Blessed be, it’s rolling into nonstop red carpet season, and Los Angeles is simply brimming with your faves crossing their legs demurely in front of the appropriate step and repeat. The AMAs tend to be a little looser than your average Grammy/Oscar/Tony extravaganza, although the chic sheaths are already in full effect before the sun has set. Selena Gomez is already murking this in a blood-red sequin number, above. Here’s a constantly updated catalogue of every look, so steel yourselves.

I must reluctantly admit my dreaded son Giuliana Rancic is blowing my mind right now in a shattered-glass gown, maybe the best thing she’s worn in a fortnight. Rocsi Diaz floofed up her high-low hem with some pom-pom shoes; not my favorite look, but slightly less of a statement than Z Lala’s Ursula costume, giving too much Gaga and not enough drag queen. C’est la vie; Zendaya, slay queen, rolled up in Ungaro lace and casually dropped to Terence J that she ate microwave mac ‘n’ cheese before she hit the carpet. Slay. Queen.

Pastels! Charlie Puth is cute in a washed-out red suit, though I’m not loving the complexities of dance fave Chloe Lukasiak’s tuxedo-maillot. Danica McKellar is a bubblegum mermaid, while Frankie Grande is actually a bit toned-down this year, insofar that he is not wearing body paint. What gives, Frankie?

WINTER WHITES. Bow Wow or as he would like us to call him “Shad Moss” is crispy casual, comparison to Carrie Underwood’s fairly conservative sparkly cape. Gigi Hadid’s got a new bob (temporary, she told Giuliana), and her custom two-piece is meant to be “beachy.” Kat Graham’s gown is making me hungry for rainbow sprinkles. “Birthday cake” is a pretty good red carpet flavor.

Fifth Harmony, my girls! Predictably unpredictable, blowing tender kisses 2 U.

A triple threat of black lace... in descending order of success. Ciara could wear a dishrag and melt a carpet, but in Reem Acra, she’s getting a pass on the played-out sheer leg trend. Demi Lovato’s camo-style Lorena Sarbu gown is emitting her secret mall goth vibes, but La Gwen Stefani, I don’t know what to say. It’s a risk, it’s giving a bit of June Carter Cash meets a BDSM shopgirl, which perhaps alludes to her country boyfriend and newfound singledom. A new lease on life, yay, but. Nah.

One Direction, you can go your own way (go your own wayyyyy). All any of us care about here is Harry Styles and how 1. he is wearing my mom’s couch and 2. he has perfected that hair pouf in the bangs area we tried so hard to get in seventh grade and never could. Harry Styles is all I have ever aspired to be.

One of the best things about Skrillex and Diplo’s ascent into the pop world—aside from their Jack Ü album being one of the best of the year—is that it feels like a win for the dork-minded among us. Here they are in all-black, dabbing, Skrilly in leggings and Storm Trooper sneakers.

Hailee Steinfeld’s new EP is a self-loving gem, and she’s equally confident in this Zuhair Murad onesie. Donnie loves Jenny this go-go get-up but unfortunately I do not. Meaghan Trainor looks cute in a somewhat boring sleek black gown, though I think the shoulder pads have gone sentient. Wilmer Valderrama, surely there to support Demi L., is very grown-man in charcoal.

Gilded mermaid looks terrific on Alicia Silverstone, as does her stankface, which perfectly articulates how I feel about the deep-hypebeast fuckboy status of Justin Bieber’s... look? This is what fame does to you, people! Always surround yourself with at least five people who will tell you “nah”! Nina Dobrev is lovely, though, in her detailing, though is giving me Upper East Side wedding afterparty vibes. Tyrese is whatever because his daughter is the night’s best dressed. Silvery appliqué and ballet slippers is the look, and she’ll be comfortable for the 75 hours this thing is likely to last.

Why does Nick Jonas insist on dressing like a ‘70s hit man? Great Mysteries 2015. Paula Abdul and Rebel Wilson both chose silver, but Rebel’s is a tad better on account of the candy purse, which makes the whole look a bit more conceptual. Wiz Khalifa is continually one of the best dressed out, and here’s no exception. I would like to peruse his collection of smoking jackets before I die.

Alanis Morrisette maybe could have used some more complimentary fabrics, but her strength has always been that she’s been relatable: who wouldn’t make this mistake among us, the proles? Ashley Benson wins as does virtually everyone who chooses sexy formal suit as evening wear; you can rarely fuck that up. Model Hannah Davis is doing that sheer leg guy, and while it’s a pretty fabric I don’t understand why people do not realize this look is basically Ann Reinking in All That Jazz. Or maybe they do? I love All That Jazz, too, who knows. Kendall and Kylie Jenner are vamping, look exactly like their mom, have had no childhood, and may kill us all yet.


Contact the author at julianne@jezebel.com.

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