This week featured a bit of an upset, as to-date champions Team Nobody were crushed by a full seven days of Kim-related events—baby showers, birthdays, red carpet jams—that elevated Team Bible to master status. And, as we ramp up to a new season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians—Season 11 begins November 15—we’re seeing a lot more promo, as our players can clearly see the end game and turn up the heat.

TEAM BIBLE

Kim Kardashian

Blog mentions: +56

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App mentions: +10

Tabloids: +15

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Red Carpet: +10 (CFDA event, InStyle Awards)

Caitlyn Jenner

Blog mentions: +16

Brody Jenner

Blog mentions: +1

Leah Jenner

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Total yardage: 108

Performance summary: GRRRRR!!!! In the locker room last week, I told my team I needed them to step it up and play with more HEART. (“C’mon!” I yelled, and I spelled it out: “H-E-A-R-T!”) Seems like it worked. After putting in extra practice hours, Team Bible turned in All-Star effort, led by our MVP “Pregnant Kim Kardashian,” as she frequently goes by in the news. It’s dope that Kim has a sideline cheerleader like Kanye who’s willing to throw her an insane birthday party where everyone has to watch Steve Jobs and wear baby bumps without complaining. Now let’s play like everyday is Kim’s birthday. Caitlyn, thank goodness, listened to my feedback and doubled her efforts. Who dares to wear the same dress as Kate Middleton? Caitlyn. That’s how you carpe diem. I’m hoping we can keep the momentum and that Caitlyn’s upcoming speaking tour keeps us competitive. Looking ahead, I’ve been watching playback and noticing rookies like Kylie and Kendall running circles around us. We have to play harder if we’re gonna pull ahead of these young bloods. Kim has to share the ball—the lone news about Brody this week was a freakin’ leftover “Is Caitlyn Yo Daddy?” story. Before you ask, no I’m not taking any questions about Leah Jenner. She’s dead to me. —Clover Hope

TEAM BUSH & THE TUSH

Kendall Jenner

Blog mentions: +21

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Vogue spread: +25

New Hair: +5

App mention: +1

Corey Gamble

Blog mentions: +5

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Red carpet appearance: Brian Atwood’s Celebration of PUMPED +5

North West

Blog mentions: +10

Brandon Jenner

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Total Yardage: 72

Performance Summary: From the start of the season, I had Kendall lined up as my most flexible player, one who’d get down and dirty when I needed her to. This week, she proved I’d pegged her right; she scored big with a fashion spread in Vogue while also making headlines for a variety of simple yet effective plays. Was the Vogue shoot particularly creatively executed? Not exactly, but whatever gets the job done. Kendall also got a new hairdo and tweeted about her app once! Way to go Kendall—it looks like you’ve got Team MVP for the season in the bag already. Corey Gamble, on the other hand, was a little too slow, barely comforting Kris Jenner at all, though he did notably appear at some sort of red carpet event. This is the time for grabbing the ball and really making a splash Cor! After our talking-to, North really stepped up, showing off her precious self at her mom’s movie-themed baby shower, but I still worry about the competition she’s going to face when her rookie sibling comes into the world in just a few short months. And at this point, I feel for Brandon; while he’s still not a flashy player, he’s playing some defense out there, and if the media can’t acknowledge how secretly valuable he is to this team, maybe that’s not entirely his fault. —Kate Dries

TEAM THE GROSS FAN

Khloe Kardashian

Blog mentions: +17

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Tabloid cover: +30

App mention on Twitter or Instagram: +1

Kris Jenner

Blog mentions: +10

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Tabloid cover: +10

Penelope Disick

Blog mentions: +1

Casey Jenner

0

Total yardage: 69

Performance summary: Khloe’s back on the field and having a banner week. It looks like all the good news added some much-needed pep into her step, because she picked up plenty of yardage. And not only are things going great with Lamar, she’s begun promoting her app on Instagram again. Yes ma’am, it’s starting to look like life at her home arena is finally returning to normal, and I think that’s because her head is back in the game... of love. Meanwhile, Kris continues to disappoint, racking up less than 50% of her daughter’s points. Her most surprising move was a night out with the Smith family, but I felt like throwing a flag at that entire evening. And my B team fell short as usual. Penelope made a brief appearance on the field in her Halloween costume, and Casey’s done nothing but sip Gatorade on the bench. Things are looking up, but Team the Gross Fan isn’t out of the woods just yet. —Bobby Finger

TEAM NOBODY

Kylie Jenner

Blog mentions: +35

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App mentions: +11

Product shill: -5

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New hair: +5

Rob Kardashian

Blog mentions: +7

Bambi and Norman Jenner

Blog mentions: +3

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RT’ed Twitter appearance: +2

Threatened by new dog: -2

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New dog ultimately added to the team: +5

Reign Disick

Blog mentions: +2

Total yardage: 63

Performance summary: HUGE NEWS FOR TEAM NOBODY: Against all odds, as well as against the rules of fantasy football, and I believe, regular football as well—we’ve picked up a player!!!!!!!! Apparently there is a “term” for this,” but just as it took until this week for me to figure out whether Reign Disick was a preteen or a toddler, I will learn these “terms” when I’m good and ready!

All of this to say is: Kylie Jenner got a new dog!!! Who supposedly cost “50k,” or why would she have captioned her Snapchat that? The dog is fucking adorable and is going to be SUCH a strong addition to the team because Kylie is going to instagram it (“Rolly,” I believe, a chubby little bulldog type) all the goddamn time. She (along with the Daily Mail’s continual fellation of her every carefully-outfitted move) continues to be a real “Tom Marinovich before he got into heroin” (did I do that right) for the team—just absolutely born and bred for this life of tireless, physically punishing celebrity. As far as the others go: Rob is heating up slowly, offering to donate his kidneys or something, and Reign allowed someone to dress him up for Halloween. —Jia Tolentino

TEAM I THOUGHT YOU HATE HOT PINK

Kourtney Kardashian

Blog mentions: +33

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Red Carpet appearance: +5

Scott Disick

Blog mentions: +6

Mason Disick

Blog mentions: +3

MJ Shannon

0

Total Yardage: 47

Performance Summary: With Scott sidelined on that little bench known as REHAB, Kourtney had to carry the team this week, and was she ever carrying: homegirl attended two baby showers (both for Kim, obviously), pranced about and picked up some fumbles in the form of lingerie shopping (woo woo)—TWICE. She’s been thriving on the field since he’s been out, which casts a depressing realization on a coach: my players have no chemistry. Disick’s down for the count, MJ is 90, Mason is like, a baby. There’s no balance on this team and we’re suffering for it. We’ve simply got to work harder, or somebody—probably grandma—has got to go. —Julianne Escobedo Shepherd

COMPREHENSIVE SCORES TO DATE:

Team Bible: 322

Team Bush & the Tush: 292

Team Nobody: 287

Team the Gross Fan: 270

Team I Thought You Hate Hot Pink: 205


Contact the author at julianne@jezebel.com.

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Images via Getty