Ever wonder why your life isn't any better than it is? It's probably because you aren't engaged in a series of time-tested healthy habits bright and early in the a.m. to get your day rarin' to go. Healthy, successful, beautiful people do certain things first thing upon waking, and so should the rest of us. Studies show!

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Assuming you live to the typical life expectancy, you'll have 25,000 adult mornings — wait, that makes them sound NSFW — it seems like there is nothing but advice out there as to how to spend yours the best possible way to maximize The Ultimate Existence™. But it's safe to say that in this, as in all things, we're doing it wrong.

What you're doing right now upon waking up? Probably checking your phone. Your email. Then weather. Then social media. Something with a computer.

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What you should do?

Wake up early.

It's just better in practically all regards than sleeping late. It's just the one thing these crazy successful people do every morning!

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But get enough sleep.

However, no point in getting up early if you didn't get a full night's sleep.

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Maybe.

Not everyone needs a full 8 hours, though — adults who sleep between 6 and 7 hours a night have a lower death rate.

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Smile!

You're alive! Ugh, also awake.

Go outside.

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Studies show that people exposed to even moderately bright light in the morning had lower BMIs regardless of diet, exercise, other stuff.

Drink water. 16 ounces of water.

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It does these things: kickstarts metabolism, rehydrates you, flushes out toxins, plumps the brain, makes you eat less.

Drink warm water with lemon in it.

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It really helps flush toxins in the a.m.

Drink warm lemon and cayenne pepper water first thing in the morning.

It super-duper stimulates detox.

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Drink green tea.

Better than coffee.

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Drink coffee.

But not until 9:30 or 10.

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Eat before morning workout.

So you don't feel sluggish or eat too much after.

Just eat fruit.

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And only fruit, on an empty stomach, to benefit optimally from the nutrients.

Eat healthy things.

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It's what nutrition experts eat first thing.

Just make sure it's actually healthy.

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Too many people don't get enough fiber, protein, healthy food, and amount of food in the morning.

Eat within an hour of waking.

The longer you wait, the harder it is to be satisfied later.

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Go outside and look at the morning sky.

Because it's nice. (Also drink water: "Turns on the gut.")

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Meditate.

Meditation teachers say you should do it "first thing in the morning" because you've just left the sleep state.

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Stretch.

Sun Salutations'll do.

Flex and point your feet for 15 to 30 seconds.

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To "gently activate your musculature."

Move your body.

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20 minutes of cardio upon waking.

Go for a morning walk.

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"It's a blessing for the whole day."

Shower.

It gets you clean, but also decreases stress and could increase fertility! Boo-ya! One assumes this means a hot shower, though cold showers are gaining in popularity (among nutjobs).

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"Slather your body in lotion SLOWLY."

Not sure how you've got the time, but OK.

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Dry-brush your skin.

It's gets the circulation going, among other things.

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Do some journaling.

Gets your brain working.

Visualize.

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Focus on your success!

Map your day.

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Self-explanatory, but not with a literal map.

Eat that frog.

This bewildering phrase means do the most daunting thing on your to-do list for the day immediately.

Ask yourself "morning power questions."

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Such as:

  • What do I have to look forward to today?
  • What's absolutely perfect about my life?
  • How can I make today absolutely awesome?
  • What's the best thing that could happen today?
  • What am I grateful for?

Listen to music or something uplifting.

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I can only assume that means that one song by Enigma.

Do all 12 of these things within ONE HOUR or else:

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Say 10 morning affirmations (quick!)

Hydrate your body

Brush your teeth (and tongue)

Stretch

Meditate (different than affirmations)

Warm up your voice

Make a fresh green juice

Eat something light (air?!)

Read something stimulating

Review your goals for the day

Drink loose leaf tea

Set an intention for the day

Get dressed.

"Choose an outfit that reflects well on you as a person and doesn't disrespect your body." I hate it when my clothes disrespect me.

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Don't forget your beauty routine.

You should be:

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Applying antioxidant serum

Sunscreen

Misting your face with mineral water

Choosing a fragrance with citrus for stress relief

If you've dutifully completed all these things first thing in the morning, it should be around 8:30 p.m. by now. Seriously, what time do you people have to get to work?

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Image via Maridav/Shutterstock.