Florida Woman to Cop: The Crack Foil Is Hurting My Vagina

Jennifer Renee Crosby was arrested in Wabasso, Florida when she tried to hide drugs up her vagina. Her first mistake was trying to sell drugs. Her second mistake was riding with a man who didn't have a license. Her third mistake (these might not be in order) was sticking foil-wrapped crack inside her genitals. I am feeling pain just thinking about it.

Crosby's arrest began with a routine traffic stop. She and her companion/customer (she was going to sell the crack to him for $100) were stopped by police officers and the driver, Robert William King, was asked to provide his license and registration. King uttered "I don't have a license, I'm habitual." The officer found that King has not been allowed to drive since 2008 for habitual traffic violations. The spontaneous utterances, however, were not over.

When Crosby was asked to step out of the car, she became nervous and started shaking. That's when the officer began suspecting that she might be hiding something( which is reasonable. I also shake a lot when I am lying. Once I even peed myself a little and there is no shame in that). He asked Crosby whether she had any drugs and she said no, and then quickly changed her mind.

"I have drugs inside my vagina," Crosby uttered spontaneously and then, when she was asked to remove them, she said "ouch." Again, that sounds really painful. The officer asked if she was okay and Crosby said "the foil is hurting the inside of my vagina" before producing a foil-wrapped rock of crack cocaine which she had just been paid $100 for.

While it's unfortunate that Crosby was in pain, the police report produced by the arresting officer is written in a way that really keeps the reader in suspense. I don't know if that's a thing that's allowed or encouraged, but I also imagine that one has to write so many of these that they might get pretty boring if there weren't sudden utterances or multiple exclamation points all over the place.