Free Shit Makes People Go Absolutely Insane

In my halcyon youth, whenever I encountered dystopian, post-apocalyptic fiction, I would have my doubts. “Really?” I would wonder. “After an apocalyptic event, would the human race really be so quick to drag around armies of catamites and chain people up in the basement for consumption? People are better than that, right?”

Nope, young Callie, you are 100 percent wrong. People go absolutely fucking batshit insane when they’re offered free shit in a world without rules. They lose sight of all sense of goodness and light. Their faces make shapes that faces shouldn’t make.

Case in point: this completely terrifying video of a hoard of T by Alexander Wang fans transforming an anonymous warehouse filled with free designer clothing into a waking nightmare.

Here’s the backstory, my poor intrepid viewer: according to the Youtube description, Alexander Wang invited New Yorkers to a mysterious “one-time-only undisclosed event” in a warehouse. The video footage of the undisclosed event shows Alexander Wang appearing to the New Yorkers via giant projection in the entryway. “When the door opens, you’re going to have access to pieces from the T by Alexander Wang collection,” intones Alexander Wang. The crowd squeals. “And by the way, everything is free,” adds Alexander Wang coyly. At this point, the camera pans up — probably to cover up the fact that everyone in the crowd had simultaneously wet their pants.

Watch for yourself and behold the transformation from “disaffected kinda mean crowd of fashionistas texting” on the street to “soulless hell-shits ready to claw out a stranger’s jugular vein over last season’s cropped red blazer, in an orgiastic tribute to capitalism” by the racks. Behold and quiver in fear at the dark underbelly of the human psyche.