On Thursday, a young female red panda named Masala said, “Fuck you,” to her parents, her school, her humdrum life in the suburbs, and snuck out of her enclosure to make her way towards Los Angeles in search of a career in show business, probably.

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“We have no idea how she got over the fence,” said Sequoia Park Zoo manager Gretchen Ziegler in an interview. “It’s contained red pandas since it was built. Animals can do things you can’t imagine. We’re going to try to figure it out.”

Masala she may have big dreams, but her little know-how will make her an easy victim for scammers and bad deals.

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Ziegler said: “She’s only been in the panda exhibit her whole life so she’s pretty naive.”

The Times Standard put out a call:

One of the City’s Red Pandas has escaped from the Zoo and has been seen in the Sequoia Park forest behind the Zoo. The Red Panda is NOT a danger to humans. Zoo staff is concerned for the safety of the Red Panda. City staff along with the EPD are searching for the panda. If anyone sees the Red Panda, please don’t try to approach or capture. Please call 499-3668 or Eureka Police Dispatch at 441-4044.

Also, some advice for the red panda: If you see a newspaper advertisement for “amateur actresses” and the location is a guy’s apartment, do not submit! It is a trick for him to do pornography of you. I learned that from the movie Fame.


Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.

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Image via Canon Boy/Shutterstock.