Florida Woman Makes Love to Motorcycle in Front of Neighborhood Kids

It’s business as usual in Florida, where the sun is shining, Disney World is bringing joys to families from around the world and a half-naked woman named Karen Dilworth was going hell-for-leather on a motorcycle in her garage, banging it in front of kids who just happened to be around.

There is nothing inherently wrong with pleasuring oneself on a motorcycle. I get it, they’re cool and badass and can make you scream really loud if your cousin’s boyfriend says he’ll just let you sit on it and then takes off around the block because fuck you, dumb kid, this is life. Super cool. I understand the sexual appeal.

What I don’t understand is why Dilworth, who was masturbating with the garage wide open in an Ormond Beach house (did you grow up in a barn, lady?) didn’t just stop her sexual eruptions and close the damn door. That way, no one would have to know and there wouldn’t be a mom calling the police to tell them that, yes, there was a strange woman in a state of undress fondling herself with her legs spread wide open. Facing the street. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Dilworth, who The Smoking Gun notes was wearing a black and white dress (which may not be suitable for actual riding), denied any wrongdoing. Instead, she told officers that what she had been doing was having a smoke and drinking some beers. It’s summer! That’s what you do! She said she’s never even touched the motorcycle.

Other witnesses beg to differ:

Another Pine Cone Trail resident, Nicholas McRay, told cops that he also saw the woman masturbating while sitting backwards on the motorcycle. McRay, 45, said that “there was kids around and he yelled at the Defendant to shut the door.” The woman, McRay added, “got up and shut the garage door.”

Thank heavens for small favors. We’re all about healthy sexuality here, but check your oil in your own garage! With a closed door! Please.

Dilworth is currently out on a $1000 bond. Her ex says he has no idea what the hell happened in that garage.