $90 for the "Richard Tyler" jacket and $50 for the "Calvin Klein" sweater. He says he is particularly interested in the jacket, since it's such a "hard to come by" piece. (We suspect Club Monaco execs will be thrilled to hear this!).

Second stop: Tokio Joe's
After transvestite/muse of David LaChappelle Amanda Lepore stops us on the sidewalk to tell us we look "confused" (you're one to talk, honey!) we head to Tokio Joe's. The salesperson here is as quick to judge as her predecessor, only here, it's the "Calvin" and the "Tyler" that summarily dismissed. But the "Mizrahi," we're told, is most intriguing and we're asked what year it's from. We say we're pretty sure it's 2001 and are quickly offered $130 for it. (!) The salesperson then asks about "Donna" skirt. We say it's 2002 (and almost find ourselves believing it). We're offered $78. Both items however, need to be dry cleaned, we're told. Yeah, yeah.

Third stop: Cadillac's Castle
The saleslady here says the "Calvin" is a no-go, as it looks really worn out. But she's ready to talk dollars on the rest, offering $135 for the "Donna" skirt ("I know how much this one is retailing for," she tells us, "And I really don't want to cheat you since I know how expensive this one is"); $195 for the "Isaac" dress ("This one's a real find, finding such a quality Mizrahi piece"); and $110 for the "Tyler" ("This might be hard to sell since this cut is so out-of-date, but I had a Marc Jacobs jacket in worse shape come in yesterday, and I'm selling it for the same"). And then — predictably, at this point! — she tells us the items look a little dirty and need a good dry-cleaning.

The Final Tally:

• H&M dress (original price, $39.99) masquerading as Isaac Mizrahi: 2 for 3, with highest offers of $130 and $190.
  
• Club Monaco jacket (original price, $199) masquerading as Richard Tyler: 2 for 3, with offers of $90 and $110.
  
• Club Monaco skirt ($129) masquerading as Donna Karan: 2 for 3, with offers of $78 and $135.
  
• Club Monaco sweater ($99) masquerading as Calvin Klein: 1 for 3, with offer of $50.

See you next time on the Upper East Side!

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