Florida Gubernatorial Debate Grinds to a Halt Over a Goddamn Fan

On Wednesday night, a couple of Florida Men delayed the start of a gubernatorial debate due to a dispute over a fan. A fan aimed square at Charlie Crist’s balls.

Down in America’s favorite state, former Governor Crist is challenging current Governor Rick Scott in a bid to reclaim his job. As you can see from the clip above (via ThinkProgress), at showtime neither man was onstage because a fan had been installed at the foot of Crist’s podium. The fan, you see, is essentially Charlie Crist’s binkie. It accompanies him everywhere. The Washington Post points out that it has its own parody account. Nobody wants to look like that sweaty asshole Richard Nixon, but Crist takes his precautions to the extreme. The Post explains:

Charlie Crist, burdened with an almost pathological disdain for humanity’s untidiness, hates to sweat. This trait runs deep, and it was laid bare again last night in an utterly bizarre and totally hilarious bit of political theater that would only happen in Florida. Crist, who claimed to have something called “temperature issues” that can only be “addressed” with a fan, had installed a fan at his feet before the debate.

Well, apparently Rick Scott didn’t like that one bit. According to Politico, the debate was delayed seven minutes because Scott refused to take the stage. “The rules of the debate that I was shown by the Scott campaign say that there should be no fan. Somehow there is a fan there, and for that reason, ladies and gentleman, I am being told that Gov. Scott will not join us for the debate,” announced the befuddled moderator. Crist wandered out and stood basking in the breezes of his fan, literally cooling his heels.