Families Torn Apart By Tomorrow's Rapture

Most of us are getting a good chuckle out of a fringe cult’s claim that tomorrow is Judgment Day. It becomes a lot less amusing when you’re mom starts planning for the rapture, and tells you it’s too bad you won’t be coming with her.

The New York Times decided to rain on our blasphemous parade by publishing an article on the families torn apart by the not-actually-impending end times. This week when believers weren’t parading in the streets with placards in an effort to deliver their “save the date” in the most inefficient way possible, they were bidding their family members adieu, and mocking them for assuming their Sunday night HBO time is still on. From The Times:

Kino Douglas, 31, a self-described agnostic, said it was hard to be with his sister Stacey, 33, who “doesn’t want to talk about anything else.”

“I’ll say, ‘Oh, what are we going to do this summer?’ She’s going to say, ‘The world is going to end on May 21, so I don’t know why you’re planning for summer,’ and then everyone goes, ‘Oh, boy,’ ” he said.

It’s a ready-made SNL skit! Except it’s real and horrifying. Kino says he’s looking forward to Sunday, and not just because he’ll almost certainly be alive to see what happens on Game of Thrones. “I’m going to show up at her house so we can have that conversation that’s been years in coming,” he says.

But the award for most disturbing rapture-related tale goes to the Haddad family. Two years ago Abby Haddad Carson left her job to “sound the trumpet” with her husband. They have three teenagers, but decided to stop saving for college since none of them will live to graduate high school. They dragged the kids from their home in Maryland to proselytize in the streets of New York, which is how they wound up talking to a Times reporter. “My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven,” said 16-year-old Grace. “At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes.” 14-year-old Joseph added, “I don’t really have any motivation to try to figure out what I want to do anymore, because my main support line, my parents, don’t care.”

As for Abby Carson, she has “mixed feelings” about her kids being left to face five months of plagues, wars, and famine before the planet blows up in October: “I’m very excited about the Lord’s return, but I’m fearful that my children might get left behind. But you have to accept God’s will.” Well, it’s good she’s made peace with it. You shouldn’t let those pesky fears about your family members’ impending demise for interfere with your enjoyment of the fake apocalypse.