Freak Mutant Cat Survives 17 Story Fall From Building

A man in Canada named Joel Isfeld has a cat named Cleo. On Sunday, Cleo did what all cats seem to consistently insist on doing. Rather than simply enjoy the pampered life of luxury Isfeld created for her, she went to the absolute most dangerous, scary part of the apartment and sauntered around the balcony. Then she took a 17 story leap to the ground below. JESUS CHRIST, CAT.

Isfeld was understandably distraught (I can’t even imagine) and went wildly searching for her. But she was nowhere to be found. So he did what all of us when it comes to anguishing moments with our pets. He posted about it on Facebook. CBC has the details of what happened next:

The response, he says, was amazing — with so many people sending messages and trying to help find Cleo. It wasn’t until 11 p.m. on Monday night that Isfeld received word Cleo had been seen on the terrace of an adjacent building. “I didn’t know if she was OK … if she was injured. I was in tears,” he told CBC News.

“She was shaken up, but other than that she was totally OK. No broken bones, no scrapes, just a small cut on her mouth.”

Good for the happy ending! But seriously. What is it with cats and goddamn balconies? Every cat I have ever had has been completely determined to pull a Cleo. “Oh this place is really great, I see how you have this nice bed here for me and lots of food, ample places for me to stretch out, a wonderful new litterbox, and oh wow all these great cat toys—-OH SHIT IS THAT A BALCONY? BRB gonna go weave precariously between the rails, race back and forth across the railing and lean as far over as possible over the edge until you almost have a freaking heart attack!”

Is this part of the Cat Overlords master plan? To scare us as many of us to death before their ultimate global takeover? What really is the secret behind Cleo’s “death defying” leap? Is she equipped with some sort of high-tech cat body armor that they were just testing out in this stunt? If they can survive a 17 story fall, what else are they capable of? So many unanswered questions. So little time left.