Fucking Andy Cohen Is Working My Last Nerve

By Kara Brown  |  July 14, 2015 | 7:00pm
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Andy Cohen needs to shut the hell up. The svengali of reality television has been speaking out of pocket just one too many times for my taste and now look what he’s made me do. Now, Andy, I have to drag you for continuing to open your mouth when you shouldn’t.

On Sunday’s episode of Watch What Happens Live!, the host and Bravo executive dubbed Amandla Stenberg his “Jackhole Of the Day” for calling out Kylie Jenner’s bullshit cornrows on Instagram.

Because Andy Cohen obviously does not have a clear or remotely nuanced understanding of race and appropriation, I’m sure he didn’t realize that that bitch move of his is exactly the reason why Amandla had to open her mouth about a member of that trash family in the first place.

Let’s begin with the fact that he referred to Amandla as “Jaden Smith’s prom date.” Fuck you, Andy. No, she is a working actress who appeared in one of the most commercially successful movies of all time. Don’t you dare start defining a teenager by guys she may or may not have dated. She has her whole life ahead to look forward to that bullshit.

Cohen also made a weird face when he pronounced her name on-air. He may have just accidentally flubbed and meant nothing by it, but he sort of seemed to be suggesting that it was unusual or difficult to pronounce. So, fuck you for that, maybe. Your inability to pronounce her name—which is not difficult to pronounce and wouldn’t deserve to be made fun of if it was—is your own damn problem. Go get some speech therapy if you can’t manage.

Perhaps the worst part of the segment is when he turns to his guests Laverne Cox and André Leon Talley and asks them to support his decision to call this smart, beautiful 16-year-old black girl a jackhole. Via The Root:

But what was disappointing is the fact that two black people sat there onstage with Cohen and saw nothing wrong with him referring to a 16-year-old girl as a “jackhole.”
“To me, it’s fine,” Talley replied while wearing his Sunday-best caftan.
“Umm … Bo Derek,” Cox responded.
It seems as though a 16-year-old has more common sense than Cox, Talley and Cohen.

Hey Andy, whatever random negroes you happen to goad into agreeing with you, do not speak for all of us.

André Leon Tally is cool and all, but the man is also a close friend of Kim Kardashian. Not only does that tell me that he has a casual relationship with giving a shit about white women appropriating black culture, he’s also probably not going to talk badly about the woman’s damn sister on national television.

Laverne was the biggest disappointment for me. She later tweeted a half-assed non-apology and claimed ignorance.

Knowing who Amandla is has absolutely no bearing on being able to recognize that what Kylie Jenner did was garbage and that Andy Cohen was being an asshole. If nothing else, you allowed this white man to denigrate a young black girl by not even bothering to say a single word in her defense.

Andy Cohen, shut the fuck up. You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. What entire wealth and fame of the Kardashian Klan has been built on emulating black women in a more marketable white body while fetishizing black men. Kylie Jenner’s dumbass cornrows not only looked ridiculous, but continue a pattern of her wearing blackness like a costume.

Let’s also remember that you called a teenager a jackhole for engaging with another teenager. You, a grown man, inserted yourself into the conflict and attacked a young woman of color from an enormous platform. What kind of bitch move is that?

Luckily for you, Amandla has more class and common sense at age 16 than you do at 47, which she proved in her unofficial response.

I’m a Bravo fan—this we know—but this isn’t the first time Andy Cohen has shown his ignorance and insensitivity about race.

Remember when he asked Nicki Minaj who has the biggest dick in the music industry? Never mind that at the time, Nicki had been in a serious relationship for ten years. She has that big ass and talks about sex so she must just be a big ‘ol dick-ogling slut, right Andy? Can you imagine for one second if he had asked Taylor Swift: “Who has the biggest dick in the music industry?” You probably can’t because he never would.

I have one last bone to pick with Andy and that’s about the casting decisions he either allows or makes. For some reason, Bravo has continued to segregate most of their shows by race. There are “the black shows,” like the Real Housewives of Atlanta, Blood Sweat and Heels and Married to Medicine. And then there’s almost everything else. Oh yeah, and we get to see some Persians on Shahs of Sunset and a few Latinas on the Real Housewives of Miami.

Interestingly, however, is the fact that Bravo consistently tries to wiggle some white cast member into “the black shows,” but makes little to no attempt to add any diversity to its other programs.

On the first season of Married to Medicine, the cast included five black women and one white woman—Kari Wells. They dropped Wells for the second season, probably because she was boring as hell. This season—the show’s third—they’re trying again to smuggle in another white woman in the form of Jill Connors who, while not part of the official cast, is a friend of the ladies and has garnered quite a bit of screen time.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta had Kim Zolciak for five seasons. And on the second season of Blood Sweat and Heels, they added Arzo Anwar who, while actually Afghani, said a lot of dumb, racially clueless things about black people.

The Real Housewives of DC of did have four white cast members and one black woman, but it was canceled after one season.

What is it, Andy? You can’t find some amazing, witty rich black woman in Beverly Hills? Hell, there’s not some glam, mouthy, rich Asian woman who could be a cast member in New York?

I expect little accountability from you because you’re a rich, white man and that’s usually a foreign concept to your demographic. However, if you had any decency, you would apologize to Amandla and receive the privilege of allowing her to explain to you why you’re so helplessly clueless. For your sake, I’m sure Amandla would exercise a little bit of patience with you, because lord knows I’ve worked through all of mine. I’m tired of your shit, Andy. I’m tired of it. I really am.

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Image via Getty.

 
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