Exodus Trailer Promises a Bunch of White People and Crushing Boredom

The big-budget Biblical epic renaissance continues with Ridley Scott’s Exodus: Gods and Men. As you can see from this newly released trailer, the cast is still hella white, because Egypt is located somewhere along the border with France, right?

Not only is the movie whiter than the sort of Southern suburban Presbyterian nativity play where they pick the blondest kid to play Jesus, it looks, well, super boring. Compare the trailer for Exodus: Gods and Sulky Batmen to the trailer for the original Ten Commandments, which can at least boast the twin virtues of being entertaining and bananas:

And those fashions, man. While watching this movie I can’t help but wonder how many sample costumes they went through before finding the perfect balance of “the breathless promise of nipple” and “no actual, visible nipple.” I’m going to guess hundreds. Given Ridley Scott made Gladiator it’s not like we can expect historical accuracy so let’s at least get some wow factor in here:

Also, this wacky green dress!

Strip out all the Cecile B. DeMille camp and sexy costumes without ramping up your commitments to diversity and historical accuracy, and we’re left with a bunch of disgruntled Whole Foods shoppers whining about God. PASS.